Neurodiversity Thread


#121

There are other traits I can relate to. Ever since I read up on the traits of the condition when I was 16, I’ve been convinced that I must have it. It might explain why I found fitting in at school so hard (unlike 96% of everyone else), and for example why I don’t really ever ‘flirt’ with anyone because maybe I don’t pick up on the social cues very well. But yeah, I might not have it (a couple of counsellors have told me I might have it, but a doctor has told me I probably don’t have it, although this was 4 years ago).

Yeah I didn’t word that very well. It’s not that I don’t care how others feel, I don’t want people to be sad or anything, but I don’t particularly experience much sadness myself if other people are feeling sad (although it depends on the circumstances), and I don’t feel particularly happy if other people are happy. I can understand the feelings of other people but I don’t necessarily share them. I was kind of drawing on what others said above, that empathy to me sometimes feels like a logical thing rather than emotional.

I can relate to this quite a lot though. I spend so much time feeling guilty and paranoid that I may have accidentally offended someone without realising it (and I can never tell, it’s always a grey area). But I’m slightly more concerned at what they must think of me as a person if I did offend them, and how they might treat me in the future, which makes me very socially anxious, so I’m always extra-careful with everything I say to people (which can be exhausting).


#122

i think you get them, dont worry about that :wink:


#123

can empathise with this a lot, my gf’s coming over for the first time for xmas and i’m really excited but a bit worried about feeling trapped in our crowded house


#124

I haven’t read that yet, thanks for the suggestion - will read Neurotribes first and see how it compares!


#125

Anyone know anything about prosody / lack of voice control in people with ASD? Like speaking too quietly or loudly or in a monotone. I do all of these and it seems to be a thing


#126

Just reading through this thread again,

About this I posted, I really hate being like this. I really did want to do tonights DiS meet, but even though I wanted to do it and I’m sure everyones lovely. The anxiety I was getting just thinking about being in a large group was silly.

I wouldn’t be able to make out individual peoples voices and paranoia would set in with me thinking that everyone else thinks im either rude or unsocialable.


#127

I’m not going to claim that I’m on the spectrum as I’ve never been diagnosed, but I really struggle socially and with noise, see post above.
But for me, if anything, I worry and care too much about other peoples feelings.


#128

That can be a part of it. Think the public perception around autism tends to be a bit of a caricature (based on children) around poor social skills, taking things literally, routines, nerdiness etc with the anxiety and hypersensitivity aspects being overlooked (I personally suspect these two things are the key and a lot of other traits stem from it, no idea how mainstream a view that is though).

People who lack the inbuilt social instincts most people have, have trouble following conversations especially in large groups, have trouble interpreting non-verbal aspects of communication are going to make a lot of mistakes.

They are often hypersensitive, both in terms of sensory stuff and emotion, I think these two overlap as emotions are felt physically, so autistic people feel everything very deeply.

So all these things interact, prone to making social blunders, feel it very deeply when they do, feel it very deeply if their blunder affects someone else, leading people to becoming very anxious about social interaction, how others perceive them, and how other feel. A lot of the problems autistic adults have are more with these indirect leant psychological problems as much as their innate neurological differences.

I really wish they would come up with a different term than ‘empathy’ for the being able to read people, see things from other peoples perspective etc, because it does have a completely different meaning in the public consciousness, and in general use people who don’t care often are very good at reading people and manipulating. The autistic lack of empathy is almost the exact opposite, can’t read people but do care, where as the general use is can read people but don’t care. Even the extremely good Tony Atwood book has something like ‘biological lack of empathy’ on the back, must put people off even exploring it


#129

I don’t know either about how mainstream an idea it is, but this is the exact same as how I see it. Possibly it is the kind of thing the ‘intense world’ theory relates to but I can’t remember enough about it to know exactly.


#130

I think I must have read something like that once, it seems plausible to me, even stuff like needing routines and tendency towards systemising thinking, I can see how that could emerge our of hypersensitive anxious people needing to understand and control their environment. I will read up on the intense world theory


#131

I know this might not have been the only part you would have been anxious about going to a DiS meat, but from Friday I can vouch for people here (at least the ones I met, though they feel like a decent sample size) being a very understanding and non-judgemental group. No one made me feel bad or weird for having to ask them to repeat things, or go back and ask their name again… I committed all manner of social missteps but not once did I feel embarrassed for it because people were so nice to me. I got lost out of conversation a bit, but people brought me back in, and increasingly I realise it is ok to just be quiet sometimes.

With regards to not being able to make out people’s voices, I had that difficulty in the restaurant and that is obviously an issue in pubs too, but it seems like there is a growing appetite for more diverse meet ups which could include quieter environments - did you see Eric is organising a walk? That seems like a low social pressure kind of thing as I imagine people would end up talking in pairs or small groups, and if you needed a breather you could walk a stretch a little away from people to rest a bit and just relax with the scenery. Also, I am thinking of pitching the idea for a DiS picnic which I conceive as a relaxed, come and go as you please sort of thing and being open air too should not be too noisy either.


#132

I think you will find that quite a lot of people in the autistic community are quite welcoming/accepting of people not formally diagnosed. I guess in recognition that first, access to diagnosis is difficult (especially in places without social health care) and takes potentially a long time, and then second that you can be neurodiverse without feeling the need to seek diagnosis and might not fit one in quite the right way besides. Maybe some other factors too.

Anyway, my point here is more that, speaking for myself at the very least, if you struggle with things similar to those I struggle with it doesn’t matter to me whether or not you have a diagnosis, if it is helpful to talk about these things in this context then that is good :slight_smile:


#133

Yes the walk is very appealing, that’s what i voted for as the activity in the original poll. I live very close to nice countryside and enjoy just disappearing into tbe quietness (with headphones). I really did want to do that meet up, i very nearly asked if i could still come along on Friday afternoon. I actually felt pretty low and depressed about it on Friday evening feeling a bit of a loser that I took the easy option and backed out of something yet again.

Its not just struggling distinguishing noise and being overwhelmed but i do myself overcompensating for my nervousness and end up getting stuck on subjects and repeating myself, which can annoy or amuse people.
At my work christmas meal a few years back, a really basic discussion ended up with me saying the same thing over and over again to the amusement of everyone else. So I don’t do our work meal anymore, as it became a work joke for ages.

I come over a lot more confident on here than in real life.

Then again I’ve met @Antpocalypsenow a few times previously, although a long time ago, so it wouldn’t have been complete strangers. So I should have gone.


#134

Totally understandable if previous things like that work meal add to your anxiety, sounds like that was very unfair of them to make a joke out of it :frowning:

You might have missed the one on Friday and felt like you should have gone, but maybe thinking how you felt then will be the extra bit of motivation that pushes you to go to the next thing that appeals.


#135

Not going to lie, had a little cry when you described how well you’re getting on with your son.

Have avoided this thread for a while as I’m a bit scared about going and getting a diagnosis but I think I should just go at this point. Too much stuff has piled up over the years for me not to.


#136

:slight_smile: kind of glad to be reminded of that post as I had been feeling a bit useless, mum-wise, the last couple of days and it gave me a good reminder that I’m not.

Good luck going after a diagnosis, I hope looking into this can help you out with things - I know I found it to be a very positive step personally when I was diagnosed. Do you know if Ireland is similar to the UK with long waiting times, or is it a bit better?


#137

I honestly think starting this thread is the best thing I’ve done (for me) in my 12 years on this forum. I thought I was completely alone in being on the spectrum on here for so long… everyone always seemed so cool and I had internalised that ‘cool’ was incompatible with autism.

I genuinely feel so much more self assured thanks to all of you who have posted in this thread.

Neurodiverse DiSers :heart_eyes:


#138

Having a meltdown at work and have a client appointment in ten minutes fuck. Crying and trying not to hurt myself.

Was supposed to be working from home tomorrow for a sofa delivery but have just been told I have to cover the appointments of a colleague who is off sick. Costing me £28.50 to rearrange delivery and I had everything ready and now it’s messed up everything in my head and I feel sick. Plus i now have to arrange dog care so I’m going to have to borrow £50 to get through this month.

And my bosses haven’t expressed any kind of 'I appreciate this inconveniences you ’ or ‘thank you’ which is pissing me off - I don’t have money to deal with this kind of thing.


#139

Just want to go into the bathroom and hit things and stick pins in my arms and cry. No idea how I’m going to deal with this appointment.


#140

Brb about to go into an appointment and try not to scream at the client or break the computer or jab my pen into my face.

Probably going to get fired and lose my house so won’t need the sofa anyway.