Moments when you're not really sure what to say

This weekend I went into Next to get some new shirts for work, and spend a voucher I’d got for Christmas.

Went to the till with my daughter and handed over the voucher (which was a festive Christmas design) and the cashier went “oh, good stuff, is this you spending the voucher your kids got on yourself?”

I had no idea why she assumed that, nor why she thought it right to comment on it, and I didn’t know what to say and how to explain to her that it was mine without sounding like a prick, so I just laughed and said “nah, not really”.

full disclosure; I was tired, had been on the train all day, and was up at 5am to get to Glasgow, but jesus, I didn’t know how to react. weird, eh, I am a function adult.

the dial essential crank the power


What I usually do is smile and go “errrrrrrrrr” then I walk away and a few hours later think of a good response.

I am a function adult
the dial essential cranks the power
well that clears that up
well that clears that up
well that clears that up

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Whenever I’m caught by surprise by conversation I’m struck dumb. Was walking out of a pub garden yesterday and a guy who I passed just said “Warm, huh?”, and I was just like “Mmmmmm”.

Good one, no words.

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I was getting off the plane yesterday and I got my case down which was super heavy because I foolishly bought some plates. It took me by surprise a bit and the rush of people behind me wanting to get off made me let out a small “aaaah” when I got it down.

A few rows behind where the whole plane had cleared off was a lady still sorting her stuff out and she very gently and slowly said “Are you okay?” and I was just taken aback by someone asking if I was ok after I just let out a small sound. Like what were you going to do stranger? If I said no i’m not ok i’ve pulled a muscle now would she had leaped up and massaged me?
It was very confusing so I just said “yes” and left.

Asked my neighbour in my hometown how she was and she said ‘well, mercury is in retrograde, so you know…’

Erm, yeah


Almost all of the moments. If I had a pound for every awkward laugh I’ve let out in response to something not even remotely funny because I suddenly forgot how words work I could probably pay for someone to follow me round feeding me dialogue.


When my neighbour said “what is a monkey anyway, is it an animal?”

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When a mate’s just got off stage after his band’s played and asked me, “Did you like it?” and I thought they were terrible. Me: “You could do with a pint after all that ? What’re you having?”


Saw my neighbour in the garden whilst I was fetching the bikes from the shed. She said ‘it’s too hot to cycle today’.

what the wtf can you reply to that? let’s agree to disagree?

clearly i dont know

this was just before she told me she was thankful not to be working in the bakery that day, as the weather was warm.

she illustrated this with a tale about her black colleagues complaining it too hot with her replying that they cannot complain as they are black and could suffer the heat far better than her

I… erm… ok

always say ‘it sounded great’

complimenting the engineer then

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