Heartbroken, don’t know what the fuck I’m doing with my life, need so much help and a different lifestyle, fuck.
Had it confirmed to me yesterday that my ex was seeing someone behind my back in the final few weeks of our relationship, has done me over and I’ve been struggling with it despite having just had the best few months ever for my MH.
I’d JUST got to the point where I started to trust her and believed her when she said how great I am, and under a week later she was off with someone else. Three serious relationships under my belt and every single one of them has had this or similar. Not sure I can ever do it to myself again, don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust anyone.
I haven’t confronted her and I won’t, because she’ll only deny it so what’s the point, but it makes me sick that she thinks she got away with it and thinks I’m oblivious, because she was already so smug about her supposed intelligence, and it’s not the first time she’s done something like this so it’s yet more proof for her that she can go through life behaving however she wants with no regard for people’s feelings. Hate people like her, and I would hate to be with her now, and yet I’m still really upset and I don’t know why.
Happy Monday everyone
This kind of thing is bound to shake someone and also if you’ve experienced this kind of thing before, it’s opening up old wounds which is why you’re feeling sad about it.
She sounds awful. And it’ll come back to bite her one day!
She IS awful, and there were aspects of her personality that I wouldn’t accept in a friend but I let slide because of my low self-esteem. Dunno what the hell I was doing. Really don’t like her at all, but still feel crappy. It’ll pass
Thanks for the reply. Kind of thought I was over it so this has been really surprising, but I know I’ll be okay in time.
Big hugs Juke mate x
sorry to hear that.
Feel like I’m over-posting about just nitty-gritty stuff, so apologies to those in a genuine MH crisis.
I’m wondering if anyone else has a relationship with anxiety that is really difficult to break from? So, for years I was a catastrophiser, when a particular event was coming up I went through every negative scenario (particularly worst case ones) and thought it through…partly so I could think of solutions but also so nothing took me by surprise. I’d done this for years until last year, when I was trying to actively look after my MH, as I realised that what I imagined was always worse than the outcome. I’d get myself into such an anxious state before a particular moment (usually a meeting or something) and then just be overcome with relief afterwards.
The problem is…last year my brain “got wind” of this…and I started taking on a more “everything will be ok” attitude. Unfortunately, when I took this approach into a meeting about moving forward on my course after sickness, I was completely knocked back by the outcome. I felt completely overwhelmed and ashamed, as I hadn’t prepared for the worst case scenario.
And so here I am, a year on, and I’m back to getting really worked up about a meeting tomorrow…because I don’t trust myself to think in a relaxed way anymore. So it feels like I have to be anxious to cope. Does anyone else get this?
I get this, I have to plan so much to do anything I can work myself into a complete state. Especially when there are particularly uncertain variables so I can’t calculate properly, or I can’t even picture large parts of a scenario.
I don’t have any advice unfortunately, I have learnt a few more coping techniques for anxiety but I do really bad at stopping it in the first place.
Definitely have to be fully anxious over everything, even things that are meant to be enjoyable.
This weekend was a prime example. I’d been excited about going to this spin teacher course. Got myself so worked up that I couldn’t eat before I went and was heaving cause I felt so nervous/anxious. I got there and everything was fine. Same thing happened yesterday when I had to perform my track in front of everyone and I was last out of 15 (so 14 x 3min songs = A LONG TIME TO GET WORKED UP) and all I could do was be like "ok so worse case is I vomit on the handlebars so I should take this towel with me just in case or I can just get off the bike and run out or what if I faint because i’m so hungry and tired and feel very weak but it’s ok cause I think someone will come help me if that does happen.
Theres no way in hell I could function on a daily basis most of the time without having a plan for if things go tits up. This is why I carry such a huge bag of supplies with me everywhere cause I get worried i’m going to be stuck on a train and get hungry so better have a cereal bar or I may get a bit sick so need to have a carrier bag. Never ever have I been in such terrible scenarios but I have to be prepared or I won’t go.
I envy everyone who can be relaxed but I can guarantee in the scenarios that you or I get nervous about, everyone is nervous too but just hiding it well. And you’ll be hiding it well too.
I invent things to worry about.
On the rare occasion i can’t think of anything i’ll just pluck some random nothing of an incident from memory and worry about that again.
Sorry to hear you’ve been having a tough time with the secondment and additional responsibilities. Only just seen this but will write out a proper reply when I get some time
Well, I have loads of shit to improve if I’m ever going to be loved again
Do you guys have coping mechanisms in place for when you’re waiting on a reply from an email or text and anxiety levels are approaching the danger zone?
Tesco jam doughnuts.
There are probably better methods.
not really - this is a real weak spot for me
I was seeing someone earlier in the year who was an incredibly tardy replier to messages and it was absolutely ridiculous how much I let it effect my mood - WhatsApp and it’s blue ticks and last online info was not really a help
I switch off the ‘last online’ thing and blue ticks from WhatsApp for that very reason - and that’s just conversing with mates or people at the football club. Adding in dates and romantic interests, flip me, I think that might very well see me expire.
This is going to sound really weird but when I feel like things are getting too much and I want to hide like a snail, I either give in and hide like a snail OR I look at pictures of the universe like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i93Z7zljQ7I which make me feel really small and my problems insignificant. I also like to keep things in mind like, in a year’s time will I even remember this
bullshit problem/feeling and most of the time the answer is no. Much love, HE_2 x
Thanks, Isa, that’s good advice - trying to rationalise the issue to the size it really is in the grand scheme of things and finding a way to keep it in perspective rather than letting it inflate itself out of all proportion.
Welcome to the boards btw
Thanks mate. I know how difficult it is, I’m trying to wean myself off sitting at my computer on my days off with the messenger box open waiting for people I care about to reply. A watched kettle and all that.
But I keep trying and thinking I’m doing good things but I never seem to get better