Hope you’re ok and the feeling passes because it’s not true at all, by the sounds of things you’re trying to sort things out and that is a total success on it’s own!
Feeling so stressed out atm, like everything is upsetting me and worrying me and I just feel choked up. Quit sertraline cause the nightmares were too much to the point I was afraid to sleep which hasn’t happened to me since I was about 10. Music really really makes me happy but I’ve got this thing where listening to a song I love on repeat just attaches the song to how I feel at the time. When i was okay this wasn’t bad, some songs from my early 20s have happy memories but loads don’t. Can’t even listen to big star or the replacements anymore which are bands I adore but listened to loads when my dad died. Can’t bear them anymore, I just cry and cry and its actually such a loss. I have really gotten into kpop over the last few years which is kind of more “disposable” as the bands churn out loads of new music unlile big star etc where half of them are dead and its just the same old stuff. But when I’m sad I can’t listen to music as my feelings poison it and listening to songs I liked last year are all hard because it just reminds me of being sad in 2017. The fact there is lots of new stuff available is good but I just feel like I can’t enjoy it while I’m sad all the time. This sounds properly crazy but I don’t know what to do with it. It’s taking away one of the few things I really love. Also I missed one of the groups I really like who came to London a few months back and I was really upset about it. They overpriced the tickets so hardly any were sold but I didn’t know the venue were giving free tickets away and it was literally a half hour away from me. Still gutted. The group that I like about 50 times more tho are having their tickets released on Friday and I’m literally having nightmares about them being sold out before I can get one which is so stupid but really upsetting and I don’t know how bad I’ll feel if I miss out. Which is really stupid but I can’t help it. Literally can’t even listen to them now because it’s so stressful to think about but if I miss out that’s something else I love so much that I won’t be able to go near. I hate my brain so much, I don’t understand it at all, and as someone with a sciencey background, not understanding things is very tough for me to cope with because I always like to know how things work, and not understanding my own mind, the one thing I should know better than anything is so so so hard.
Hi JB, I hope the full stop chat hasn’t stressed you out any more .
I know it’s only part of it but on that last point, you’ll get to see the band I promise. You can get tickets for almost any event if you’re there when they go on sale. If it’s one of those big ones that sells out immediately, either they will announce another date OR you’ll be able to pick something up on a reselling site.
I know it’s shitty, but I have just experienced the other side, of trying to sell a ticket to an event I can no longer go to. Two dates at Brixton Academy sold out within minutes, I managed to get one for the second night and it took a long time to get rid of because the market is so flooded, I only managed to get rid of it by selling at a price that loses me money - and this is for an event which sold out instantly. I know that’s not the ideal situation but it’s a Plan B. Chances are, Plan A will be absolutely fine. If the tickets are pricey use the rainy day fund x
Aww no the chat was fine!! thanks do much though, I didn’t think about extra dates so this makes me feel a lot better! I just don’t want to have to stay away from something I love for my stupid mh because I know that if I don’t get to go that will be the only option to stop myself going mad. I haven’t been to a gig for about 9 years now or to one alone (and I used to go all the time!) purely because crowds are stressful so the fact I don’t care about that now and will totally go alone is a testament to how much I wanna go hopefully I’ll be like YES I GOT A TICKET even tho I’ll have to sell something to pay for it but idc, it will give me something to look forward to which I need so much! Anxiety has seriously taken so much away from me, like I haven’t been abroad in 10 years because I’m scared which is shit because I love a holiday
Yeah same, I’ve been going to gigs on my own for years, sometimes it’s a bit awkward if it’s a new venue and if you’re not sure of the set up (last gig I went to, the stage was in the basement and there was no queue when I got there so I wasn’t sure where to go, but you just ask), but it’s always been fine.
I only regret the gigs I didn’t go to, never the ones I went to, even if they weren’t that great. It’s all experience. What I usually do is get there early when there’s hardly anyone there, pick my spot and read my Kindle until it starts. Often you don’t notice how full the venue is if the majority of people are behind you (usually, I hover around the sound desk, especially if there’s something to lean on).
A few years ago I didn’t go and see BRMC at the Brixton Academy for a number of reasons, mostly that I had fallen out with the person I usually stay with and didn’t feel like travelling to London on my own. Turns out it was their 1000th show and they played an extra long set. I have felt like such an idiot ever since for not going to that just because I fell out with a girl. I have resolved since to try and push through these things because you don’t get many chances and you’ll regret not doing it.
The way I trick myself into it is by committing to it, and figuring out the detail later - once I have committed, I have to go through with it. I had never been on a plane until a couple of years ago, in the end I had to travel on my own and I was worried for a while and had a few nightmares but it all turned out fine. Now, I look back on experiences like that and it all makes evidence you know, like look at all these times when you were worried and nothing bad happened, in fact good stuff came out of it.
Best of luck JB xxx
So true! Thanks billywhizz!
I ruin every opportunity given to me and am scared to make new ones.
basically, I’ve ruined my life
sure feels like it, especially when this is like the 20th time
yadda yadda yadda
that wasnt supposed to be a reply but became a reply
not a good day. tall building fixation came back.
it works, so I’ll allow it
Hi I wrote this and maybe it’s helpful idk
oh lol and today is the year anniversary of moving to Germany, great.
been ghosted. after talking for a month. the day before we were supposed to meet for drinks, end of last week.
I’m at the park with my sister and my nieces. it’s just hit me, that this girl is definitely not going to reply again (no idea why, and I don’t expect I’ll find out. whatever difference it would make).
you know when depression overwhelms you when you’re out, and you can barely talk or walk? just want to go back to bed. need to.
I hope this isn’t insensitive of me as I literally never date so am probably not the best person to comment, but I can imagine how tough it is for you to put yourself out there allow yourself to be vulnerable. However, if a person ghosted you then fuck them, if they can’t see what a great person you are and appreciate that then it’s 100% their loss and someone better will surely come along. Ghosting someone (if this is 100% what happened and its definitely not something that might be a misunderstanding??) after chatting for some time is just really rude and someone like that isn’t worth feeling even a little bit sad over. Hope you take care and do stuff that cheers you up until you feel better
I can’t imagine it being anything else. we agreed we’d meet this weekend. she hasn’t even read the messages I sent Thursday evening (we had talked a bit that day, everything seemed fine), let alone the one I sent to check we were still on to meet. she has been online lots - most times I have checked to see it she might have read my messages, as there have been times when she has read messages and responded a few days later?
it isn’t nice to just disappear on someone, no. but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.
I kind of felt I had been putting more effort in anyway. but I had still opened myself up to the idea of meeting her, psyched myself up, picked myself up after earlier this week. I can’t be as removed as other people in these circumstances. I have to try really hard to believe in myself, in other people, to open up at all.
I get that, I hope though even though it is hard with depression that you don’t take her behaviour as any reflection of yourself. I know that in the same position as you I would feel the same way as you - it’s so easy to be kinder to others than it is to yourself so something I do is imagine what i would say to and feel about a friend going through the same thing as me, and I’m sure you would have way more empathy for them that you do for yourself. Not sure if what I’m trying to say is coming through but basically pls believe in yourself as it’s not your fault her behaviour is shitty