Shinless snake
Futile turd polishing which would also somehow make it worse
Iāve been on a couple of dates with a former Everton defender
Yobo?
Itās not that serious yet
Iāve run out of coffee and Iām expecting a former Bolton Wanderers defender round
NāGotty?
I do, but he doesnāt like it
The wind-up sex doll I bought from a former Middlesborough manager has broken
karanka?
already tried that, no luck
actualol.
Just been out for a lovely charcuterie lunch date with a former Spurs legend
Sheringham?
Yeah, olives and cheese too.
a famous ex-liverpool goalie just told me i canāt shag ant mcpartlin
dudek?
yeah, guess iāll have to
Just served an ex-Chelsea goalkeeper
Cech?
No, he paid with cash.
Done yourself there
Superb
FUUUUCK
Thatās why you should cech before posting
My friend just told me she was propositioned by a portly Brazilian midfielder.
Anderson?
No, I donāt think he was interested in him.
Just saw that Chelsea full-back holding up a coffee shop with a lazer gun!
Zappacosta?
No it was a Starbucks
I heard that Greek Watford player has started playing golf with fish instead of balls!
Holebas?
Yes, that was the player I meant
After our night together, A cult Chelsea striker left a pretty glowing review of my penis
Eidur Gudjohnsen?
Yes I know you did!
No, I was asking if it was Eidur Gudjohnsen
No, it was Tore Andre Flo
What did you think I said initially?
I had your good johnson?
Why would I be asking it as a question? Plus, Iāve never used the word Johnson in that context
Alright, just leave it mate
Natwest are taking ages to process my cheque payment from the Northampton manager.
Hasselbaink?
arenāt they just!
That Belgian winger is planning a holiday to Central Africa
Chadli?
No, heās going to Burundi and my name is Tony