Mild acts of parental neglect

Let’s keep it light, please.

  • mum saying “don’t be silly” when I told her I couldn’t read stuff on the blackboard sometimes. Turned out I really, really needed glasses.

  • when I broke my arm (age 9 or 10), the last thing my mum says to me before bundling me into the taxi was “there better be something wrong with it!!” There was: bone disease.

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dislocated my elbow because my dad was swinging me around by my arms

My ma believes in homeopathy and astrology, but doesn’t believe in vaccination or antibiotics. (It’s probably obvious by now the low regard I hold her in).

Luckily she didn’t start with that until I was at secondary school, so I had all the baby ones. After that I just signed my own consent form at school and didn’t tell her that I had the injections.

So you ruined her night out by needing to be taken to A&E?

My mum said she’d ruined my life

All the attention, just for you.

School friend’s little brother glued his arse to a chair trying to make a model plane. She never ever let him forget the fact he had to go to the hospital with a chair stuck to him.


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one of us has told this before but when @meths was about 6 or 7 he woke our mum up in the middle of the night saying our bedroom was full of bees, she told him he was dreaming and to go back to sleep. a bee stung him in the ear because there was a nest in the loft.


Yeah right, like @eems and @meths are two different people.

Oh you were that kid


when he was about 2 our other brother also downed an entire bottle of calpol that my mum left unscrewed on the table.

Used to regularly help myself to banana calpol when I was a kid. A feast of calpol and glace cherries for cake decorating.

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when i fell down an entire flight of stairs and broke my arm and burst my lip (aged 8) my dad told me it was probably nothing and i was just in shock so sat me down in front of the telly with a wet teatowel because he was going to burn the fish fingers under the grill

mam got in from work and i honestly thought she was going to hit him

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How many halls of residence did you burn down?



Yeah, there’s been a lot of press over the past 5 or so years about how its a bad thing to do. I’ve not had any adverse affects though.


How have you made it to the age of 32 again?

My father terrified my brother, sister and cousins by playing them the war of the worlds LP. My brother still won’t listen to it and for years would close open windows because it would give him an advantage over the red weed.

Didn’t go right through your hand though did it

When my brother was young (about 4) she sat him down in front of the TV and put on a VHS recording of what she though was the Junglebook then went out to the kitchen to make him some lunch. She came back in a few mins later to see him hiding behind the sofa saying “I don’t like it”. She’d put the wrong video in and it was half way through Nightmare on Elm St.

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