**New** Mental Health Thread (2018)


#301

This is really good to read Bam. I’m glad you’re in this place. All the positive news we’ve had over the last week or so has really dragged me out of a pretty low, dark place that I’ve been in for the last year more or less, so I’m sharing your cautious optimism at the moment. You’re right of course, it’s important to be cautious and vigilant but it’s also important to enjoy these happy moments.
I’d like to echo your sentiments to towards everyone else going through tough times, it can and will get better, and until and even after it does, just know there’s an incredible community here to help and offer support.


#302

Sorry to not reply very quickly, I hope I didn’t scare anyone :frowning:

Home is just really not very good right now. Lots of arguments, and where I am very overwhelmed generally even basic interactions beyond dealing with R can be impossible (thanks, autism) and family aren’t reacting too well to that because they don’t really understand.

What makes it feel worse is that I know I would be doing equally badly if I didn’t live here because I need so much help with… everything, pretty much. It just really sucks that I am not capable by myself, but people helping doesn’t really help most of the time either because those interactions are so stressful.

I just can’t see a way for things to get better. I catch myself thinking horrible and selfish things far too regularly now.


#303

That is really kind of you to offer - I am actually a little choked up over how nice a thought it is, and it sounds very appealing :slight_smile:

I will have to get a bit better with dogs before though, I have always been very scared of them but I am getting to the point where I can be around them a bit more now.


#304

Big hugs and support to you FL :hugs:

You are a strong person as evidenced by what you do for your son and dealing with your ex, I know it must be hard and not being autistic I will probably never know how hard but you can do this, don’t give up hope :slight_smile:

One day at a time


#305

He can be a bit, er, energetic, especially when first meeting people. If you ever want to come for a weekend I can easily arrange for my mum to take him though


#306

I am a huge advocate for counselling and it has worked wonders for me, I am a completely different person as a result of it. I would recommend it to anyone, for anything, it is amazing how much just being able to talk to someone helps. I have also had this experience with friends telling me about their difficult times, no-one can undo the bad thing that happened but just talking can do enormous good in helping you to process and move on.

Every counsellor is different as there are many different approaches. Don’t be afraid to ditch one and try another, hopefully you will meet the right one and click.

Broadly, counsellors should follow some similar guidelines - they should NOT diagnose you or give advice, that is not their job and they are not medical professionals. Their job is to help you to talk through your emotions, perhaps find the root cause and address that to help you be happier in future. But they are there to help you to find that path for yourself, not to do it for you.

Rule #1 of being a counsellor is that you do not give your own opinion or pass any judgement, your job is to accept what the person tells you as that is their experience. That is what I get out of it most tbh - to be able to say all the darkest weirdest thoughts and not feel like I am a monster or a broken person, I realise these are normal thoughts and everyone has them. I feel so normal coming out of counselling and that is the best thing about it. It has also helped to identify my own self-limiting behaviour and make changes to it. You are never stuck with the person you are, it is never too late to change. You are also not as bad a person as you think you are. These are all good things I get from counselling.

I would say to everyone in this thread, get yourself a counsellor as I don’t think I have ever met anyone who I didn’t think would benefit. They are less expensive than you would think and in many places you may be able to find some for free through a charity.

A counsellor should not judge you, diagnose you or give you their opinion. If they do any of these things they are a BAD counsellor and their behaviour is extremely unethical. I am sorry to read some bad experiences in this thread as unfortunately bad ones do exist. You may be able to reduce your chances of getting a bad one with the right online searches.

The bad news is that you can’t get it on the NHS, your only option in most cases is private. The NHS only tends to offer six weeks of group CBT which will probably not help most people. CBT is a very specific type of therapy which in my view treats the symptom (e.g. anger) and not the cause (whatever it is that is triggering the anger) and six weeks is too short. I don’t blame the NHS but that’s the current reality unfortunately.

TL;DR Counselling is great but you need to find the right one. I found a great one first time so it’s not necessarily hard but don’t be afraid to change. If anyone wants any more information or help in finding someone locally please feel free to PM me although I am away this weekend.


#307

Really helpful post, thank you. Just trying out counselling myself and so far feeling very positive about it. I think it helps to drop any notion of it being a way to “fix you” before you start…instead I’m finding it a good way of shining a light on myself…and therefore being able to see how to make the changes I want to.

Also, working in mental health means I much prefer the more informal, non-diagnosis base of counselling over mental health interventions…because I’ve “seen behind the curtain”.


#308

Yes absolutely, one of the biggest obstacles in counselling is people misunderstanding how it works. Sometimes they expect it to be a process to fix them when maybe it’s more about realising that you aren’t actually broken, you’re just a person with all the complex emotions that people have.

Also, being able to talk about yourself for an hour and not having to worry about whether you’re dominating the conversation is ace.


#309

It certainly is. It’s still a very difficult skill to be a (good) counsellor though, so hats off to them.

I got my current one through Mind…which shows even free, charity-based ones can be effective. I would recommend them - especially for people like me who feel like their own poor choices/habits are at the root of their issues


#310

i’m freaking out quite a lot, i handed in the notice on my flat yesterday, so i now have a month to get everything cleared out and packed up, which is stressful enough in itself.

i don’t really feel like i can stay here anymore, like there’s not much for me here, really, although a couple days ago my favourite musician locally (like, i’m kind of a bit in awe of this guy) messaged me to ask if i’d be interested in starting a band and his idea for it sounded really, really cool and exciting and i feel sort of gutted that i can’t do it, BUT if i stayed i’d have to commit to at least 6 more months in my flat and my job situation doesn’t feel stable/secure enough that i’d be comfortable doing that and i feel like i really need to save up as much money as i can while it’s still coming in.

i’m just really terrified by the prospect of as good as starting over (new home, new job, probably new town/city) at the age of nearly 30 (by the time i’ve had a few months at mum and dad’s i might even have hit 30). i’ve never found it that easy to connect to people (certainly not irl - online is slightly easier i guess) so the thought of having to meet people and make new friends and stuff is really frightening as well.

god, sorry, this got a bit long :grimacing:

tl;dr: aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgh! what the fuck am i doing?!


#311

Something which might seem scary, but ultimately should work out for the best. It might be simplistic/clichéd, but try to not think about every step at once maybe and take it a stage at a time to tackle what needs to be done now and you can look at the rest later. So right now, just think about packing up your flat, which is something which in itself can be broken into smaller tasks to try and make that more manageable.

That is really bad timing about the band offer though :frowning:


#312

We did 5 months back at my parents from October last year to March, in the countryside, pretty rural, and it really gave us a chance to relax, (re)plan our fresh start, and get a bit of looking after, and it doesn’t matter what age you are, that’s still important! After trying a new city, we’re ending up back in the same village as them permanently, and couldn’t be happier about it. So I guess what I’m saying is that these things can work out better than it seems, and end up being really beneficial. Like FL says above, taking things one step at a time is the key to getting through this.


#313

You’re making a sensible decision and everything will work out ok


#314

hey, sounds like I’m in exactly the same position. I have taken the jump and bar the occasional freak out I have been less stressed since making the jump, you will be ok, it will work itself out x


#315

Struggling a lot with how impossibly exhausting everything is at the moment. I got a sewing machine today and spent about half an hour working out how to set it up and test some stitches, and now I just feel like I need to sleep for a week to compensate.

Need to finish decorating and get furniture but I just don’t have the energy. Might have to consider hiring a decorator which is not a good use of money.


#316

Sounds like you’re being quite hard on yourself pm! You can decorate and buy furniture at your own pace or you can pay someone to do some of the work. Don’t beat yourself up over whichever you choose or taking a long time - it’s your house.


#317

Yes all counsellors will have to have performed the same training, there is a four year diploma so even if they are doing counselling for a charity or as part of another job, they should still have that diploma.


#318

Just done a burst of tidying / cleaning which has improved my mood x100. I love my house.


#319

I know you know this already but you also have the best dog


#320

Heyy all, I know I don’t post much on the social board (or anywhere at all, really, but I’ve been meaning to more), so this may be odd, in which case feel free to tell me to sling my hook, but I’m just so tired of everything, and it’s a nightmare to talk to people about irl, not that it’s anyone’s fault , but it’s a real difficult situation

CW: Self-harm/psychosis/suicide

So basically, since mid-February I’ve been having what I can only describe as an extended psychotic episode - fits, tremors, extended hallucinations/visions, hearing things, involuntarily yelling, losing the ability to talk or speaking gibberish, memory loss, all the hits - it just keeps accumulating and shifting in terms of symptoms, but nothing’s gone away for more than a few weeks, and then it comes back. My brain feels like a fluorescent goo and all the barriers between reality and fantasy just don’t seem to exist any more. Daily life is an absolute mess now, it’s disproportionately difficult to get anything done. I’ve seen neurologists and stuff but they couldn’t find any cause - they told me to see a psychiatrist but I’m studying in Denmark at the moment and it’s tricky/expensive to get stuff done here, so I haven’t been able to. I have frequent doctors appointments to talk about things/try and medicate it, but they just focus on the physical stuff, which I don’t mind so much as the mental issues, and even though everyone speaks amazing English there’s perhaps a difficulty expressing myself properly/getting the right tone. Which I’m no doubt messing up here too… I’ve started taking some antipsychotics but all they do is make me fall asleep, which is fine but not really solving the problems when I’m awake. I’ve suffered from pretty serious depression before as well, and as a result of all this I’ve started self-harming quite frequently, if only as a method of control/to stop episodes of mania, and increasingly I just keep thinking about killing myself, because I’m so exhausted of it all. I feel so alienated, and even though everybody I know is really nice about it I think it makes me very difficult to be actually close to, and so all my proper connections and friendships here are kind of disintegrating. I just end up feeling increasingly lonely and pathetic. I’m deferring the second year of my MA, which would involve moving to another country again, and just moving back to my mum’s for a year to sort myself out/get seen by more specialists - I’ve got appointments booked, but the NHS being in its current desperately-underfunded state these aren’t until late June (though they were originally meant to be in August so I guess I’m pretty lucky really) - and I don’t know anyone where my mum lives so I’m concerned I’m just going to spend an entire year alone vanishing into my head, with the barrier between my imagination and reality totally disintegrating. It’s not completely awful, like it’s a great resource for creativity and stuff, but it’s just getting all too much now. I feel like after over three months it’s probably not going to go away, and I’m going to be stuck like this forever, and I’m so scared and tired of it all and I just want it to stop, and I keep thinking that’s only going to happen if I just stop. I don’t really know why I’m typing any of this, I don’t know what any of you can actually say, but this thread is really nice and you all seem lovely. If anyone has any advice or anything that really would be great, but of course if not that’s cool as well, cheers all :slight_smile:

God that’s a monolithic post, sorry!