Yeah ive sent an email to my old unis career service. Recently had my laptop stolen with my newest CV on so i suppose its… an opportunity to start again. I interview like shit also
I’ve never really shared on here before about my struggles with MH, as I’ve been a bit scared to, so hope you don’t mind me dropping in. It feels like an appropriate day to do so.
I don’t really know where to begin though. 2017 and 2018 have been incredibly difficult for me, as I went from loving doing an MA in a city I loved, to being stuck in a hometown sleepy Essex village with my parents in a mundane and miserable job. I’ve really struggled to adapt back to that, and I kind of spiralled into quite a deep depression earlier this year after it just being relatively ‘mild’. Just constant self-loathing about all aspects of my life, to put it briefly.
It really put a strain on my relationship with my girlfriend, who also had a history of bad depression in the first two years we were together. I was a bit frantic emotionally, and was self-harming frequently, and she had the full burden of it because of my reluctance to speak to anyone about it. I eventually applied for CBT, and have been having over the phone sessions since May, and it’s been really quite nice. More than anything it has helped me recognise certain things that would ‘set me off’, and certain things that would help.
I really felt I was doing great and on a road to recovery, but my girlfriend broke up with me just over a month ago, after 4 years. She cited that my depression was having a negative effect on her MH, and that she needed to put herself first. It felt like all my progress had dissolved, and that the one person I had shown vulnerability to or opened up to didn’t have faith that I could get better. It’s also been hard to not be a bit resentful that I supported her throughout her depression, and she has dropped me as soon as mine got quite severe.
I feel like I’m doing okay. It’s been hard to separate what ‘depression’ is, and what a natural response to a traumatic and sad situation is occasionally though, and it’s been very difficult having to completely rethink your life plans in an instant. Part of me thinks that I’m better off, and part of me can’t shake off what became a bit of a dependency on her. I think in hindsight, and after talking and opening up with friends, she was occasionally quite abusive mentally, and used the fact that I didn’t tell anyone anything to her advantage. An example I was thinking earlier (after she posted a cutesy image about the importance talking about mental health on Instagram…), was that when I had the courage to tell her I was feeling suicidal or didn’t see the point in living, her reaction on more than one occasion was “how would that make me look to everyone?”. I dunno.
I feel like this has been a bit of an incoherent ramble written on my 30 min lunch break, but just kind of wanted to vent and share a little!
Might be worth a post in the career thread as people may have some good resources? I found the Ask a Manager site really helpful
Venting and sharing is exactly what this thread’s for… Don’t feel you need to apologise for anything you say in here.
I hope you’re on the start of a journey to find a better place for yourself and you’re able to get closure with your relationship before too long x
Thank you. Should’ve absolutely mentioned that I’ve started a new job which I love a lot, that was fatefully offered to me just after this happened. It’s probably exactly what I needed and I feel incredibly privileged and lucky for it to have happened to me.
I’ve been going to the gym a lot more which has helped massively with my mental health too.
I’ll be alright, but I think the main struggle at the moment is keeping that in mind…
just checked my emails and saw some updates for a dating website. I went on there and looked around out curiousity, boredom, loneliness, and looked at the profiles of some matches, and their interests, and I realised that I am falling back into feeling empty of interest in anything.
more so than apathy, antipathy even. I see all these things people are into (beyond the aforementiones apps), things people do with their lives, whether they’re people I know or not, and it’s overwhelming; it just compounds my increasing inability to do anything or feel good about what little I do busy myself with.
I’ve been so empty for so long, and I thought I was getting that positive impetus to do things again, but it’s disintegrating, and the burden of all the years I’ve spent wasting away previously is crushing me again.
Got a serious case of THE FEAR this morning, couldn’t face anything and just completely shut everything out.
Of course, I had commitments today, and the longer I go without explaining myself the worse it gets! Need to pull myself together, but I hate making phone calls like this. Argh!
It will get better wonton. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but it will improve again eventually.
(And yes, the phone fear is horrible. I empathise hugely)
I took a stab at an email address that I’m 95% sure is right. Anxious to get a response, but also very anxious to not get a response!
Used to have a contingency plan where I’d ask for alternative contact details when at a new place, but stupidly didn’t do that this time as I thought I’d be fine.
Obviously I don’t know the details, but chances are things will work out okay - and if they don’t, then this place probably won’t be right for you in the long run anyway.
Look after yourself mate.
It doesn’t necessarily help that it kind of has to work out. It’s a final year nursing placement. This is exactly where things went tits up last year and I deferred. Only option really is to stay positive, the alternative is unconscionable (to borrow a brexit term)
Found this article fascinating and resonates with a lot of the stuff we talk about here
I’m not really posting much at the moment but I wanted some advice, mental-health wise, and also just to vent/share.
I’m four months into a secondment in my work - it’s a management role, a significant step-up in responsibility, and in many ways I’m really well-suited to the job based on my experience and skill-set. My line manager is really happy with my progress so far, etc etc.
But it’s taking such a toll on my mental health / stress levels. This evening I was supposed to be going out for drinks with the team but I bailed at the last minute. I was nearly in tears at my desk earlier. I feel like I have to act the part as a manager; also my line manager is excellent but is quite old-school about this sort of thing and doesn’t seem to have much insight into stress/anxiety.
I find myself taking on the emotional burden of the people I manage, the criticism of the people in the department, and just this constant barrage of conflicting opinions about how we should do things. There’s a whole bunch of stuff I don’t know how to do properly, and it’s only going to get more intense as the winter comes and our service is subject to intense scrutiny.
I want to keep going with the secondment, because I think it’s the right thing to do, but it’s just really, really tough.
Anyway I was wondering if there are any people on here who have line management / strategic management responsibilities and who have a tough time mentally as a result?
Sorry for going on for so long. In short: mental health tips for people who are managers?
I’m sorry to hear you’re finding it tough, and equally sorry that I can’t offer much help!
But it’s just good to see you on here and I hope you’re keeping well otherwise, as well as your family the board misses you!
I’ve posted ever-so-occasionally over the past few weeks (e.g. a post in the Low thread, a post about Fenino)… my workload has increased by about 6-800% at work, so my dayshift days are permanently over, I think.
I just figured that people on here have been so supportive to others in the past when their mental health has suffered, and so I thought I’d come on and vent - even if there’s nobody in the same position.
I’m trying to keep well otherwise. The family are doing great thank you hope all is okay with you, too!
Ah right, sorry just hadn’t noticed you around.
I’m sure there will be people with some relevant experience/advice, there almost always is. Coming here to vent is a sensible option
Haha, I’ve really not been around much! Maybe three posts in a month. I was on about 400 posts a week in my heyday
Tagging @he_2 for this.
Nice to see you btw CCB, despite the circumstances if that makes sense. I’ve missed you. Hope you manage to find a way through that works for you x
Definitely. It’s hard.
The worst for me is having to work with people where you can’t be their friends all the time, because you need a level of detachment. And they can resent you at times, and you have to just absorb it. There’ve been times when something’s come down from above that I don’t necessarily agree with but that needs to happen, and I know the team will hate it, but I have to get them to do it. I’m almost making people resent me by my choice not to sympathise with them, and as someone who’s very insecure and a bit lonely that’s the absolute worst.
The only advice I can give is to try to create a relationship with everyone in the team where you’re willing them to succeed. I have one-to-ones with my guys where we talk about how they can get better and effectively try to take my job. I share some of the challenges I have with them but never pin the blame on anyone else. I talk to them about their long-term aspirations and get them training or give them tasks that can help them get there. I find that so rewarding that it tempers out the stress of everything else.
(I’ve had a really shitty few weeks at home, and two of my direct reports in meetings this week told me that I’m the best manager they’ve ever had, and that boosted me so much that I went home and blubbed)
If you’re ever struggling, feel free to DM me. And if you are finding it tough, see if you can talk to the person above you. They should be willing you to succeed too.
Ah really appreciate it. And thanks for tagging someone else in. The autumn and winter are likely to be pretty rough but I’ve been told that it gets easier after the first year.
(Basically, my job is to be the lead officer for our council’s response to single homelessness and rough sleeping in the city. Which means - amongst many other things - getting the various agencies to work together, deal with central government, oversee the hostel referral system, oversee the winter night shelters, overseeing the police / ASB team responses where appropriate, seek out new funding / housing opportunities, as well as managing an in-house team of people who procure and manage housing for homeless and vulnerably-housed people. It gets a lot worse in the winter because you get daily calls / emails from people asking why person x is out on the street. In many ways it’s a dream job but it’s so ridiculously broad that I am rushed off my feet most days)