**New** Mental Health Thread (2018)


#241

I need to learn how to do exactly that cause I just have it in my brain that I need to resolve it immediately when really I don’t? It can wait til we’re more calm and it won’t seem like a big deal. Usually I’m past the point of no return and it’s just my blood is boiling inside of me??

I think I will start just popping up the road for a coffee or something in future. I need to do something to snap out of it and change but it’s bloody hard!


#242

That’s the main thing, realising that nothing is going to get resolved while you feel so angry, and that the anger boiling over will have the opposite effect. It works as long as you and your bf have the understanding that you walking off/going out is entirely necessary to the process of being able to make up again.


#243

Yeah we’ve not really had that chat but I think now we will and I’d need his help to enforce it almost? He has way more control over his emotions than I do so I think I need him to be the stronger person for a bit until I get my shit together.


#244

Yeah it’s just a case of explaining why you need it to be that way. I’m sure he’ll understand once you’ve had a talk.


#245

Have you thought about buying a punchbag? Dunno if you’ve ever done boxercise or boxing training, but it’s a great workout. You can get a wall bag or a hanging bag and a cheap pair of gloves and when you feel about to blow go in the spare room and knock lumps out of it.


#246

Just thought I’d say that I’ve gone/am going through a similar situation. I’ve moved several times for work over the past decade and have had trouble keeping and developing friendships. Add to that the fact that my social skills are pretty terrible and I’ve ended up with a rather limited social life. I do get on really well with my workmates who are an absolute GBOL but they are all incredibly busy with life/work. I’m therefore pushing myself to go out and join clubs. I’ve been meaning to join the local running club for about two years now, just need to make the effort to attend.

By the way, I found this really helpful reading last week. The comments section in particular had some good advice- https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/apr/30/how-to-make-new-friends-adult-lonely-leap-of-faith


#247

I did think about that yeah, not sure I have the space but could be a good idea.
I was reading up on some stuff this afternoon and it mentioned about safe ways to release anger like tearing up newspaper or smashing ice in the sink. Not sure how that’s going to make me look sane in the midst of an argument but guess it could help.


#248

You might not be able to think of any massive trigger, but maybe it is an accumulation of much smaller stressors which is making you feel like this. You have said before about being quite hypersensitive, and it isn’t that long since you have moved (iirc, just a couple of months?) so maybe you are still adapting to things are different in your environment in minor ways and that is using tiny extra bits of emotional capacity to adapt to, making you anxious and more prone to anger because when you are anxious that can trigger you into the fight or flight state. I am speaking from my autistic experience, though I think this can apply to anyone with hypersensitivity, but really little sensory things can build up when you have to get used to them (slightly different lighting, different textures or smells, etc) and stuff like tiny changes in positioning of things and how you interact with a space, it all uses up mental resources and you don’t always clock that these things are having an effect on you.

Sorry if I am completely wrong here and none of this applies or if I have accidentally sounded patronising. I am doing very badly managing anger at the moment to, keep end up shouting at people and I feel terrible about it :frowning:


#249

Don’t read this thread as I find it really difficult wrt own issues but I think it’s brilliant that there’s such a resource for reassurance or just to vent. Id say it’s the best thing to come out of the site. You’re all mint x


#250

It’s a great thing. It’s what I always point to when Sean or whoever ask what the point of this whole thing is, and this thread’s amazing sense of community and helpfulness is one of the main reasons I came back to DiS.


#251

I think you’re right. It’s still relatively new and although it may feel like I’m settled, it’s a big change with a lot of stuff still going on to sort out so it does feel like a big combo of things. I know I am difficult to live with because I am quite particular and very sensitive but I really put myself through the ringer when I have an episode like today. I’ll be beating myself up internally for the rest of the week.

I think I have always been an angry person prone to outbursts though which probably comes from being so sensitive. I never feel like I’m understood or being listened to so that’s where most of my anger and frustration comes from.

Do you know what’s causing yours or is it a collection of things?
I’m trying to make myself understand today that it’s a totally normal human emotion to get angry and there isn’t anything wrong with that really. But I don’t think I could handle someone being like I am in the heat of the moment so I’m not sure I blame anyone for not wanting to be around that. I need to keep that in my mind during outbursts. Easier said than done!


#252

I feel like such a terrible human being. Have everything (good job, home, wife and child, physical health) and have doubted pretty much everything in the last 2 months. Have torn my wife apart with my self doubt and angst, am a shadow on anyone I meet or know socially. Seemingly at the beck and call of childish drives. Socially awkward in extreme.

I wish I could evaporate.


#253

Heyy. I’ve moved back with my parents a couple of times. The last time was for about a year after having a horrible time. I didn’t realise all that much when I was there but it was a really good chance to try to think about what I wanted to do and try out new things. I also have really nice memories of quietly being alone (the countryside so pretty much a zero social life). I’d happily do it again if I felt like I needed to.


#254

thanks for this (thanks also to @froglet, @bugduv and @UnicornPorn for their replies)

i’m having a discussion with my manager later today. i spoke to her on friday and she seemed quite positive about it but then she texted me later to say that she was going to think about it over the weekend and would let me know today, so we’ll see what she says i guess. hoping it won’t be a problem, although i’m dreading the idea of actually having to move :grimacing:


#255

Hey Kostenurky. Big hugs mate. I totally understand the feeling. It’s really difficult to comprehend how on the surface everything can be going swimmingly and yet you feel utterly worthless. I know it doesn’t help right know, but it does get better eventually.

Have you seen anyone about how you’re feeling/spoken to your wife about it yet or are you currently handling this on your own?

On another note…

This is an excellent turn of phrase but, I sincerely hope you don’t manage it.


#256

Thanks dude. Yes I’m seeing a counsellor. Called a lifeline a couple of weeks back when I got suicidal impulses.

I’m middle-aged and my heart has started processing emotions so violently, so impulsively. Such a shock to be so naked and vulnerable at this age.


#257

I could have wrote this exact post (if I was brave enough). You’re not alone anyway. :slight_smile:

Good luck.


#258

Same to you zxcvbnm.


#259

sorry to hear this pal. sending you best wishes


#260

I realise this comes from a place of incredible privilege but what do you do with post-holiday blues? Just had 11 days away where my anxiety and general MH problems were relaxed and was the most content I’ve been in months. Only back a day and already my old thought patterns are creeping back. I know “Holidays are better than real life” is hardly a hot take but it seems to get worse for as I get older. On the plus side, its helped me focus on what’s causing the most grief in my life and how to try and sort it. Sorry, rambling.