**New** Mental Health Thread (Rolling, SSP)

Have you felt like this at other places you’ve worked?

I mean, there are only two options, either your standards for others are too high and you should try to work towards having more realistic expectations of what people can achieve in the hours they’ve got, or your employer has a culture of not dealing with performance issues, in which case you might be better off looking for a new job somewhere else. Neither of those things is an instant solution, but both of those problems are solvable with time. Based on what you’ve said today, you can have hope because the problem at hand can be improved and there’s no reason to think it won’t get better.

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I feel absolutely horrific this morning. I was feeling awful when I woke up anyway but the transphobic article on the BBC front page has pushed me over the edge.

I’m supposed to be delivering a workshop tonight to people who have job interviews in a few days and I don’t know how I’m going to do it, even with the diazepam.

I don’t fit in this world and I’m never going to. I’m always going to be alone and depressed, and I’m never going to be able to cope with all the hatred and bigotry and spite. I don’t have the energy for it anymore. Working full time destroys me, but there’s no other way I can live by myself and with my dogs.

I just desperately want for it to be taken out of my hands and for it all to be over.

It’s both I think. The organisation has very well documented problems with this stuff, but I know I have high standards as well. I’ve never really been able to work with others, even at school.

I’ve been signed off sick for two weeks. I know that in the long term it will probably make things worse because I’ll be put in attendance management measures and I’ll have so much work to come back to. But there’s just no way I can work at the moment, so I would be getting in trouble anyway.

I’m such a pathetic failure.

You’re not a failure. You’re addressing whats wrong, and doing something about it by taking time off to recuperate and get back on track before things get out of hand. That is not a failure in my book.

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This, you’re taking steps to look after yourself which is the best thing to do right now. And while there will always be filthy bigoted transphobic people, there will always be those who have the complete opposite thoughts and feelings and even though its difficult not to feel down, it’s something I try to think about when I feel hurt, bewildered and angry at the hatred black people and muslim people face. Some people are just total scumbags and are not worth a second of consideration

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Long time lurker, first time poster

Not sure what happened a couple of weeks ago. Think I had some kind of panic attack maybe. Been extremely busy with work and really stressed out. Took off Friday last week to recharge batteries a little but literally counting down the days until the Christmas break. Wife has been quite worried about me as she found me crying which is something I never do. Just feel completely burnt out.

It’s been a really stressful, tough time and I’m sure the job you do is amplifying that a lot too so it’s no surprise you’re feeling that way. The first panic attack (if that’s what it was) is confusing and really scary if you’re not used to them etc and it takes time to develop coping strategies but they are manageable. Tbh sometimes a massive cry helps a lot to, certainly does in my case. We’re always here if you need to let off steam or talk or anything :heart:

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So getting a job in another company may solve half of that problem, and the other half is something you can work on. Just because something has always been a problem for you doesn’t mean it always will be. Change is always hard but this is something that’s causing problems for you and probably doesn’t feel great for the people you’re holding to an unrealistic high standard.

I’m glad you’ve been signed off for a couple of weeks because it sounds like you need it - look after yourself. Try not to stress about what you’ll be going back to, because it definitely won’t be as bad as what you’re worried about now.

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you’re doing so well considering what you have had to cope with in your life x

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yeah, i don’t get them very often so whenever i do i usually convince myself i’m dying or something which obviously makes it lot worse - however once you’ve learned to recognise it for what it is it’s a lot easier to deal with - just knowing it will pass in a few minutes is a big help in itself.

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Feeling totally crushed by depression at the moment. I just cannot cope with feeling like this.

I barely exist anymore

every thought or feeling that comprised my sense of self is too painful to engage with

I can barely even do anything on the less awful days now

@CillaCrack @Acorn :hugs: (even though this emoji looks more like a kidnapping than a hug)

@CillaCrack how do you feel today?x

@Acorn something I was told today while sobbing on a teams meeting was that it’s really important to remember how difficult things are, consciously or not, made worse by the changes and challenges that come with a winter lockdown and it’s important to be kind and forgiving to yourself and to acknowledge your strength, which definitely applies because though you say you’re barely doing things, you’re still doing them which really is something to be proud of

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I’m not doing things most of the time

I’m done tbh. I felt done already but a social thing has burned me since ^ and I’m completely done with everything. can’t ever feel good or safe again. done.

Would it help to talk about it? PMs always open too

I can’t PM you because your profile is hidden

Found out this evening my friend died of a drugs overdose on Monday. 31 years old. Chem sex is a poison. Just feel numb.

Sorry to hear that, man :frowning:

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btw thanks to everyone who gave me advice and support regarding starting Sertraline a few weeks back - however, i must admit i did indeed sack them off after two days. side effects were awful and it wasn’t a good time to be missing work as i was just about to start training for a new job that i’d been waiting on for a year. also i realised that all the obsessive anxieties i’d been having about my health were now being channelled straight into worrying about the pills, when they’d stop making me feel sick, obsessively googling people’s experiences on them in exactly the way i’d been googling health symptoms all the time beforehand. when i made the decision not to continue it felt like a big weight was lifted, and once the physical issues i’d been having started to subside i felt really pretty good and normal again by myself for a couple of weeks.

had a bit of a blip a couple of weeks later admittedly where an intrusive thought set me off again and the dizzy feeling recommenced, but got past it. i’m currently feeling somewhere in the middle though, where i’m feeling mostly ok but slightly on edge at all times. still getting a few physical aches and pains probably at least partially from being tensed up a lot, and while i’m no longer catastrophising them or panicking all the time, they are a bit annoying. i’m no longer panicking that i might have something terribly wrong with me, but it feels a little precarious, i think i’m worrying a little bit about slipping into anxiety again, or the dizziness coming back and it just becoming a loop. that’s still much better than how i was a few weeks back but it feels somewhat self-defeating to feel worried about the possibility of feeling anxious.

i’m much better when my mind is off things so trying to keep myself occupied is key i think, little bit hard sometimes though given that i’m on my own all the time. looking forward to getting home for Christmas as some time extended time around family might help me relax and loosen up a bit more (big improvement from a few weeks back when i dreaded the idea of being around people and having to hide how i was feeling. just being able to look forward to and enjoy my weekly zoom drinks with my friends again has been nice, whereas there were a few weeks before where i would dread them slightly before settling in and enjoying them after a while)

i’ve still got the Sertraline to hand as a back up, if things take a turn for the worse again i may give them another go. i mentioned to the doctor that i’d stopped them due to side effects but was feeling better without them, she suggested if i do need them in future to try taking half doses so that could be a goer. keeping them aside for now though.

long post, sorry, wanted to post a little update for a while

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