My mate who has been having a shit time on and off because of various things over the last year or two just left a really sad message about wanting to get murdered on the way home and I don’t know how to respond and I’ve been having a shit time recently and I don’t know what to do
Damn that’s a hard one. Nothing you say will please them - it’s a hypothetical without any answer. I guess you can only acknowledge their pain and offer support. I’ve said similar things to people before and just seeing the other side of it makes me realise what a difficult position that puts them in. What are you really asking of them by saying it? I think it’s kind of forcing empathy as a drastic way of displacing your suffering, but it makes the other person feel as if they need to offer a practical solution. I’m not sure it’s necessary though, hence me suggesting what might seem as a bit of a cop out. It can be very soothing, having another human being just clearing away the fog a little to wave and encourage you. Lastly I hope you don’t feel too much pressure to ‘fix’ them or anything as that’s obviously a very slippery slope and not at all your responsibility.
I have just had a massive argument with my brother which ended in me losing it and hitting him a bunch of times.
TW/CW: suicideIt was hard enough living here before but now this has tipped it into impossible. I think I am going to have to tell the council I am being evicted and so will be homeless so I can get somewhere else to live, but that will mean living in really unsuitable temporary accommodation for up to a month and being placed likely somewhere very unsuitable after that. Feels like I might as well just end it all now because I am never going to be able to deal with life and I might as well get myself out of everyone elses way. I won’t do that, but it feels like I should and to be honest I really don’t want to be here and I know that is disgustingly selfish as I have a son who is so sweet and innocent but he deserves so much better than this situation I have got him into. I guess it wouldn’t be any better for him though if I was gone so it is better he has a messed up life and knows his mum loves him, than has a messed up life anyway with me abandoning him.
I have managed to get R to nap so I can hide in my room for a couple of hours, but I am completely terrified of what happens after that.
Really wish there was access to support at the weekend, but my usual people work Monday to Friday.
Sorry, I really over share
Not at all FL. x
Much love going out to you FL, from everything I’ve seen you post you’re an amazing mum and a wonderful person. I’m so so sorry you feel like this and can’t imagine what it is like at all. Please please please never worry about over sharing, it’s what this thread is here for.
How are you feeling now FL?
I sent him a “Do you want to talk about it?” message and he seems to be doing better. I still worry about the lad.
A bit less desperate, thanks. Still at a complete loss as to what to do, it is pretty obvious that I really need to not be living here but I think the homeless accommodation would be equally traumatic. I thought about asking my aunt if me and R could move into her spare room but that would be really taking the piss and probably invalidate my housing application. After the argument my brother said he was “done with me” and he seems to be sticking to that as he hasn’t acknowledged me, let alone spoken to me, since.
You are all so great for supporting me, I really don’t deserve your kindness but I am very thankful for it, more thankful than I can express x
You do deserve our kindness, and remember we’re always here if you need us.
I hope you figure things out
Hi everyone, hope you’re all doing fantastically, or at least ok.
I’m down. I think I know why I’m down, too, which is unusual for me. The tv and I have been planning our next life “move” and things have been scuppering it one way or another since April. The latest scupper happened last night and I’m just not sure how much more of this I can take. I just want a solid plan and not to be living day to day not knowing what the next move is or could be.
There’s a lot more I could say so sorry that this is so vague, i just don’t want to jinx anything or also post anything too personal. Just feeling stressed and down and wishing we knew what was going on instead of being at the whims of others.
Any advice for dealing with this kind of “feeling like you have no control over your life” stuff much appreciated.
And keep those heads up, pals! you’re doing a great job, all of you.
Feeling a lot of anger this afternoon. I was fine before, knew it was too good to be true.
I feel like I’ve been gaslighted for months. It caused me to lose grip on reality, and in turn I ended up neglecting most other things in my life. I was so desperate to be everything this girl wanted that I ignored huge red flags, bended to her whim (and made sure I was always available at her beck and call), spent money I didn’t have trying to make her happy… I feel like a total mug, I’m so embarrassed. My self-esteem was so low that I ended up convinced that this was the only person that would have me, but also that she was too good for me and that I needed to work overly hard to convince her to stay with me.
At least my confidence is now high enough that I can say that I didn’t deserve this, and that she treated me badly. Really trying to focus on that, but it’s hard.
Just want to get past this point now where I can start feeling good again. I’m not making this mistake again,I can’t put my MH at risk again and I need to start really believing that I’m a good person and that people like me.
Needed to get this out and don’t have another outlet, so here you go.
intrusive thoughts coming back. trying to focus on what my counsellors/therapists told me to do. hoping the sertraline takes care of it. frustrated. i’m highly functioning, but when i’m like this, my head is a melting pot of frustration, self hatred, and unwarranted anger towards whatever subject is causing me the anxiety.
fuck ocd. fuck anxiety. just fuck off. fuck off. fuck off.
I missed all this yesterday.
I really wish I could reach right through the screen and hug you. I think you’re incredible, I really do. You are a great mum and you are dealing with such challenging circumstances and your brother sounds like an absolute arsewipe. Despite all this, you are such a lovely and engaging person and R is growing up to be such a kind and clever boy. Because of YOU. You are so bloody special. It makes me so sad that your family don’t properly support you (I know that they house you, but that is patently not the same thing).
Can you talk to Shelter for some advice? It might be that a short spell in temp housing, while obviously horrific to contemplate, might not be so bad, and you could turn it into an adventure for R, while you wait to get your own place? I always imagined these places to be like the poorhouse, and then I visited our local women’s aid refuge a few years ago when I was giving them some advice, and I was so impressed by how lovely and welcoming it was and not at all like I’d feared it would be. Maybe you could find out some more about the reality of what may be instore if you were to leave, and then you can make an informed decision?
You should also discuss with shelter whether moving in with your aunt for a few weeks might hinder your housing application. Sending you so much love and really hoping that you get the break you deserve soon. I wish I was closer and could help you in practical ways. xxx
Intrusive thoughts are just the fucking worst. I don’t have anything more helpful to say than that. But yeah. The fucking worst.
Hope you feel better soon.
When I feel like that tend to do little things with the stuff I can control: rearrange the furniture, plan a day out, reorganise my records or something like that. Dunno if it’d work for everyone but it’s like I’m saying, “ok world you’ve got all that stuff over me now but this shit here is mine.”
I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time with being at home. you know I know how that feels (although I didn’t have the weight of responsibility you have). you can have the worst, most traumatic arguments with your close relatives. I certainly have.
on one hand, it almost always passes. but then you end up more and more on edge around them. I still feel tense around my sisters and my mum, even though we’re all better than we were.
I hope you get somewhere of your own really soon. xx
so sorry dude you know I know how horrible all of that can be. will try and chat to you again soon, I’d like to think that might help a bit??
Sorry I didn’t respond sooner, but thank you so much UP, those were some very lovely things to say
Things have calmed down a bit more again and hopefully I can stick it out long enough, because even if temporary housing isn’t that bad, temporary anything when you are autistic is a living hell to cope with and I wouldn’t want to jeopardise the care I can give to R by breaking down without a safety net immediately there for him.
My family maybe aren’t as bad as that made them out to be. My mum tries very hard but just doesn’t understand how to help me, and I can’t tell her how either and she can get a bit frustrated. My brother has been a massive help in some ways, but the spark for the argument was that he has been massively overstepping his role and actively ignoring my authority as parent and taking decisions away from me in a way that reminds me of some of the controlling, abusive ways of my ex. Just some horrible masculine need to have the power over people probably. The confrontation in some ways has made me a bit stronger because I am trying to do more as a way of saying fuck you to him, that I don’t need the ‘help’ which isn’t actually help.
I have probably stopped making sense.
Thank you again, DiS has been an excellent support network for me as I don’t have any irl friends anywhere near, you guys are really helping me through x