Good luck for tomorrow PM! Rooting for you
are there any places online you can talk to other parents?
i don’t know anywhere other than mumsnet which may not be right for what you need but there’s communities online for literally everything so there must be help out there somewhere!
There is, I have heard, an autistic mums community on facebook, but I’m not even on facebook. Tbh, I don’t imagine it would help anyway. Talking won’t change my situation or who I am so there isn’t really much use in seeking it out
hopefully someone else who comes in this thread will have something more specific to say than i did
all the best
this was really brutal. I really didn’t expect to react the way I did but seeing his mum how she was… horrible. I haven’t cried like that in an extremely long time, although it was very cathartic. just hit me like a ton of bricks, can’t imagine what he himself or his family have been through. and of people we went to school with, only 3 turned up - really really devastating.
Yeah there we go.
Emailed HR on Monday asking if I can change my name on payroll etc now whilst using current name / email until I come back from a weeks leave in September. No response so phoned up today, and told it was to the wrong email address, I can’t speak to anyone in HR over the phone, and they are about two weeks behind on responding to emails.
Feel on the verge of crying. I hate uncertainty and it just makes me dwell on all the ways it could go wrong.
And starting to realise that this is not going to be a good environment for me. But there’s so much stress about everything and I don’t know how looking for jobs works when you’ve only been in your current one for 3 months. Just feel fucking terrified, and I know that’s mostly down to this place / area of work.
Oh love. Sounds really sad and tragic.
Hope you start to feel better soon x
I’m sure it’ll all be fine and they’re just backed up with their requests or things to do. It’s a big step to take even putting the request in to someone so you should feel proud you’ve taken the steps you need to do. Even if they take a few weeks to make all the changes, it’s in the process and it can’t go wrong or affect anything major.
What do you feel terrified about? 3 months into a job is early days for everyone anyway without a major life change to go through at the same time so it’s natural to feel like that.
Have you had a look on www.stonewall.org.uk? They have a help and advice section which might be useful?
Well done for sending the email. I know it hasn’t yet worked out how you hoped but you’ve taken the first step, which is huge. Don’t let the set backs stop you, keep going!
The problem is that I want to change my name on official records (payroll etc) but keep using my old name / email for a few weeks. They don’t have to agree to that. And on account of being an idiot I’ve just gone ahead send started changing my name on everything else so if they say no I’m screwed. Wish I could just get a coffee shop type job for a few months and using savings to top up income without affecting my career.
Seeing therapist for first time next week. Hopefully that will help.
I’m not sure about your work but with ours, if anyone changes their name, their old email and their new email are like one. There is a lady here who got married but also changed her first name and even if I type in her old name, it’ll still bring up her new email. Your old email can also forward to your new email so you can use both emails at the same time. You can use your old name for as long as you want to.
You’re definitely not screwed whatever happens! They can’t really say no. Do you know anyone who works in IT there? Maybe grab a 5 min convo with them to just be like “hey i’m changing my name so if I get a new email, can I still use my old one for a bit?”. You don’t need to tell them why.
Thank you. Have calmed down again now. At least if they’re off about it I can say that I tried to get in touch with them sooner. Also guess there’s really no point in being scared of a few ex-retirees still stuck in the 60s/70s. Irritating? Yes. Intimidating? Lol.
May be worth a post in the careers thread about job hunting after 3 months for some advice/support? It is doable!
Yeah you’re definitely not screwed. It’ll take longer than it should and be more hassle than it needs to because HR departments are, invariably, useless (sorry to anyone in HR but look into your hearts - you know it’s true) but there’s no reason for them not to sort out the dual email thing meow describes here for you. And you’re not an idiot for rushing ahead and changing your name on stuff - it’s an exciting time, there’s nothing wrong with being excited!
It is an interesting contrast between what you’ve written here and what you said above about her being out of your league, because she doesn’t seem to think so. It is very easy to be hyper critical of ourselves and think we don’t have value, but those feelings are temporary and even if they’re not, are in no way objective. One of the biggest things I learned from my own therapy is that our self-image is the result of our experiences and the labels other people put on us because of their own baggage. I was shocked when an ex described herself as a slut- I don’t think this is a word anyone would use to describe themselves unless they were trying to reclaim it, but I’d be willing to bet her dad called her that and it stuck with her. My point is that we are not the best judges of ourselves, and so often it is worth looking to the people we love and whose opinions we respect for what their feelings are, because they may be a better judge of how we are doing.
All true, thanks man. I asked some friends for advice and got some very lovely replies, ‘I wish you could see how great you are’ etc. All very hard to believe but honestly I’m exhausted with hating myself, so I’m just going to have to try.
Hi PM, yes BACP is the accreditation you want to look for. There is basically only one course you can do to become a qualified counsellor and it takes about 4-5 years so other claims of qualifications may be spurious.
They are self-regulating but they do have a firm ethics code and everyone has a supervisor they report to even if they’re independent (which many of them are) and the supervisors have supervisors, etc.
I found it enormously helpful and I am sure you will too. Probably the biggest advice I can give is to find one who is a good fit for you. Everyone will have broadly the same training but each has their own approach and each approach will work better for some than for others. Unfortunately there are bad counsellors out there and some who won’t work for you, there has to be a good relationship between you for it to work. Counsellors should not give advice but some find it hard not to be at least a bit leading. If it goes well then you should be talking 80-90% of the time, the session is about you not them (which for me is one of the best things about it, you can be unapologetically self-absorbed for an hour and it’s very liberating).
In short I am a huge advocate and please feel free to reach out by DM if you have any questions or issues about it afterwards. Good luck!
Yeah I know it’s much easier said than done, but if you keep trying to remind yourself of the evidence given to you by other people it is very hard at first but eventually those old labels start to fade and you can replace them with more positive ones.
Personally I find three is the tipping point - if one person says something good you can brush it off
as niceness but if three people you trust are saying the same thing then there may be something in it.
I think much of my self-esteem comes from my best friend, who is the most amazing person I have ever met. She’s one of those people who is annoyingly good at everything she tries. Everyone likes her, she doesn’t need to be friends with me, but she seems to think very highly of me and I respect her opinion so I kind of have to accept that there might be something in what she says, even if I can’t see it myself.
Yes, that’s what has happened with me! I normally just go to my one MH pal who helps me out, this time I reached out to 3 or 4 and got the same thing back from everyone. So I’m gonna do my best to believe it.