Please don’t let yourself think this, or let anyone make you think this. Even from what little I know about you it’s very clear that this is absolutely not the case. You’re lovely and we are all rooting for you so much. I hope you feel better soon, please be safe. xx
Separate post because totally different subject matter: I was just watching season 3 of Please Like Me and I really like a lot of what they do with how they portray certain forms of mental illness but seeing actual physical self harm on screen (Hannah, in two episodes) has made me feel pretty weird. I guess it’s different things for everyone and they have to include some tough to watch stuff if they want to actually say something meaninful but I just did not see it coming and was caught completely unawares. I’m ok but just feel really uncomfortable. Good thing I was going to go to bed now anyway
NO, you are not toxic. Not at all. These are your people, who are supposed to be nurturing and caring for you and R, and they are really failing you if they are making things so hard for you. You are not trapped either- you will find a way through this, but take one thing at a time.
For tonight, try to do lots of good breathing. In for a slow count through your nose and out again for a slow count through your nose with mouth shut (assuming that you don’t have sinusitis like I do right now in which case please don’t die- Mouth breathing is fine if nose is no good). This will really help calm you in the short term. I’ve been doing yoga for decades and I still forget when I’m having a panic that this is better than anything.
Try to get through tonight and get some sleep. I’m not saying anything will be better tomorrow, as things do seem to be consistently hard at the moment for you at home (and if R is anything like my 2yo horrorshow is behaving right now, you are dealing with lots on the child front as well as the adult front). But sleep- please try now to get some- it will give you a better platform from which to do some thinking tomorrow. Maybe exploring some options for you to make you feel less trapped will make you feel better- the worst feeling is that there are no options, yet that is vey rarely the case in any situation (even if you are too sad an anxious to see that rn). Sending love and hugs and praying that you’re already having a sleep x
sorry everyone, brain dump incoming:
i’m really scared that i don’t know how to be happy. as soon as i start feeling down or lonely or whatever, i end up leaning into it really hard and becoming more and more fixated on it and cutting myself off, and whenever anything good starts happening to me, i seem to manage to go out of my way to find ways to fuck it up.
i’m having a really hard time being back at home, i feel like i’m just constantly seeing my worst traits in other people, finding them annoying and then hating myself for realising that that’s what i’m like.
i’ve had loads of arguments with my parents/brother, but nothing is ever really getting resolved, it’s all incredibly cyclical and it’s really getting me down. i feel like fundamentally we don’t really understand each other and i’m not really sure how we ever can, so i don’t know that i can ever have more than a really superficial relationship with any of the rest of my family. i keep trying to explain this to them, and saying that i think it would be better for everybody if i found somewhere else to live somehow, but that just causes more tension and fighting. (also i have no money and i’m not working right now so it’s not really very feasible anyway)
After a couple of days without any medication at all thanks to a pharmacy cock up (which I spent mostly alternating between crying at nothing and laughing at myself for crying at nothing, which is probably the craziest I’ve ever looked) I’m now on the higher dose of Venlafaxine. And now I just want to sleep all the time. On Friday (2 days into the new dosage) I got home from work early at 4:30pm, went to bed for a nap (not something I ever do) and finally got up at 11am the following day. And I could happily have stayed there a lot longer.
It’s all a bit foggy atm. Struggling to articulate myself at all, which is obviously not good for the ol’ social anxiety. Not really enjoying anything either.
So very tired.
I had much the same feeling when I initially went onto my own meds - super tired (and sweaty) all the time, didn’t want to do anything other than sleep pretty much. It will almost certainly pass as your body adjusts, but in the meantime do the bare minimum you can get away with to look after yourself.
Cheers man. I hope it settles down soon as I’m not much use to anyone right now. This is the third dosage increase I’ve had on Venlafaxine and none affected me like this so it’s got me a bit freaked out but you’re right, it’ll most likely pass.
Upped my dosage of lamotrigine last week on my psych’s recommendation. Dunno if it’s that or something else but I’m finding it hard to function, to concentrate, to not want to nap all the time.
Only side effect I’ve noticed so far though so that’s a good thing. My weight seems to have plateaued out too, and I’m taking steps to try to lose some weight, fingers crossed.
most probably is - give it a couple of weeks and see how you get on
I’m now actually trying out Better Help, after I was able to change to a different person (mentioned upthread but the first one they assigned to me put a lot of importance on her Christian faith etc in her bio, which is just not for me). They gave me several options to choose from so I really think I’ve found the best fit. Just slowly getting started with things now. Nothing crazy but motherfucker this stuff is scary. I’ve mainly just told her some bits about my everyday life and I’m almost in tears already (not really in a bad way though).
being embarrassingly honest about everything has always been my tactic. feels like it’s paying off in the long run.
Well done WR - don’t underestimate how bit a step just starting is. Hope it helps
As of this evening, this is the longest time I’ve been without alcohol in 10 years. It has also been the longest time I’ve been off mild opiates since I first became addicted.
Just wanted to get that down. Been reading quite a bit about neurotransmitters and “reversing” the damage that addictions can do…and I’ve the next period could be tough in new ways for me. Remembering the good stuff helps.
Huge step! Congrats so much! Keep up the good work!
Therapy can be all consuming sometimes, and it can be really exposing. It’s ok to cry.
Hope that this really works out for you!
Been having some time off DiS cause it’s not good for my MH at the moment.
I seem to have developed bad physical symptoms of stess/anxiety but from no real cause. Work is…fine. Home life is great. All house purchase has been sorted with no fall out. But I seem to have tummy aches and diarrhea for over 2 weeks now. This is incredibly linked to getting on the train to go to work of a morning/home from work/to or from anywhere where I need to get a train. Last week it was so bad, I couldn’t face it. I was so nervous about needing the bathroom on the train because the week prior to that, I had got off the train three times in one week to go to the bathroom.
I’ve been to the doctor who couldn’t give me any diagnosis but have sent off a stool sample to check for a stomach bug. I feel I am ready for them to come back and say it was all clear so I’m starting to panic that maybe it is a stress/anxiety thing and I don’t know what to do. I feel like such a fool.
Should I ask for some kind of time off for stress if it’s not a physical illness?
Should I see if I can go on some low level anti anxiety meds to see if that helps?
Kind of at a loss and just want to cry. Anyone had physical symptoms like this? I’ve tried everything to make it stop.
stress is a serious condition and can have crazy weird physical symptoms.
Sorry I can’t offer much practical advice.
Nice to hear from you though meow, we’ve all missed you
Take care x
I used to be like this with needing a wee
like if i needed it i HAD to go right then
assumed i was just medically broken somewhere
Since taking sertraline my wee habits are back to complete normal - its very odd