Money-saving tips



About to move into a new gaff. How can I sensibly save some pennies each month without being a tight-arse?


Instead of buying £6 toast for breakfast, make your own at home.


Instead of paying for plastic bags at supermarkets, bring your own from home.


cancel all your subscriptions

make you own coffee in a flask

shop at aldi.


Earn more money by simply working harder, because this is Theresa May’s Britain and that’s how it works now.


Aldi, get an M&S £10 jobby instead of a takeaway, walk/bike to work, cut down on booze


Sew your own suits using materials you find on the streets:

(Stolen from


Give up eating


Look at all the stuff you spend money on, then cut out some of it.


Make your own lunch
Batch cook, portion out and freeze evening meals
Cycle or walk to work
Set up standing orders/direct debits for all your bills
Check, and if necessary, change your energy supplier, internet provider etc
Set up a standing order into a separate savings account, set to go out the day after you’ve been paid.


Sell your new house


Take a packed lunch to work.


Work on your side hustle


Do you need both of your kidneys?


spend less


How much does a pickled kidney fetch these days?


Commit a crime, you then won’t have to pay for food and can ask a family member to put your house on AirBnb while you’re incarcerated


Cook your dinner from scratch instead of buying ready meals.


The whole point of a takeaway is that you can’t be arsed to cook, obviously


Download/stream TV, films and music illegally.

Exclusively use self service checkouts and only buy things that don’t need to be scanned and weigh similarly to much cheaper items.

Lie on your tax return, they’ll probably never check.

Sign up to every betting website that has a “free bet” introductory offer and use it bet both ways on an event. Then ask all your friends and family if you can use their details to sign up for all the same offers again (give them a 20% cut).

Write as many complaint letters to your favourite products/shops as you can be arsed to and see what you can get in the way of vouchers (I think most fast food places for example will send you free vouchers as a matter of course just for calling).

Buy your insurance from Direct Line or I think Churchill as they’re not on price comparison sites and are usually cheaper (NB I have not corroborated this, my mum told me to do it and I haven’t because she makes shit up but you go find out if you like).