My pet snake just killed a 90s leeds legend!

Shinless snake

Futile turd polishing which would also somehow make it worse

1 Like

I’ve been on a couple of dates with a former Everton defender

Yobo?

It’s not that serious yet

I’ve run out of coffee and I’m expecting a former Bolton Wanderers defender round

N’Gotty?

I do, but he doesn’t like it

5 Likes

3 Likes

The wind-up sex doll I bought from a former Middlesborough manager has broken

karanka?

already tried that, no luck

7 Likes

actualol.

Just been out for a lovely charcuterie lunch date with a former Spurs legend

Sheringham?

Yeah, olives and cheese too.

5 Likes

a famous ex-liverpool goalie just told me i can’t shag ant mcpartlin

dudek?

yeah, guess i’ll have to

10 Likes

Just served an ex-Chelsea goalkeeper

Cech?

No, he paid with cash.

1 Like

Done yourself there

2 Likes

Superb

1 Like

FUUUUCK

That’s why you should cech before posting

1 Like

My friend just told me she was propositioned by a portly Brazilian midfielder.

Anderson?

No, I don’t think he was interested in him.

2 Likes

Just saw that Chelsea full-back holding up a coffee shop with a lazer gun!

Zappacosta?

No it was a Starbucks

2 Likes

I heard that Greek Watford player has started playing golf with fish instead of balls!

Holebas?

Yes, that was the player I meant

2 Likes

After our night together, A cult Chelsea striker left a pretty glowing review of my penis

Eidur Gudjohnsen?

Yes I know you did!

No, I was asking if it was Eidur Gudjohnsen

No, it was Tore Andre Flo

What did you think I said initially?

I had your good johnson?

Why would I be asking it as a question? Plus, I’ve never used the word Johnson in that context

Alright, just leave it mate

4 Likes

Natwest are taking ages to process my cheque payment from the Northampton manager.

Hasselbaink?

aren’t they just!

2 Likes