**New** Mental Health Thread (2018/19 Rolling)

How important are use by dates on medicines? I have some sertraline unused which is just out of date, never got round to taking it back to the pharmacy.

miss you xx

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Wish I had something more helpful or useful to say but just please know that we all miss you too and are always here for you :heart:

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Take care… The community is here and pulling for you if you feel you need/want us anytime in the future. x

This is literally a list of all the most commonly prescribed drugs in primary care.

It’s weird that e-surgery have published it given that literally the only piece of concrete guidance from the DH to health providers is to advise against stockpiling/encouraging stockpiling.

I’ve been deliberately keeping quiet since posting this a few weeks ago. Thanks @BifoIsou @colinzealuk @Epimer @Tiergarten and others who commented/liked - it’s been massively useful.

I’m not sure about the sertraline at the moment. It doesn’t seem to have been making much if any effect, though I am only two weeks into it. I don’t know if the dose is too low, or I’m expecting too much, or whether I even needed it in the first place. Need to pick that up with my GP, I guess.

I’ve had three-and-a-half weeks off work, due to return on Monday. The first two were covered by compassionate leave, last week I used a week of holiday, and I’m on unpaid leave this week. I don’t really feel that I want to go back or that I’m really ready, but I can’t afford not to. Really not looking forward to the next few weeks - the stress returning, the people at work wanting to know what happened, etc. Going to be tough.

On a brighter note, my speech is almost back to normal and my speech therapist is over the moon at my recovery. I had a cracking interview for a new job yesterday which I was worried I’d be unable to attend and I’m about 75% certain that I’ll get a job offer and will be able to jack my current stressful job in. Hooray!

Hello

I’m using an alt because I am not ready to share this stuff openly. Sorry if that feels duplicitous, you’re all so much braver than me.

I don’t think I need to say this but if anyone figures out who I am from my writing style or anything else, keep it to yourself. Please. I’m a regular poster and I value the relationships I have with people on here. I’m going to be quite explicit and I couldn’t handle anyone knowing this stuff about me.

I have this fucking stupid brain that’s always busy. It never shuts up and it’s not always kind. I don’t know when it started (I’m not sure if I did this as a child but certainly by my late teens), but I find myself often imagining horrific things happening to people I care about. Not just the incident but the aftermath. The trauma. I dwell on the details of what comes next and I get myself into a right state. To stress what I mean I’ve added some of the regulars in the spoiler.

Content warning: death, trauma, awful shit. Sorry.

I’ll imagine a gunman coming into my workplace. I imagine everything from hearing the first shots to crawling over the bodies of my dead workmates to escape, having to tell the police what happened, meeting the relatives of those who were killed and so on.

I’ll imagine having to tell my sister that our parents have been murdered. The bit where her daughter comes into the room to ask what’s wrong is the really good bit in this one. That’s the bit that fucking breaks me.

There are less gory ones too; having someone I love tell me they have a tumour. It’s inoperable of course. We have to talk about all the shit that needs sorting out, cancel plans, let people know and so on.

The commonalities are that someone I care about suffers and there’s emotional trauma for me. It’s fucking awful. And I have to keep picturing myself going through the ongoing emotional trauma, sometimes for close to an hour, until I’m in floods of tears. Then I completely break down into an ugly crying mess and wallow in it for a bit. Once I’m cried out I’m back to normal and feel ok. These daydreams can happen anywhere, anytime my mind wanders - in the toilets at work, in bed when I can’t sleep, on public transport.

I’m not a medical professional but I’m also not an idiot and I’m sure this is connected to anxiety. I think this is how I cope with it. This feels like a lame sort of self-harm; I hurt my brain in order to trigger a release and then I feel better. It gets really bad during times when I’m worried or stressed. Right now, things aren’t great at home and there’s some other stuff going on there. So yesterday was pretty bad.

I can’t find anything online about this and I’ve never heard of anyone else who does this. I have very few close friends and I can’t talk about my current anxieties them with them. I’m ok while I’m distracted through work, hobbies and constantly checking my phone, but when I’m not busy I’ve lately found myself feeling desperately sad, lonely and stuck.

I can always convince myself it’s fine before I can convince myself to do anything about it. Because this stuff builds to a release and once it’s over I feel better. I know I’m going to read this back on a better day and think I was just being over dramatic and it’s all fine really! It’s not that much different to watching a sad film to have a good cry really. It’s just a fucking horrible version of that. Outside of those moments I generally have it together pretty well. Yesterday was a hard day and I was still posting merrily on here and enjoying it.

I’m not even sure what I want from posting this but as there’s a spike right now I wanted to get it down. DiS is the only place I felt safe sharing this stuff (albeit anonymously). Truth is I’m sure I won’t do anything else about it but this feels like a step.

Fuck. What must you think of me.

Hi, I’m by no means an expert but this sounds like catastrophising to me, which can either be a symptom or a result of anxiety. I posted above about my experience of SSRIs and how they’ve minimised repetitive and intrusive thought patterns around harm to myself and my loved ones.

The good news, if this seems like what it is, is that you’ve got lots of options for addressing it - therapy like CBT, mindfulness, or medication. I think the first step would be to speak to your GP. I know that might seem hugely intimidating but my experience of a handful of different GPs is that they haven’t even batted an eyelid when I’ve gone to them with anxiety issues and have gone straight to suggestions to help.

You’re not a bad person for experiencing these thoughts.

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sometimes I have something similar like where I will imagine I have done the worst thing possible and have to go to prison for the rest of my life, or when I was a child I would imagine all the ways to kill myself and used to be scared of wires and plug sockets as I felt compelled to chew through them or poke something in the socket in case it would kill me. Weird morbid fascination with being close to wrecking my life I suppose.

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I’m not qualified to make any kind of diagnosis but it sounds like it might be a form of OCD. Some folks call it ‘Pure O’ OCD when there aren’t any physical rituals involved, although there are debates about how useful that term is. I might be way off the mark but it might be worth googling and reading up on and seeing if it sounds right to you. Though I think ultimately following @epimer’s advice is the best course of action.

Well done on sharing this - even under a pseudonym it must feel pretty weird putting it all out there. But while it’s not exactly ‘normal’ such things are far more common than you might think.

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That’s a heck of a thing to have to be going through, I can’t even begin to imagine what it is like to have to try and cope with.

It absolutely is just that, and any step is progress which is nothing but positive.

Can only speak for myself, but I think confronting this and posting it is a fucking strong thing to do. I’m full of nothing but admiration and respect for anyone that can open up about their struggles and battles.

I probably can speak for others when I say that even if anyone does work out who you are (I’ve not got a clue) that you will not be going down in anyone’s estimations.

I haven’t got any advice, others are better placed than me, but I truly hope you can find some help and respite very soon x

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Hey Smokescreen.

I’d concur with the others that this sounds like the result of either some form of OCD or possibly General Anxiety Disorder. I’ve never experienced quite what you’re going through (although I do occasionally have intrusive “what if” type thoughts), but a couple of things that may help and not seem like big steps for you.

There’s a book called Anxiety for Beginners: A Personal Investigation. I found it quite helpful in terms of understanding a little of what’s going on in my brain and contextualising things. It doesn’t stop me getting anxious mind you, but it has helped me manage the impact a bit better on the whole. I’d post you my copy, although appreciate you probably want to remain anonymous.

I’d also look into doing the GAD-7 test online - it’s only 7 questions - and you can get a good idea of whether a GP would likely diagnose you with anxiety or not without going or speaking to anyone. I personally found a diagnosis fairly cathartic in the short term - it solves nothing, but again it contextualised how I felt at the time and once processed allowed me to rationalise things much better.

Also, to reiterate what others have said - just writing about this and putting it out there, even anon, is a massive step. Take care of yourself x

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Thank you. Thank you so much.

Most of the time, I’m completely fine. It’s really not that bad. I tell myself it stops me bottling things up.

@epimer I read about catastrophising and I don’t think it’s quite right. That seems to relate to specific scenarios that you’re worried about, rather than just making up some awful stuff to give your brain a teary fix. It’s the release I do it for. I come out the other side feeling so much better.

I can’t imagine ever being in a place where I could tell someone this stuff in person. Something to work towards maybe.

Thank you.

@bamnan That sounds awful. Does anything specific trigger it? How do you deal with it?

I’m flicking between accounts and responding briefly so I don’t mean to shoot down what any of you have said. I can’t tell you how much it means that anyone would respond and offer help.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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@colossalhorse I’ll have a look into that. Thank you! Yes it does feel weird. Scary and weird.

I could only tag two users in my last post because I’m a newbie.

Promoted you :+1:

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This is great, thank you!

No posting needed, I can grab myself a copy if I think it’ll help but the offer is very much appreciated.

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I’m sorry I don’t really have any advice further than what’s been said (my wife used to suffer similar issues as a result of GAD so it could well be linked to that) but of course we will respond as a community and do all we can to help. It’s what DiS does best. Anything you need, my DMs are always open, and that goes to anyone, as ever.

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Hi Smokescreen, I suffered similar intrusive thoughts and played out long almost film-like scenarios of awful things happening to me and others. These crippled me for several months before seeking help from a professional, which I know isn’t an option for everyone but just posting it here is a massive step in the right direction.

Two books that helped me massively are below, you are far from alone and to stress what has already been said you are not a bad person for these thoughts. These are only thoughts and attaching a meaning to them can often make things worse.

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This is amazing, thank you!

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I think it’s just when I’m low, anxious and my self-esteem isn’t great, I’m looking for ways to torture myself. Luckily it hasn’t been too bad for a while now but these days I try to spend very little time with my thoughts as they scare me, I always have music or a podcast on the go or something. I know this is probably not the healthiest way of dealing with things but I get by :slight_smile:

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