sorry yugs xxxx that’s rubbish. I didn’t know it manifested that way for you.
I said something a few weeks back to the girl I fell for that might be pertinent. it was relating to me telling her how much I liked her, and her feeling like she wasn’t good at all.
it can be jarring when you don’t like yourself and people say nice things about you. when it doesn’t add up with how bad you feel about yourself.
nobody outside of you feels anywhere near as bad as you do about the the aspects of you that you don’t like, though. you are deserving of love. maybe you can’t process that yet. maybe it will take lots of practice, maybe you just don’t have an idea of yourself that you can accept just yet. I don’t know.
but if somebody feels that so strongly (hopefully not in a way that makes a friendship impossible - he must know that you wouldn’t want that, surely?), there must be something to what they say. there will be. you will be a multifaceted person, you will be so much more worthwhile to people than you can imagine.
I am so tired. I was lifted so briefly out of the shitty place I’d been in for so long, and now I’m just deep in that place again, except deeper, and more jaded.
you’re not allowed to find relief in somebody else, are you. it isn’t okay for somebody else to be the only thing that lifts you out of the hell you can’t otherwise escape.
less than a month ago, I felt a grace and a freedom, a sense of joy that I have never felt before as an adult. I felt capable of feeling love and happiness in a real way. it seemed that I was just at the beginning of something that would only grow from there.
and now this can’t be. certainly not for a while. maybe never.
I want to stay strong, to not fall apart. I can only think of this in terms of not wanting to seem like a hopeless case if they ever come back to me. for them to not feel like they’re too important to me and feel too much pressure. this shouldn’t be the main reason for wanting to not fall apart. I don’t think I have it in me anyway.
I’d barely begun to start feeling my way out of the hurt, broken place I was in.
I don’t know what to write or say anymore. I’m sick of talking. maybe people are sick of hearing me like a broken record. there’s nothing left of me without the light of someone special. I can’t exist only for myself. nothing is worth doing in that context. I don’t have the energy without the hope of love.
Decided to do the sensible thing and quit drinking for a bit. The round of club lime and sodas are on me, lads.
Good for you, m9. I’m taking a little break too- as much as I properly love drinking, I definitely use it to ignore my problems for an evening and then get mega beer fear the next day. Hope it helps you x
Have my first proper therapy session for the first time in about two years on Thursday- feel hideously anxious (which is ironic and would be funny if it weren’t real). Doing the best I’ve done in ages tbh but, yknow, lots of bereavements and stuff isn’t the best and I’ve been ignoring that. Not looking forward to picking that scab off but yeah, it’ll probably be okay won’t it.
As ever, wishing everyone in this thread all the love and support in the world cause you’re a bloody good bunch. I’m a weapons grade idiot but my PMs are always open if you want to vent (and lord knows I spend an unhealthy amount of time on here so you should get a speedy reply)
The last month has probably been the best month of my adult life, in terms of mental health. I don’t really know what to do with myself, but I do know that it feels wonderful and life feels so, so, so different to what it was at the start of 2018. I’m not posting this to brag, just to inspire, I hope! I’ve had some truly dark days in the past and ones where I couldn’t see any hope for the future, but as of right now my confidence is skyrocketing, I don’t hate myself and I’m really enjoying being alive. As with @kermitwormit, my PMs are open and I’m always happy to listen, as others have done for me in the past.
Hopefully this is permanent and not temporary, but having had a taste of it will be great motivation for the future.
Keep going, everyone x
You’re one of the best, Juke. So, so glad you’re doing well cause you deserve it
Thanks Good luck for therapy, you’re right that it’ll be okay in the end… I’m sure it won’t be easy but keep your eyes on the prize.
And you’re not a weapons grade idiot, and it’s not unhealthy to spend time on here… time enjoyed is never time wasted.
Thank you, too! Yeah, I know it’ll be good for me in the end but it’s nerve wracking isn’t it, opening up at first. It’s a bit like dating, that initial first session finding out if you suit each other. Although to be fair I’ve had a lot more therapy sessions than I have dates
And yeah! That’s a bloody good point. We all like what we like and I really like this place.
Genuinely over the moon that you’re happier mate
There’s always hope, 'denza. Hope you’re having a better day. You’re a good guy. X
I think it’s perfectly natural to find relief in someone else. Of course it’s healthier to find joy in being alone, or at least to not pin all your happiness on one person, but it isn’t wrong. If you felt capable of love and happiness a month ago then you can get there again, you proved to yourself that it wasn’t impossible.
Hope you feel better soon. thewarn is right.
Hi mate. Sorry for not replying sooner, was trying to come up with the appropriate words. The bit in your post about you not being able to find relief in someone else really struck a chord with me- I think we’ve all been guilty at one stage or another of thinking another person can erase all our sadness and make us really happy, but realistically they can’t. You can put someone on a pedestal and think they’re the best thing since sliced bread, but ultimately they’re still human and flawed just like the rest of us and as horrible as it sounds, it’s a bit unfair to put all that pressure on them.
I’m so sorry that this person brought you so much joy and now that’s not the case- that’s the absolute pits. But I don’t think you’re quite giving yourself enough credit- I’ve seen your Friday selfies and chatted to you on here, you’re a really good looking guy and properly funny. It’s so easy to say but you should have a bit more faith in yourself, I would bet good money that there are loads of people that fancy you.
Proper friends won’t get sick of hearing you talk about the same thing over and over, and if they do then that’s what this thread is all about. You’re great, honestly. And at some point in the future you’re going to be so happy and you won’t even think twice about this time when you felt so shit, although obviously that doesn’t make it easier now. Not really sure what my point is other than that I really empathise with you and have every faith that you’ll be very happy in the future x
Delighted to hear this. ️
going to post this in here because really it’s a mental health thing.
I’ve been trying to figure things out with her. it felt like we were making progress. she wanted me to still be in her life, I wanted to still be in her life. but there were and are things that now appear to be insurmountable.
now I am facing not being able to see her at all. for the forseeable future and god knows how much longer.
you all seem to have a rosier idea of who I am and what I’m capable of than is true. this blow is one too many for me.
ahhh man people are just keeping positive. If you need help then reach out.
I know its a tough thing to face but this person is perhaps better out of your life , giving you a chance to move on. There will be others.
Ahhh, I felt an huge level of anxiety before my first therapy session which was knotting up my insides something rotten… I don’t think I achieved an awful lot in that one and certainly came away wondering what the point was (I just summarised some history and stuff), but turns out thinking back it was really important in establishing some trust with my Therapist.
Hope it goes okay and ultimately is the start of something helpful for you
Haha that’s it- the first one is normally like uhhh here’s my family tree and I’m quite messed up in x, y and z areas. Glad you’ve got some trust with yours though love
Ironically this is a therapist I’ve had before, whom I totally ghosted and was talking to about my problems with intimacy/getting close to people haha
Ah! You probably know this anyway, but the ghosting thing will feel weird to you, at least at first, but they’re almost certainly used to it happening all the time and harbour no ill feelings about it!
Obviously that doesn’t make any initial awkwardness any less valid as a feeling
I’m not sure if this is the right thread for this, but I really need to vent.
We’ve been trying to get our 6 year-old son an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) - basically to ensure his needs are properly assessed and he gets the help and support he needs. He’s been diagnosed with ASD. Spent weeks working on the paperwork with the school SEND team, who have been brilliant. His issues have escalated: not going to go into the detail but basically large, noisy classrooms just aren’t going to work for him. Nor is not having permanent specialist support. He’s reacting to day-to-day demands (in School, and at home) violently. We want to try and get him into a specialist ASD school that will be able to give him the support he needs asap. The only other alternative that I could see working would be home-schooling and we can’t really afford to give up either mine or my wife’s salary.
Anyway, got the paperwork in and they basically ignored all the evidence of escalation - simply pointing to an earlier SEND assessment that was carried out in February, and that it all seemed fine then with the school having sufficient strategies in place (which was true at the time). Also pointed out that academically he’s meeting/exceeding the expected standards, like that’s the fucking point.
EHCP denied. Meanwhile my son is on the verge of internal exclusion today after another bad morning. He knows what he’s doing is wrong, but he can’t help it. And the school are doing all they can, but it’s not enough. He’s so stressed by it all (other kids are increasingly scared of him/being told he’s weird etc) he’s already started self-harming by hitting himself as well. He’s a lovely little boy: he just needs help.
We’re appealing and the school are backing us all the way, but I just want to cry. It’ll probably be another couple of months to go through it all again. Started getting a racing heart/other anxiety symptoms and not sleeping - I’m constantly worrying about the next day/hoping he’s ok/waiting for a call from the teacher letting us know of another incident. My wife is going through the same. Can’t focus properly on work either.
Fuck bureaucracy. The whole system is set up to only intervene when things are really, really bad instead of intervening early on.