I dont read this thread as I find it (selfishly) quite hard to sometimes so Im not fully aware of your situation but I just wanted to say that I hope youre alright. Youre one of my faves on here so sending good wishes your way
thanks mate, and I totally understand that, I tend to stay out of this thread at times if I don’t feel like I’m a position to help others, but I try to where I can.
I am ok, I am just exhausted and have to start again and improve myself and my parents are the only ones who really can help me do it at this point in time. I love Berlin, it is great, but I am not in a strong enough position to do it right now.
Since you took the time to reply, I will return the favour, are you ok? I feel like a total failure all the time, but decisions like the one I more or less made today help
Ah yeah that does sound tough to say the least. Hopefully itl work out for the best for you, do what you need to do thats best for you. Can imagine living in a foreign country has its ups and downs, its a scary thing!
Im alright really cheers. Just sometimes get a bit down about the future and that. Also sounds trivial, but my complete fear of flying is really getting to me
argh, going through another episode
feel so unbelievably worthless and anxious. also really hate talking about my mental health, and this is the best I can do even though I know it might help.
Ah I probably can’t help that much but you seem like a really top, top person and I really hope you’re ok.
I’m down, to the point where I feel like I could burst into tears at work. Should I just go home? I’m not even doing any work, I’m just scrolling around google maps.
I don’t see my psychiatrist until next Thursday. I saw him last week and he said he was worried about me, despite me telling him I’m fine. He wants me to change medications and although my current ones aren’t working and are contributing to my weight gain I’m reluctant to switch in case I have another episode / a bad reaction, especially at a time when external things aren’t all that stable (see below).
I feel like I’ve done so many things wrong in my life and that the rest of it is ruined. I had it so good and I fucked it up so badly, the only things I have are my loving tv and a job which I am pretty overqualified for. I’m worried my constant depression is driving the tv away but I don’t know what to do to make myself happy.
I’m worried about the future, the amount of time the tv can stay in this country is limited because of visa issues, and to move to his home country we would have to get married. Neither of us know what the next 6 months will bring, we feel like we’re living in limbo, but it’s leaning towards us moving country (again). My psych also hammered home to me the importance of having somewhere stable in my life (not necessarily where I live, but like… a base), and I just don’t have that. I fell out with my family shortly after my diagnosis and I’ve been out of the uk for so long neither of those places are a base for me anymore.
I’ve got no one to talk to about this because I have so few friends left, and none in this city.
Sorry for this depressing and self-centred post. I guess I just don’t really know what to do. I can’t really go on being this down as it’s affecting the tv too. I guess I should just hold my breath and try a different combination of meds. Which in turn fills me with dread.
Any advice or kind words appreciated. And for everyone else, I hope you’re doing ok and that the sunny weather is helping things. Xxx
Hey GP, you always have us x
Does your boss know about your MH struggles? If so, I’d probably try and have a quiet word and see if they’re willing to let you take the rest of the day and maybe tomorrow to have to yourself; even if all you end up doing is sitting at home in your PJs (although if the weather is like here in the UK, I’d suggest trying to make the effort to sit in some shade somewhere green if you can!)
Aw, ghostpony, I am sorry things are bad right now and I wish I had advice but I only have solidarity.
Not work for me, but I was ay my class and couldn’t do anything (not because I didn’t know what to do, I just couldn’t do it) so now I am sitting in the hallway crying.
My life is totally fucked, but it can’t be because I am the more competent parent to a lovely little boy. It is a cruel joke on R that I am the one he has to rely on when I can’t be relied upon to even take care of myself.
I am sure you aren’t driving your tv away, the situation has challenges for both of you but I am sure they love you very much x
Let’s try to break this down a little bit into steps.
First of all, if you feel like you want to go home, I’d suggest you do. Even if you just say you’ve got a tummy bug or a migraine, or you can WFH for the afternoon as “you forgot your landlord was coming over”, that would be an easy out for the day.
The rest of your life is far from ruined. You’re a wonderful person and you’re achieving a lot without even realising it.
Do you think you could reconcile things with your family at all?
Your TV sounds like a very understanding and accepting person and I know how it feels to feel like you’re pushing someone away but that will definitely not be the case. But if you’re both in a stage of unsettlement, you need to use that to bring you both closer and know that you can rely on the other one. I don’t think you can forsee what the next 6 months can bring, none of us can even with the most stable MH and homes.
Yep, just bawling my eyes out as quietly as possible in the hallway. Great.
Oh sweetheart. I really hate to hear of you upset because you’re just so lovely.
Is there anything particular that has got to you today? x
Really sorry to head this FL
Huge hugs. x
i’m so sorry
you’re one of the best
Quite a lot of stuff. Very overwhelmed by everything and feel totally incapable and not equal to my responsibilities.
I keep trying to type out a better explanation of what has been happening today but I cant make it intelligible. I will try maybe when I am calmer. Still crying, but heading home now at least.
Try and look after yourself FL. It might not seem much, but well done on making it there today; sounded last night like you probably weren’t even going to manage that.
I really liked your blue/green insta photos the other day. Hoping you feel better really soon
you haven’t ruined your life! your job isn’t forever and you’ll have better ones in the future.
regarding having a ‘base’, i’m sure that would be ideal but if you don’t have one then you’ll make yourself at home wherever you are as best you can and it’s not anything you should worry about too much.
this sounds like a really stressful situation, but try not to worry about things you can’t change. we’re here for whenever you need to vent.
Initial appointment tomorrow.
Just looked at the letter and the place is right next to my office haha fuck. Can’t cancel again so just going to have to pray no-one sees me (unlikely - it’s a very small industrial estate and the entry is in full view of my particular office which has v large windows).
Going to ask for GIC referral and hopefully for help with my messed up eating issues.
Not posted in this thread for a while & actually been feeling a bit better myself but just wanted to say everyone in here seems like a top class person and I hope and think things will get easier for you all
Hope you’re feeling better xx