btw thanks to everyone who gave me advice and support regarding starting Sertraline a few weeks back - however, i must admit i did indeed sack them off after two days. side effects were awful and it wasn’t a good time to be missing work as i was just about to start training for a new job that i’d been waiting on for a year. also i realised that all the obsessive anxieties i’d been having about my health were now being channelled straight into worrying about the pills, when they’d stop making me feel sick, obsessively googling people’s experiences on them in exactly the way i’d been googling health symptoms all the time beforehand. when i made the decision not to continue it felt like a big weight was lifted, and once the physical issues i’d been having started to subside i felt really pretty good and normal again by myself for a couple of weeks.
had a bit of a blip a couple of weeks later admittedly where an intrusive thought set me off again and the dizzy feeling recommenced, but got past it. i’m currently feeling somewhere in the middle though, where i’m feeling mostly ok but slightly on edge at all times. still getting a few physical aches and pains probably at least partially from being tensed up a lot, and while i’m no longer catastrophising them or panicking all the time, they are a bit annoying. i’m no longer panicking that i might have something terribly wrong with me, but it feels a little precarious, i think i’m worrying a little bit about slipping into anxiety again, or the dizziness coming back and it just becoming a loop. that’s still much better than how i was a few weeks back but it feels somewhat self-defeating to feel worried about the possibility of feeling anxious.
i’m much better when my mind is off things so trying to keep myself occupied is key i think, little bit hard sometimes though given that i’m on my own all the time. looking forward to getting home for Christmas as some time extended time around family might help me relax and loosen up a bit more (big improvement from a few weeks back when i dreaded the idea of being around people and having to hide how i was feeling. just being able to look forward to and enjoy my weekly zoom drinks with my friends again has been nice, whereas there were a few weeks before where i would dread them slightly before settling in and enjoying them after a while)
i’ve still got the Sertraline to hand as a back up, if things take a turn for the worse again i may give them another go. i mentioned to the doctor that i’d stopped them due to side effects but was feeling better without them, she suggested if i do need them in future to try taking half doses so that could be a goer. keeping them aside for now though.
long post, sorry, wanted to post a little update for a while