**New** Mental Health Thread (Rolling, SSP)

took my first dose last night before bed. woke up tossing and turning at 7am and feeling roasting hot but managed to get back to sleep eventually. now my stomach feels quite sick.

having felt quite rubbish for a few weeks already I’m really not looking forward to possibly feeling even more rubbish for god knows how long before it works. it better be worth it.

i almost wouldn’t have bothered taking this if not for the fact that I’ve still been feeling light headed all the time - which I’m still not sure is being caused by the anxiety or not - doctor ruled out any heart or blood pressure issues but I still wonder if it’s an inner ear or viral thing. really hope it goes away either via sertraline or on its own

just found out one of my oldest friends has died of a heart attack aged 39. just in a complete state of shock. we had drifted over time and he lived far away but was still someone I considered a core friend. I feel bad as he had a lot of issues and I worried about him, but I never tried help or try to get through to him as i’m just not a person that could do that. I don’t know exactly what happened to him but think it was connected to alcohol and substances taking their toll, second tragic loss to his family as well. fuck

:heart: I’m so sorry for your loss

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Stick with it it will get better and fairly soon.

Another thing just to warn you about. Make sure to take plenty of water when you take it.

I’ve had it a few times where unknowingly it’s been in my throat and then must slowly dissolve and it’s not a nice feeling at all.

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Fuck man that’s absolutely awful.

Don’t beat yourself up about not being their just allow yourself to grieve. Must be a proper shock.

Take care of yourself.

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Gonna splurge a lot of unsolicited advice but this situation really reminds me of one I was in.

I’ve been in a situation like this before and these are the things I wish I had been militantly mindful of at the time:

  • it’s not your responsibility
  • there’s nothing at all shameful in putting yourself first at all costs
  • you can’t save anyone from themselves
  • sacrificing your needs completely for the needs of another is something nobody should ever have to do
  • you can’t ever make excuses for people when you know their behaviour is not on, no matter how deep or complex their issues are
  • your worst fears, in this case that you may have him on your conscience, are likely to be untrue, and in reality he is more likely to just replace you as an outlet with someone or something else

His behaviour is toxic and if you view him with any sympathy or tenderness then that’s beautiful but it doesn’t make any of his actions okay. He needs to be accountable for his actions, whether that’s refusing to see a therapist yet treating you like one, being manipulative, expecting way beyond a normal amount of friendship support from you,

I feel unsettlingly familiar reading about some of the irrational controlling behaviour and ultimatums as well as the complex issue of reminding you of how much of a support you are to him; being completely unable to facilitate a balanced, two-sided discussion about things; being completely unaware of how you might be struggling in the situation yourself. The person I was dealing with had deep BPD (borderline personality disorder) and was also definitely a bit of a narcissist and from this brief summation of your scenario, both sound like potential factors here too, although I am in no way qualified to make an assessment like this based on anything but speculation and personal experience.

My thoughts are with you and DMs are open if you want to talk in more specifics.

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Cheers, will do.

Just keep having doubts now about whether medication is right for me or necessary. I’ve been in my current funk for about 3 and a half weeks, can feel my head clearing now that my health anxiety has been addressed and I’m no longer panicking that I might be dying, I just have this lightheadedness/dizziness following me around that I want rid of, which might not necessarily be anxiety related anyway.

Outside of these panicky spells which are infrequent and usually triggered by health paranoia and have in the past only ever lasted a few weeks at a time, my mental health isn’t usually too bad - I can be a bit of a socially anxious person prone to nerves and awkwardness, quite lazy and unproductive, and can occasionally feel a bit existential or isolated but spend most of my brain time obsessively nerding out about music or whatever and can usually distract myself from worries relatively easily.

When the doctor mentioned medication I jumped at it but wondering if I’ve jumped the gun now, feels like a bit of a commitment that I might not need. Just feels like I’m voluntarily signing up to feel rubbish for another week or two (and potentially again in a few months if I come off them) when I might be on the mend already?

Though I guess if it improves those negative aspects of my everyday life listed above (which it’s never occurred to me to medicate for) then it could be worthwhile? And a four week lockdown might be a decent time to give it a go.

Think I said yes to medication immediately as I was feeling rotten and hoped it would just be a quick fix but it feels a little more complicated than that now.

You might find this is all anxiety related and this medication helps you out.if (after they have settled down) they aren’t helping they speak to your GP and get off them if you wish.

I kind of relate, for me I think it was related to a sense of numbness. I spent 3 years on-off in therapy and that helped a lot.

I would vacillate quite wildly, fixating on romantic prospects but then also seeking out attention from elsewhere, drinking to stupid levels and then slinking into work 45mins late the next day and sort of daring them to do anything (I had a very forgiving work environment). Would sometimes “catch” myself acting over the top but feel removed from it all and almost powerless over it, if that makes sense? Then I would have grey periods of numbness and fatigue and feel sort of floaty, dissociative.

I had a bunch of traumas in my early life that I just hadn’t really dealt with, and once I started getting into journaling as well as therapy, it really helped. Not sure if it’s the same for you but I had a lot of feelings of almost unreality and nihilism that I just acted out in big, loud ways and quietly sitting with those feelings helped a lot.

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cheers, this is just all new to me and feels a bit daunting.

i’ve been able to carry on with work through the recent anxiety but i’m a little worried about not being able to do my work through the sertraline side effects. it’s my last week in my current role this week so hopefully i can get away with a relaxed pace, though I do have to answer phonecalls. can always take a couple of sick days if necessary i guess. starting a new role next week that I’ve waited a year for so i want to be feeling well and ready to go, even though I’ll just be doing online training at first.

Hope the nausea doesn’t stick around, felt like having a terrible hangover today

I went out meeting clients and things whilst going through the worst of it and I’m sure they were non the wiser.

Of course everyone is different but a bit of nausea and feeling spaced out is very normal and won’t last long at all.

You’ll be fine and if you’re really not then just stop them. Your body won’t be used to them enough for really withdrawal symptoms. Always check with gp if unsure.

will do. i’ve got 4 weeks worth here so i’ll try and get through that and take it from there, supposed to call the doctor at some point before they run out to update her on my progress, will call her sooner if they’re still making me feel sick. don’t have too much to lose by giving them a fair go.

thanks for the advice, genuinely really helpful to hear from someone who has been through it already and promising to hear that they’ve changed your life

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I have felt really upset all day, really would enjoy a big cry right now but it’s not coming. I’ve found it so hard to focus on work today, and it’s the most hectic time of year atm, so I’m heart scared of dropping something important. Just feel like complete shit

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blurred just because

I have a bit of a dilema about this. I saw on facebook some of my friends met up for a little memorial for my friend who just died, these are some of my best and oldest friends but no one told me and it really came as a blow on a day that had already been really tough. I don’t know who organised it, but I suspect it was someone who I fell out with big time earlier this year, can’t really blame them for not contacting me, I did unfriend them after all.

Just don’t know what to do, at times like these you dont want to be fallen out with people, but I just don’t feel like I can apologise because I still find some of the things he believes are really (he has basically become one of these anti social justice warrior types, I would always engage with him when he was putting down perspective I believe in , he was doing stuff like defending ironic racism, the proud boys etc, calling people triggered. what pushed me over the edge was that he found it embarrassing when I publically challenged him on this stuff, and my definition of racism was mental, and said I had ulterior motives, after he deleted the comment thread i’d put a lot of time and effort into I decided to unfriend him as what is the point if you cant even respond to a friend when they put provocative stuff up.

Even though I had tried to spell it out to him I dont think he really grasped that it is not just that I disagree with him and think he is wrong, but as a mixed race person I find it personally upsetting not only that he has gone down this path but also that he is so dismissive of me on the subject (that he finds me embarrassing), its like he just found the whole thing tiresome/

So yeah don’t know what to do as I know from his persepctive he probably thinks I am the one who should apologise, but I dont think I can do that, not out of stubbornness, but because I am still really upset by it and don’t think I did anything wrong. But would rather not be fallen out with him at the moment. Just don’t see how there is any way I can approach him without it reopening the argument which would be really inappropriate at a time like this, but then if I do nothing it would just be really bad to carry on a beef through a funeral. I know this is a two sided fallout but as I was the unfriender it feels like the onus is on me to olive branch. but like I say, dont see how I can address it without raking up the argument. feel bad about being so egocentric and bogged down in this playground stuff at a time like this

It’s not your responsibility that you and your former friend fell out, it’s his, and although it’s up to you if you want to smooth things over, you aren’t the one who’s in the wrong here. If a beef is being carried on, that’s on him. I’m sure you’ll be civil with him if you have to interact so I don’t think you need to worry about your conduct.

Do your other friends who attended the gathering know that your former friend is, essentially, a racist? I can understand them still attending if they do know, given the purpose, but I think there are a few possibilities

a. Your friends are all fine hanging out with a racist or don’t think the things he said were racist
b. They feel uncomfortable about his views but hang out with him out of loyalty/hope that he’ll change
c. They don’t know he’s a racist and didn’t see the comment thread
d. They have stopped hanging out with him for the most part and only went along because it was a memorial

Might be worth knowing which of these is the case so you can decide how to proceed with the other people who went along.

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I’ve not discussed it with the other friends, haven’t seen anyone since lockdown (which is when we fell out), only talked to them online when I heard the bad news of our friend. I know the person I fell out with contacted one mutual friend when I unfriended him (to say it was ‘pathetic’) which was weird as that friend is more ‘right on’ than I am so wouldn’t have agreed with him. and he went.

it’s difficult, I would probably still stop short of calling him racist (though understand many would), I think he is really uninformed and has a total lack of perspective, he takes it at face value when people like the proud boys say they are not racist (should probably clarify it is not like he identifies with the proud boys or anything, it is that he defends them on a weird mix of free expression and also this bizarre idea it is just an ironic joke), and he is coming at it from a defending ‘free expression’ angle (which is obviously a faulty contradictory premise when it comes to these disputes) which while something I don’t agree with isn’t directly racist even if it enables it, but having said that I don’t think he is personally prejudice (and have never accused him of being), and that is probably the crux of our disagreement, he thinks unless someone is self confessed racist then it is unfair to criticise, where as I know intentions don’t matter if the outcome is racist or it enables racists, it is just the way he puts down people some of who are directly affected directly by the issues for not sharing his absurdly high bar for what should be considered racist that I find infuriating.

while i’m sure the consensus on dis would agree with me on this is deeply problematic, dis isn’t that reflective of wider society, and suspect my friends might be more middle ground when it comes to this stuff and just want to be diplomatic and not take a view. I have no idea if they know, or whether he has told them, I imagine he must of as my absence yesterday would have seemed very weird.

It’s his fault entirely, and he shouldn’t have been so petty in the face of something so serious. You aren’t at fault at all. He does sound like a racist, people who say what he says are imo just as sinister as card carrying racists, if not more, because they try to bend it as being protective over free speech, when they should just say what they really want. You should maybe reach out to another pal and just say that you and this guy are no longer fb friends so if there is any event relating to your mutual friend’s funeral can they let you know

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I wish I’d never tried to be social. wish I had given in to being withdrawn from people. the good parts are only heights that I’ve fallen from, and as traumatised as I was, I am so much worse off now.

Really struggling to cope rn and I feel guilty about it because objectively speaking I don’t have it that bad. Like I’m grateful for what I do have but I can’t shake this sense of despair and catastrophe. I’m still having visions/intense dreams about myself and everyone I love dying. Constantly ruminating on the uneventful life I’ve led like it’s already over because I know if I get covid doctors will leave me to die. If my mum gets it she will be left to die too. And I can’t live without her. I wish I could talk to my friends but everyone is in such a terrible place and in far worse circumstances I don’t want to burden them with my self indulgent cry baby routine.

So I go days without responding to any messages at all or even posting on here much and take my meds and hope it goes away.

you aren’t self-indulgent.

I know how that feels, to feel guilty for feeling bad, and I know it’s not something we can ever truly get on top of, given that some people will make us feel bad for these things.

however you manage to cope, please try to remember this, that your struggles are legitimate, and you are deserving of compassion.

(I wish I could help more than saying this, if I wasn’t completely broken) xx