At least I have the “I hit menopause!” excuse (…not sure if that’s actually why I cry about everything these days but I’m gonna claim it anyway).
Honestly, I know it feels silly afterwards, but man, it’s arguably the most human of reactions. Especially when someone nails the feelings that you’re experiencing better than you feel you ever could…
My moment came when I read Marcus Trescothick’s book and he explained depression better than I ever could. I was sat against a gravestone in a churchyard and wept for more than half an hour uncontrollably - so much more for him than myself because I could relate to how shit things had been and he was just a lovely guy etc.
See if we were actually listening to him at the time it might have made sense - I’m used to bawling when listening to Jason Molina nail my current state of mind in a single turn of phrase but just being sat in the pub all like, “the Malibu Ken is so good…I mean really good (sob)” was new!
That sounds intense - that feeling of sort of gratitude for not being alone and sorrow for their suffering (with a wee twist of guilt) is…unique.
That’s exactly it. The first time I had ever seen or heard anyone echo what I was feeling. Completely broke me.
Went to the GP the following day and here I am six, seven years later still fucked but way more aware.
Did you get anywhere with this? If it’s not been closed then it sounds like it hasn’t been resolved? You don’t tick a box to say you’re at fault if you weren’t and haven’t been found at fault either.
I assume you are free to change providers?
Have a look at quotemehappy, I have found them very cheap
Also coming off Sertraline (been on it less than a year) and having mixed levels of success, to put it delicately. Going from bright and bubbly, being out all day with people, then three or four days not daring to leave a single room for the most part, with some long blank spells inbetween.
Love and solidarity to everyone here.
That all sounds really familiar, I’m sorry you’re going through this too.
How long have you been off them? I think it’s been just over a week for me now and I’m really noticing the mood swings. It sounds like you’re having a particularly tough time of it though, glad to hear you’re managing to see friends and whatnot it is exceptionally exhausting, however, when you’re still adjusting to life without Sertraline. All I can say is be kind to yourself whilst you’re navigating your way through it and make sure you keep talking, if you need to x
Just short of a month now. Not sure if the reaction is down to coming off them alone or that plus the usual autism-related anxieties, which are tiring enough as it is.
think my self esteem’s hit rock bottom lately
argh so sick of myself
Took a call yesterday from a guy I know through the football club - he’s a lovely bloke, bit older than me, but really good fun and we often have a good chuckle drinking together. Anyway, he rang me to tell me that his son had taken his own life a couple of weeks ago.
I can’t quite get this out of my mind. I’d known his boy since he was 2, seen him grow up into a really charming and handsome lad. My mate had told me towards the end of the season that he’d made an attempt a couple of months before (so start of the year) and how he, as his Dad, felt quite helpless - yesterday he said he wished that the first attempt had been successful since the amount of shit his son had been through in the six months since was so great. How on earth do you cope with that? Like, seeing your son go through that and feel that the end was a relief for him.
It’s got me thinking a lot about my own kids and how I’d do absolutely anything for them to avoid having to try and cope with this level of mental turmoil - I was awake most of the night and did that thing where I largely sat and watched them asleep. Fuck, I just can’t even begin to wonder or comprehend or understand what my mate must be going through right now.
I realise this is a post to no real end - but kind of just needed to get it out of my head and onto the page.
so sorry for your friend, his son and you of course. What a terrible situation! I hope his dad eventually finds some amount of peace and can remember the happy times as that is still an important part of life I think even for people who have lost all hope and ended things.
It’s good that you are talking about this, it’s a lot to deal with so I’m glad you managed to get your thoughts out here and we all send love and courage to those affected x
Shout if you want to mull things over any more. x
PMs open if you need.
A friend keeps ignoring me every time I message them about bad periods of mental health and it’s actually making me feel really shit.
Is it possible they just don’t know how to respond?
Perhaps, though this is a recurring thing. Even just a “hope you’re okay” message would be better than completely stonewalling me. I feel like I’m being punished.
Do you feel comfortable having a conversation with them about this?
Edit: I think Captain Awkward has addressed this but I’m on my phone and can’t do an archive search.
Edit 2:The Editing
We’ve talked about it before. I think perhaps it’s at the point where the dynamics of our friendship will have to change so that I’m not continually hurt or upset by his actions. It’s a bit hitting but y’know, I’m not sure what else I can do.
It’s an unpleasant realisation but you do need to protect yourself. I’m sorry your friend can’t even do the minimum for you.