highly sensitive person problems little things just eat away at you
I got upset last night because someone tweeted that people who don’t like dogs are inhuman
ahhh I really relate to this post, too
my close family have been very argumentative over the years, and we’re all highly sensitive people, I’m fairly sure of that. at least we are all very highly strung and prone to anxiety, depression, etc.
but… my family, especially my closest sister, have had difficulty recognising, acknowledging and making allowances for how my anxiety has affected me over the years (I try to do this for them), and like… sure, just like anyone, sometimes I will have a side that I will stick to just like anyone in an argument, but I always try to de-escalate, but they will just ramp it up dramatically and not listen.
typically, I’ll be shrinking back from the argument, desperate to try and make it stop, even though it hurts to accept their side of things a lot of the time (like I said to Carmen, it often feels like being gaslighted).
and also this ties into how I feel with regards to talking about my problems. like, it so often feels like my issues aren’t understood or that they will try to fix things rather than just listening and acknowledging things.
did you debate it with them in your mind, trying to articulate why that isn’t true and why you’re not a bad person? over and over again? that’s my classic response
I need to start looking at it like it’s a strength because being more prone to upset means you’re probably more considerate of other peoples feelings and would comfort someone in distress…when quite a lot of people can’t.
Even still if he’s not learned how to change his review style, he should at least be able to comfort someone professionally and explain that he wasn’t intending to upset them and stuff.
People often are like “oh just step out for 5 mins for a walk to calm down” and it’s like NO why do I have to leave cause you’re uncomfortable around someone who is upset
but then I also think I’d just like to not ever be upset over anything ever
Yup! I did actually respond and made it as polite as possible so that it was non confrontational. I feel very insecure that I dislike some major things that people like and that one especially, as it seems like such an anomaly even though I’m increasingly aware that there are more people like me out there than you’d think!
Do you feel your family are just a bit like “well everyone gets anxious/sad/angry from time to time”?
I feel that way with a few people close to me and I’m like no, we’re all allowed to feel different levels but need to recognise when it affects us day to day or with relationships etc, you should take notice of that and try to help yourself in some way.
I feel my family will often be a bit like “oh don’t be daft” when I was younger and would say stuff like “I feel sad a lot of the time” or I feel scared/anxious or something and it’s just like “oh don’t be silly just get on with it” and then you’re like ooookkk sure
I don’t see her lots as I’m busy most weekends with work or social stuff or the in-laws, so probably once every 2/3 months. I invite them up here a lot but they usually make excuses not to make the effort. I call once a week though (she never calls me but expects me to call her) and I dread those conversations. I feel like I need to see them more though as my dad’s got stage 4 cancer and no one knows how long he’s got, so I know I’ll regret it in future if I stay away too much.
Main reason I can’t get more space is that she’s a Latina mother and there’s a big disconnect between her expectations of her family and British cultural norms. If I tried to get distance from her I’d alienate the rest of my family, it’s hard to explain why. When we started seeing each other and I’d talk about my parents the TV would ask why I didn’t just shut them out, but now he knows my family he gets it. I dunno how good this source is but it’s bang on and it’s helped me realise that it’s her, not me, which is reassuring https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent
i guess there’s some reason for it beyond them hating me (they don’t) but it doesn’t stop it hurting. don’t think i can ask again, there’s only so many times you can get knocked back before it’s not worth the toll it takes.
the responses I get are different, although I sense a bit of what I’ve received in there… like, making out like what you’re going through is insignificant
thing is, I’m very understanding and open to other people’s problems. it’d be nice to be afforded the same kind of understanding! especially from family. I’m sure you’re the same.
I recognise that my closest sister has a lot on her plate and I really feel for her, but over the years she has really not been able to understand how I struggle. it’s a reflection of how hard it is to articulate my troubles and find help elsewhere, really. it feels next to impossible sometimes. dealing with her feeling aggrieved at me feeling the way I do at all has made me feel very ill at ease going to see her.
my mum goes another way; she seems to feel like I’m blaming her, starts to say “well, I tried x and y when you were younger”, or “the government is awful etc”. she doesn’t seem to be able to process it. I feel really, really awful, a lot of the time, and just need to open up about how I feel. because she’s my mum and I guess feels guilty for what I went through as a kid, she is always on the defensive.
just need hugs most of the time, really. and my mum hasn’t even patted me on the shoulder since I was twenty-two.
When i don’t drink alcohol, even just for, like three days, i feel absolutely fucking brilliant. Like, waves of positivity and delirium. As soon as i have just a moderate amount of alcohol i feel dreadful (once it’s worn off), barely able to socialise, deeply depressed, physically unwell, more or less as low as you can get without being suicidal.
Always feel really uneasy when people advise those suffering with depression to eat better or exercise, etc. I mean, y’know, it’s not going to resolve the chemical imbalances and all that, but it’s really nice when you do encounter a good spell and you can put a few building blocks together. Depression sort of fogs seeing those things, doesn’t it, and i guess that’s what alcohol does as well.
When i feel really down, like when i have a hangover, it’s like i can’t see past my nose and i’m just doing things to pass time. It dulls the senses - food becomes something that just stops hunger, i’ll only speak to people if i have to, music seems irritating and books pointless. Then when i feel better or am tee-total just doing things like going for a walk, or making a fresh meal, or a nice text from someone, or the birds tweeting outside really feels massively uplifting.
Gonna blur this cause it’s potentially very upsetting/triggering for people. TW- illness someone won’t get better from
I’m in a really odd place at the moment in regards to my dad’s illness. I don’t know if I said when I posted before, but he has terminal stomach cancer and he’s coming towards the end of it. I go over every day pretty much, partly to see him and partly to give his partner a break so she can go to the shops or for a walk or just to get out for a bit, because she’s there 24/7. I really don’t know how she does it tbh, and me giving her a break for two hours or bringing over some flowers or picking up a prescription seems like a drop in the ocean compared to what’s she’s doing. I feel so guilty because every time I go over I cry- there’s a hospital bed in their tiny living room and it has that smell that isn’t necessarily unpleasant or overpowering but it just smells like… ill? And it isn’t like I don’t want to help but it’s so overwhelming, especially when he’s having a particularly bad day and is just throwing up what I assume is just toxins because he hasn’t been able to eat any actual food for about 9 weeks now. I won’t go into any more details because it’s distressing for anyone to read, let alone someone who’s been a witness to this sort of thing, but he just doesn’t look like he should still be… here any more.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m mimicking his symptoms out of sympathy, or because I’m so anxious waiting for that phone call, or because I got the text message from him saying what was wrong when I was eating dinner way back in march, but every time I try and eat it makes me gag and I can only eat a few mouthfuls. I’ve made an appointment with my old therapist but I don’t know if it’ll be her area of expertise. It’s a bizarre feeling, and obviously in an ideal world he’d be alive and well again, but I cannot wait for the day he isn’t suffering any more. And then I feel bad for wishing it would happen, lol.
On top of that, my (maternal) nanna had a fall three weeks ago and was taken to hospital for two weeks and is now in a lovely rehab place. Weirdly I’m a lot more calm knowing that she’s there. She’s looked after wonderfully and (this sounds awful) but if she has another fall or whatever then it’s… not my fault? Think the nurses/carers have explained to her that as much as she thinks she can be independent she just can’t, and that because I’m her only family it isn’t fair on me to be constantly worried when I’m also forever on edge about my dad. It’s just… yeah, a lot.
I had a moment last week when I’d gone to my Dad’s in the morning and talked to a nurse about his end of life plan, and then straight after had to go to the hospital and kick off slightly about no one telling me what was going on with my nanna because no one there seemed to understand that while I’m young, I’m still my nanna’s next of kin and no fucker seemed to grasp that. I know it’s not their fault whatsoever, and through my tears I was really apologetic, but it’s beyond frustrating.
It’s just… a bit much. Legally I’m an adult, I’m 24, but at the same time I’m really not. I wish I had a sibling or something to help, especially because my mum isn’t here either.
I’m really lucky in that my boss has said that I can have the foreseeable future off and still come back to a job if and when I want it, which is obviously a massive weight off my mind.
I don’t know what my point is really. I feel bad when I’m living my normal life and then feel bad when I’m lying in bed feeling sad. Life is a bloody mindfield, isn’t it?
I’m not really asking for any advice. I’m doing all the right things- being there as much as possible, not drinking a lot, asking the right people for some support, all of that stuff. And a lot of the time I’m still relatively happy and hokey and fine-just wanted to moan really, sorry.
And I hope you’re all as okay as can be, truly. Just knowing I can moan at a forum of lovely, kind people is a real relief. Sending you all huge hugs and love x
You sound like an amazing daughter. You have nothing to feel guilty about and I hope your gran recovers soon.
Oww, thank you, you’re all lovely. Just needed to vent really. Hope you’re well x
I’m so sorry you’re going through all this alone, you sound amazingly strong though. to you
Tbh, eating better and exercising has 100% improved my MH so I am very biased towards that advice. It’s given me focus without restricting and it honestly keeps me so level. Even 2-3 days without it brings on quite harsh lows that I can’t cope. When I realised that was my “drug”/coping method and not just a method to lose weight, I’ve been so dedicated to it for 2+ years. I’ve never been a week without exercising unless I’ve been ill, I even exercise on holiday. It’s not to say I’m without lows or freak outs (I’ve been at my lowest this year after an aggressive moment in time) but it helps keep me generally level.
I’ve gone back to alcohol after giving it up for a month and a half earlier this year and I’m managing it well but would love to be tee total if I’m honest. But I don’t feel super comfy with that just yet. I’m more happy with one or two glasses of wine at the weekend.
You’re one of the best, laefs many to you too
I really feel for you, angel. The things you’re dealing with at 24 is unimaginable. But you seem to be handling it so well and being there for your dad and especially for his partner is really a wonderful thing.
You’re human and that means you have to get on with things even though other things aren’t going too well. You still have to rest and watch tv and eat dinner and all that stuff, unfortunately we can’t press pause until things are resolved. As much as we’d all like to!
I defo think speaking to a therapist about the eating thing will be good and I hope it helps you.
And as always, we love and care and pls feel free to moan as much as you want! xxx
Ow meow, you truly are the most lovely souls on earth you’re always so kind and warm and nice and I don’t think you even realise just how much that means to people!
Yeah. 100% going to tiny my therapist and have made a note of some other ones too.
I hope you’re being as kind to yourself as can be, cause we all love and care about you too
Sorry! That’s all a bit of mess but what I meant to say was:
Ow meow, you truly are the most lovely soul on earth you’re always so kind and warm and nice and I don’t think you even realise just how much that means to people!
Yeah. 100% going to go to my therapist and have made a note of some other ones too.
I hope you’re being as kind to yourself as can be, cause we all love you too
(Also princess is a stunner and if they ever make a cat love island she will boss it)