**New** Mental Health Thread (2018)


This is really rough. Sorry that you’re going through it.

I may be asking the bleeding obvious (and apologies if I am), but have you spoken to the National Autistic Society? They’re a great organisation, and they have a helpline. They might be able to help out in some way.

Again, sorry if this is an avenue that has been explored/is not feasible.


Mate :frowning:
I don’t think that’s true. Dunno about you or anyone else on here but personally I think my posts are a pretty accurate representation of myself and I genuinely think, as Internet pal that you seem wonderful. And you’re fit as!
It’s horrible but it’s probably for the best that if things aren’t progressing that you shouldn’t have her in your life. Your feelings aren’t going to disappear and it’s much more healthy to cry your heart out every night about that for a while than it is to try and pretend you can just be friends with her.
I promise you’ll be alright, even if you don’t think you will right now. I’ve WEPT over guys and I at the time never thought I’d be alright again but I am. Please try and like yourself as much as we all do, however impossible that might seem


Mate :frowning:

As Weeber says, really sorry you’re all having to deal with this shit.

If you and your wife are struggling yourselves at the moment, don’t feel afraid of going to the GP and admitting that - they may be willing to give you something to help in the short term until things settle down again if you want or be able to refer you to other services that may help.

While I know kids obviously come first, do your best to look after yourselves and lean a heavily as you can on any support networks you have around you as well… your own health is important as well!


I’m so sorry, dude. my eldest niece has ASD and really struggles with her behaviour. my sister and her haven’t had this kind of struggle exactly, but I can imagine how hard it must be for you. x


there must be people on the site who can give you some advice, although unfortunately i’m not one of them

who’s a teacher? might be worth sending a PM

wishing you all the best :+1:


I feel I can actually empathise a lot with your son here, my behaviour never escalated quite that far but I was prone to lashing out when things got too much. Classrooms are overwhelming places when you have ASD - constant sensory assault, new information to process, an incredibly complex social structure where you have to be constantly prepared to figure out new interactions.

This might not be helpful at all as it is hard to say not knowing what is being done already and what you son is like, but are there any even small ways you can address things that might be particularly triggers for him, or just to lower his baseline stress level?
Dealing with sensory things - obviously some things can’t be helped entirely, but for example looking at where he is sitting in the classroom: would another table be quieter (tablemates less noisy, position towards the edge maybe)? Is there too much visual distraction from being by a door or window or too close to the board? Plenty of other things you can look at like ear plugs, making sure clothes are as comfortable as possible - just looking at lowering stress levels in any small way, things like that can mean processing difficult situations can be easier as there is less taking up your brains processing capacity.
Then there are things with planning and routine, like is it easier on him if he knows the timetable, if there is going to be any group work and who it might be with, are there any lessons with activities which are out of the ordinary (that last one was always an issue with me, I would be taken by surprise, not feel prepared and could throw a right strop and argue with teachers).

Probably useless information here, I am just thinking if bureaucracy is getting in the way of the real solution then it will help all of your family if there is anything that will make things a little calmer for you guys. I hope he can get the support he needs, and you and your wife as well - as said uptrhead, it is important you look after yourselves too.


I’ve been through so much more in my life than I’m detailing in my posts. I’m a very sensitive person. the things I’ve been through have made it so hard to cope in any given way.

I was still suffering from the last time this happened when I met this girl. the whole process is exhausting. I don’t have it in me to cope with it again, and I’m just lost for a way through this.

my life has been in tatters for two years, longer. I don’t have a job, not even the part time one I was doing that was doing me in. I’m still at home.

there are things I was thinking of doing; different, slightly more bearable part time jobs. volunteer work. but I don’t know how to pull myself together now.

I was thinking of anti-depressants, but they have only ever made me feel worse. flat, unalive. but I can’t bear my emotions right now.

what I said upthread, I meant that it’s widely seen as being the thing that other people cannot be what gets you through. but that’s the only thing that’s ever made me feel that I could get back on my feet, go through life not merely on my knees. and for all the lovely people I know, it’s only been two people who have brought me up off my knees, just by being who they are and taking an interest in me, and they are both gone.

sorry to be so hopeless. I keep getting advice and helping words, and I feel guilty that I cannot take your words onboard.


I don’t know how many different types you have tried but there may be one that suits you that you haven’t tried yet? Getting the medication to help deal with things is a good first step, get your head clearer and start trying to work on other things after.

I don’t want to be Mr obvious here but you need to get yourself into a better place before you consider another relationship.

Being at home is fine so don’t worry about that, not having a job is fine, take your time to find something you want to do whilst you have the safety of being at home.

Maybe routine will be good for you? Do you have any interest in exercise such as running?


Based on what you’ve written, and there’s absolutely no reason to doubt what you’ve said, that’s a fucking appalling decision.

If you haven’t looked into already, here’s some gov.uk advice about appealing an ehcp decision: https://www.gov.uk/appeal-ehc-plan-decision

I’m not personally great with this stuff, but there are many people on DiS who are good with both legal letters/processes and wording complaints too (you or your wife might already have knowledge in this area). There are also people with extensive personal/professional knowledge or asd/neuro-diversity.

I hope this is a situation where DiS can pull together and offers some real help.

And, as stated by others, please try to remember to look after yourselves too :slight_smile:


Just had a brief look at the guidelines; was this recent application a new one, or an appeal against the SEND assessment done in February? If it was the former, I think this is the form you’d need to fill in: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/729157/send35a-eng.pdf

Sorry if I’m telling you thing you already know


there’s this idea that if someone is broken or struggling in some way that they aren’t ready for a relationship. which really precludes a lot of people with long-running mental health issues from love, I think.

the thing is, at least in my case, that during the period before it all started to go south, I was at my best. it brings the best out of me, makes me stronger, lighter. I was the more functional one in so many ways; it was easy, lovely. I was coping just fine. I had learned lessons from the last time I fell for someone.

the only misstep I made was being too effusive and open in the wrong situations with others, which in a way I don’t want to go into, came back at me.

I already keep very fit and active. the ways in which I struggle (when in this kind of situation) are ways in which consistency and confidence is necessary. my emotions are also cordoned off now. it’s a car crash, it has been for a while.

medication is the only thing I can think of. I have to shut down for a bit. I can’t cope with feeling this way again.


only thing I can think of is to focus very closely on playing guitar. it’s an outwards thing emotionally, is predicated on close concentrated attention to detail, is something I could use if I got some consistency.


this is definitely a good thing - we all have to do things our own way.

I wasn’t trying to be patronising with regard to being ready for a relationship…I know personally I have tried to jump into them before and not been ready and struggled with many aspects as a result

Of course, you know yourself best…hit me up if you need to chat mate


Thanks FL (and everyone else)

We have been trying to remove as much stress as we can from his life. Basically treating him as an adult as much as we can: involving him in decisions/giving him options/never saying directly he can’t do something or he has to stop right now etc. Avoiding busy environments/areas where there are loud noises and strong smells he doesn’t like, and going through the plan for the day in advance. For the most part it’s working at home at the moment, but he’s struggling at school. Start of new term/new teacher/classroom etc is having a big impact too I think.

At school he has ear defenders, a safe space, sensory box, visual timetable, now and next chart and lots of other strategies that help to an extent, but telling him directly what to do and/or stop doing an activity he’s enjoying (ie what the teacher does/has to do several times throughout the day) is pretty much guaranteed to lead to a meltdown at the moment. As is any competitive activity/anything he perceives could be considered as winning or losing. I know it’s not diagnosed separately (and there seems to be plenty of medical scepticism as to whether its ‘a thing’), but he fits the Pathological Demand Avoidance profile pretty much exactly. When he has a dedicated TA with him throughout the day who can prepare him each time for transitioning activities, it’s better, but I just don’t think a big busy classroom is the right environment for him, even if he did have dedicated 1-2-1 support. We’ve just been assigned a family support worker and we’re starting weekly meetings with the school, so hopefully we can work through more strategies that could help and your suggestions about where he sits etc are really good ones that I hadn’t considered.


Thanks wonton. It was a new application for an assessment. We’ve got a meeting with our local SEND team/the School next week to discuss putting in the appeal.


Sounds like there is a lot of things you are doing, hopefully they can start having more of an impact and it can be a bit better when he is more used to the new school year aspects.

I don’t know if this is a workable strategy or something that has already been tried, but for helping with transitioning tasks would some sort of count down timer work? Especially if you could get one that was more visual, with different coloured lights that change as time runs down to signal that he has to prepare himself for a change (I don’t know if this exists but it feels like there must be something like it).

If you get a good family support worker I think that will help you loads, my one is absolutely incredible and just talking to her I feel considerably less parental stress for a while afterwards and she has had lots of really useful strategies she has helped me develop for R.


A standard countdown timer just stresses him out, but a more visual one might be worth a go, thanks!

I’ve only met the family support worker once, but from first impressions she seems great. I think we’re actually very fortunate that we’ve got a really good team trying to help. We’re at a low point at the moment but I’m still hopeful!


Can’t really add anything here thewarn, but hugs to you, your wife and son. Can’t imagine how difficult this would be to cope with


Ah okay, from you said before the school/SEND team looked to be working for a good outcome so hopefully they’ll have a plan.

Just on what you said earlier about bureaucracy…from the other side (in terms of being part of a service that provides support) it’s the horrible consequence of financial pressure. A key job role now is to differentiate between those who really need help and those who desperately need help. Not that this makes it any easier for those on the end of these decisions…just highlights that change is long, long overdue in this country.


Depressed / anxious people do you currently take medication

  • Daily
  • Recurring but less frequently
  • As and when you feel you need it
  • Used to take it but stopped
  • Never been prescribed but am / have considered it
  • Wouldn’t want to take anything
  • Other

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