The mop is a noble thing.
When I worked in McDonald’s, things would get hugely busy during the afternoon rush on a Saturday. Weekend divorced dads with their kids, students finally fighting off their hangovers, teenagers in town for the day with nothing else to do, fallout from the rugby stadium just around the corner: they would all converge for their weekly sermon at the altar of Ronald McDonald at round about the same time.
During the rush, it would be all hands on deck - everybody knew their role and the importance of getting those meals out fresh, hot, and with as little contact with the floor as possible. Then there was Alan.
Alan was wise to the shouts of “quarter grill no shit on”, “chicken sarnie no mayo”, “chicken nine” and so on. Alan grabbed a mop. Like a scout in a warzone, Alan moved diligently but largely undetected throughout the kitchen and the chaos, adding to the noise to simply blend in.
Alan used to stand around with a mop shouting “TEA TIME!!!” to fit in amongst the cacophony, doing absolutely fuck all while the rest of us toiled. He’s a solicitor these days.