Yeah, I think getting sick when taking time off is hardest must be so common. I mean I guess work stress must make you very susceptible to illness. All the best with ploughing through, then.
my dad had a stutter when i was a kid and went to a speech therapist about it coz he was doing more public speaking. i went to a few sessions with him (coz i was a nosy kid) and it was nice, it was just about taking your time over what you were saying, practising reading things aloud and stuff. its definitely helped him with public speaking, sometimes it comes back when hes nervous or excited but he deals with it a lot better now
Decided to try seeing a therapist for a while. Have made an initial appointment with a local one for next week, but is there anything in particular I should be asking / looking out for? She is registered with BACP but there seem to be different membership organisations and they’re all self regulating so I don’t know what the good accreditations are.
Really liked the guy I saw in London but there doesn’t seem to be anywhere similar around here and I definitely want face to face.
Wondering if I should book in another one as well to compare?
Basically any private therapy help appreciated.
I left my job today after a month off sick. I was prepared to explain a load of specific reasons but they didn’t seem too interested. I also don’t think the problems I’ve had are things the other staff will care about, which is a shame. Also the problems I have with the job are probably problems with the whole industry. toxic behaviours that wouldn’t be tolerated in other places. Structural problems that mean these behaviours are never addressed.
Last week I got a job with a chair and I’ve an interview for another chair based job tomorrow. I feel better but still nervy it’s been by far the worst month for me in regards to my mental health.
Revealed way too much of my paranoia and insecurity to my tv last night and think it has fucked things up considerably. She’s been so patient with me but I just keep bringing shit up, I can’t help it. Feeling low as fuck today, don’t want to lose her but at the same time can’t seem to fully trust her (based mostly on my low self-esteem and past experiences)
Why do you think it’s fucked things up considerably?
What are you paranoid/insecure about?
Do you think it might be worth trying to get the issues you faced properly down on paper and writing to the most senior people at the company?
I found that helped me when i was in a similar situation. So much stress had built up over months and months and either i couldn’t get it across how i wanted to or people weren’t listening. I find it quite easy to give detailed accounts of stuff in writing compared to face-to-face.
It might give a degree of closure for you over it and let the people who actually make the decisions take some action. You could tell them you don’t wish to be contacted or write anoymously.
Hope the new job works out for you either way.
I’ve just beaten the same drum too many times and she’s gotten sick of it. Used the phrase ‘believe me or leave me’ which is quite nice innit.
Paranoid because I’ve been cheated on in every major relationship I’ve had, and have incredibly low self-esteem in general, and she’s way out of my league in every department so it all feels too good to be true, just expecting a fall. But I can see from my behaviour that the thing that will bring about the fall is my own insecurities… so I should just shut the fuck up.
Anyway I went to the docs today and I’ve got an appointment with a psych next week, so I hope it’s the start of me feeling better about myself.
Insecurities are a bitch. But you need to remember that a) she’s not one of your exes. 2) She’s given you no reason to doubt her or not trust her or not believe her 3) You can’t worry about something that hasn’t happened yet.
I know it’s easier said than done but you almost need to change your thought process to be “well if it happens, it happens and i’l deal with it then”. Although I’m sure those things really really hurt from your past, you survived them and got over them and learned to love someone again.
Are you keeping independent? Having your own hobbies etc? I found that was a massive relief when I was going through a stage of feeling insecure and weird, I managed to get my own life going on so I didn’t slip into codependency and therefore those feelings of insecurity are exasperated cause there’s more to lose, you know?
I hope your appointment goes well. And I’m sure you’re a great boyfriend and she’s lucky to have you You just need to regain your confidence and self-worth.
Thanks mate, this is helpful.
You’re spot on with all of it too.
I’ve got my own hobbies but I haven’t been able to get out and about much due to continued mobility issues (which definitely have a big impact on my MH in generally) so I have been using all of my available energy to spend time with her, have generally been too knackered to do other things with friends recently.
This is a really great point and one I hadn’t considered, and actually my most recent ex had zero hobbies, was very dependent on me- her whole life revolved around me really, and this put a huge strain on me. So you’re dead right, I don’t want to put her in a position that I know isn’t comfortable (ooh err)
I am confident that I’m a great boyfriend, at least I have that in my locker. She is on her period atm so last night I made dinner, ran her a bath, gave her a massage, just generally behaved considerately to her… afterwards she said that none of her previous boyfriends would even confront the idea that periods exist. So my competition isn’t exactly sparkling. I don’t have any doubts about that… and I know that literally the only problem in our relationship is my insecurity.
Thanks again, I’m referring back to your post next time I throw a wobbly.
You sound like such an actual dreamboat! If I mention I’m on my period, my boyfriend stares into the distance and goes “ahhh…ok” Fancy coming over in about 13 days? I’d like that treatment pls!
I think it could be if you’re putting all your energy into one person and then it can probably feel like an intensified relationship with a lot at stake. When you’ve got your own thing going on, your mind is relaxed, not dwelling on things, not thinking about things etc.
It may not solve everything but it could be a good start! I wish you all the luck and i’m sure it’ll all be fine. We’ve all had those insecure feelings from time to time and it’s good to be aware of them and not get too complacent
Men are weird at the best of times
I’m going to do my best to get out more and socialise with others, I do think it’ll help. I very much doubt I’ll ever experience this ‘complacency’ somehow, might be a nice change!
i always find this absolutely staggering. my former partner has endometriosis and so particularly struggles during her period, so it was always something we would talk about very openly and i’d help her with it as far as i was able to.
it’s a completely natural, normal thing and i just cannot understand why so many men remain so weirded out by it…
I’ve got friends who are otherwise intelligent, normal and rational, who just can’t seem to cope with them at all. And what’s more they have an attitude of ‘oh god, she’s on her period, she’s gonna be a horror show’. Top tip lads, they will be a lot less stressed and upset if you pay them attention and do nice things for em.
TBF to my bf, he does do it as a long standing joke between us. He’ll also respond when I say I have period pains by saying “me too!”. I try to simulate what period pains feel like by punching him in the gut and in the arsehole area, whilst saying “and now you need to be sick!!”
I’d like the pampered treatment but tbh been dealing with periods on my own for 15 years now so i’m cool.
yeah, sorry meow, that really wasn’t intended as a specific snipe towards your bf (although i realise that it could have been interpreted as such, so apologies for that), more just a general comment on men seemingly being unwilling to engage with the idea and/or being sort of childishly grossed out by it
I am doing my bit to help this by mentioning it a lot when people say I’m being a bit moody or something. I’ll just shout yeah cause i’m on my PERIOD!!!
have you considered getting a t-shirt printed to help spare your voice?
It would save a lot of talking as the permanent moody bitch i am
[on reflection this joke probably wasn’t that sensible for the mh thread, sorry.]