Of course! good job DiS is free right?
Terrified about induction day for new job tomorrow. I’m staying at the same time as someone doing the same job and they seem quite outgoing so a bit worried I’m going to look even more miserable by comparison. Really regret doing this.
content warning suicidal thoughts
I know it would really hurt my friends and family but I find myself wishing I had the courage to end my life, I don’t know why I can’t stop feeling like living is failure like I just grow further away from love and my true self every day/week/month/year. I’ve made my life as small as I can really but it’s still too much and not enough y’know? I guess it’s selfish and I should suffer really if it stops other people being upset. It’s hard though
what’s more tragic? to die now or to live to 60ish and wish I died in my 20s?
Best of luck tomorrow. Try not to compare yourself to the other new person - it’s ok not to be outgoing. Your colleagues are going to have plenty of time to get to know and like you and tomorrow is only one day of many that they’ll be working with you. In a few weeks nobody will be thinking of you in relation to the other new person. Also the other person might be faking being outgoing to try to make a good impression and is probably nervous too!
Keep going, mate. Something extraordinary could happen at any point.
thanks I will keep going, don’t want to worry anyone, I always keep going just not happy about doing so.
I’m pretty much in the same boat buddy. Just try to take it day by day. Something always seems to come along to just keep us going. I’ve started selling all my stuff to keep us afloat for now. Basically all I’m saying is we muddle along and that has to be enough sometimes because there’s always something on the horizon - you guys are working towards a better future so it will reach you eventually.
what do you mean you have “made your life as small as you can”?
Do you mean you have actively cut people out of it? Stopped going places?
Maybe making your life bigger would improve things for you
I know that’s not easy but the more insular you are the more pointless it will feel (i’ve been there)
mostly just using this as a space to vent and get some stuff out, tbh, but here goes:
just properly, properly stressed and anxious about everything atm.
as i mentioned in yesterday’s daily thread, my relationship of 7+ years ended last week. i went up to my parents’ on thursday and was there until last night, but am now back home and having to start sorting through the wreckage a bit. don’t really know where to begin with any of that.
even having lived down here for 6 years i still hardly know anybody, other than people i know through my now-ex partner (including the fact that i work with/for members of her family), so feeling a bit isolated right now and just want to hide away a bit, even though i know that’s not that healthy.
my flat’s a fucking state right now cos i haven been too anxious to keep up with maintenance properly. apparently the landlord was trying to get hold of me over the weekend to let me know that the flat downstairs was reporting a leak from their ceiling. it’s most likely a drainage issue (there’s a gutter outside my window that gets blocked quite easily and overflows if it rains too much, and the downstairs flat is bigger and sticks out below mine, so the gutter sits above their ceiling), but it means letting maintenance people in to sort that out and i’m terrified that they’re going to report back to the landlord that it’s a mess and get me kicked out.
my work situation is also a bit precarious (in addition to breakup-related anxiety, we’re a startup and very hand-to-mouth), i’m really struggling to focus properly and get stuff done and i feel like i’m letting people down by not performing as well as i could be. i probably need to start looking around for a job a bit just so i’m covered if stuff goes down the pan, but i don’t really feel at all emotionally prepared for that just at the minute.
i just feel like all the different aspects of my life are falling apart all at the same time and i have no idea how to deal with any of it or in what order or anything. i could use a hug tbqfh.
sorry to hear that you’ve clearly got quite a lot going on at the moment
if you can, do try to sit down and methodically think through each thing so you can work out which issues need action taken and in what order
feeling isolated is shit - and will change - but if you can focus on sorting something that’s more immediate (eg. your flat) you’ll be in a much better place to deal with the bigger picture (eg. looking for work)
honestly feel like I’m not responsible enough to be a functioning adult, but then hilariously the alternative is go live my parents for a bit
either way, how does one go about “sorting your life out” because I can’t fucking go on like this but I also have no idea what to do and it’s killing me. Please help
I’m sorry to hear this. I know its hard but it does get better with time.
Did things end on a civil note?
Do you have anywhere else you can stay for a bit or will you need to start looking for a new place straight away?
As awkward as it may be, you shouldn’t have to rush these things to make things easier because it probably won’t and you’ll still end up feeling a bit rubbish. You can only do one thing at a time, a job change and a house move combined will probably not be a great move.
You’re not letting anyone down. You’re going through an extremely stressful situation that any normal person would be rattled by so it can be expected for you to feel a bit naff.
Just be kind to yourself and take care. It will pass and you won’t feel like this forever xxx
um, reasonably. it was rough last week but it’s been a bit better since i got back from mum and dad’s. we want to be able to stay on good terms as far as possible.
she has moved back in with her mum & stepdad for now. the plan is that i will stay in the flat (assuming i don’t get kicked out over the maintenance stuff, which hopefully i won’t - i’m probably just freaking myself out a bit over not much ), at least for the time being.
obviously in the longer term, if the company folds and i lose my job, i don’t really have any great reason to stay in this area. our relationship was really the only thing keeping me here, so i don’t really know what will happen at that point.
Like seriously, I love Berlin but I don’t think I’m strong enough and I can’t find anywhere affordable to live
all the hope I had a week ago has vanished. felt myself tentatively opening up again, only to have it snatched away just as quickly as it appeared.
I can’t keep doing this. I’ve been through so much trauma already. you can’t be resilient and keep on trying if nothing has ever happened to make you better, if everytime you try and open up again, you get hurt.
just going to be back to nothing again because I’ve got nothing to keep me going even in the things I might do by myself.
I’ve got nothing left that makes me feel better
Same,but sending hugs anyway x
Fine I’ll move back, jesus
Do you like working for the company/job?
I know it probably all feels very shit right now but at least you don’t have to make any quick decisions right now. After a few weeks, things will settle down a bit and you can think more clearly about moving to a different area/job if you want to.
I’d say just focus on getting through a day at a time, sorting some house bits, feeling a bit more settled and then see what you want to do job wise.
We’ve all been there and it’s hard but you will get through it. And we’re here to vent if you need us xx