think I speak for everyone when I say you’re absolutely welcome to post in this thread. what you’re going through sounds like really fucking hard work, pal.
idk how important this MA is to you, or what the procedure would be for getting back in if you dropped out, but it really sounds like you could do with being around your family/support networks. is it an option to move back home asap? edit- sorry, assuming there are support networks in place at home, not always the case is it.
it’s appalling how underfunded the nhs are but my experience of the people working in acute mental health services has been uniformly brilliant… had a couple of members of my family go through something similar to yourself in the past few years (including a struggle to get a diagnosis/treatment until things were very very bad). if you can’t get treatment as an out patient there’s always the option of a secure unit.
I’ve had people pull me up on being too enthusiastic about inpatient treatment before, so take this with the caveat that my opinion is second hand & anecdotal, but if it’s between really hurting yourself and being in a secure unit I think the latter is the obvious answer.
hope it doesn’t come to that obviously, and that you can get some answers/treatment. look after yourself. x