Feeling really lonely and depressed and my Pharmacy didn’t recieve my ADHD medication today so I’m now sat here with none - the last thing I need is amphetamine withdrawal right now
You feeling any better this evening duck?
Sorry I got into an argument with you about Dragon Quest yesterday, I was probably being needlessly grumpy.
Oh I didnt get angry about that - dont worry
I am stuck again in the perpetual unbearable moment. there is nothing that could/would happen that can make it stop.
and as I long now only for an end, I don’t think of last words, any final emotional missive. I cannot conceive of anything worth saying. I just want tbe pain and misery to be over.
I won’t do it, my fear wouldn’t let me. I don’t know how to carry though, either.
Nope, it’s all got too much for me now. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing in life and I eternally want everything to be comfortable and nice and I have no fucking ambition so I let life trample over me and there’s a pandemic on and I can’t see any of my friends of figure out what the hell I’m supposed to be doing and just, nah.
Yeah I’m really not doing very well
Oh love, what’s up?
I know life can feel very overwhelming at the moment and you do have to take it day by day, especially with what’s going on right now.
What can you do today to give yourself a bit of breathing room? A walk? I find writing it down on paper helps sometimes
I’m supposed to be back at work today (now, actually) but I’ve explained I am available from home at the moment… I’m also supposed to have an appraisal today.
All the work stuff recently coupled with everything else going on in the world rn has really gotten to me, I was staying pretty strong and I thought having time off would help but apparently it’s made things worse?
Probably having a bit of time off might be making you dread going back into somewhere that’s negatively affecting you, which is completely normal. I’m sure many people are in the same position and it’s made 10 x harder without anything to look forward to in order to unwind
Could you speak with someone at work to say you’re feeling a but under stress or need a bit of WFH time to recuperate before you get back on track? That way you can take some time to rest and get yourself feeling in a better place before you head back into the new year of work.
part of the problem is that there isn’t really enough work to go around atm so I’m on part-time furlough, but it’s also self-confidence/esteem issues and not feeling like I have anyone to talk to really (I’ve tried and it got me nowhere)
I served with this guy in the Army. He was such a lovely man. Please keep an eye out for him if you are in that area of the UK please…
I’ve just emailed work about my mental health.
We had been down to 3 people covering 6 people’s work during furlough. Then back up to 4 doing 4 day weeks.
But I’ve been so busy I’m knackered and last week they took us of furlough due to the workload.
My cat also died this morning, and I’m not sure I can face a 5 day week, just sat at the pc in my bedroom.
I also just realised apart from a week off in August my last week off was September 2019.
I need a break, or at least every Wednesday off the split the week up a bit.
Fucked up pretty badly last night, after an evening of not eating because she didn’t want to waste time on a meal my partner decided we should get a takeaway at about 11, which came at about midnight. She ordered it, it was massive, and she told me to bring it in so we could pick at it. I did but I didn’t decant it into smaller dishes and she started having a go at me. I went to try and fix that and then she got angry that I hadn’t warmed her plate, and then I got annoyed and was shitty, like unnecessarily so. This has resulted in a whole night and day of neither of us eating (our kid is fed, don’t worry) and her throwing her phone at me, some scissors, breaking a candle and demanding a divorce, but she doesn’t want to leave me with our kid because I’m not responsible enough, but she doesn’t want to be a single parent either. It’s my fault, I fucked up and was thoughtless, but I just don’t know what to do.
i think maybe she’s right, maybe I’m the one who’s abusive here by being so neglectful and shit. I just don’t know what to do.
no, mate, you’re not abusive because you didn’t decant a takeaway into smaller dishes or warm her plate. that is not neglect in the slightest. don’t doubt yourself x
I would agree with that assessment
ha sorry, my browser window went weird and posted when i was trying to select an emoji
That’s okay, it made me laugh which I needed!
She’s got so many examples of how I’m shit and pathetic though, and I can’t help but agree with her because she’s right, I can’t meet her needs or respond appropriately sometimes, and I think maybe I’ve been shining myself on about being a decent person because I’m actually just a piece of shit
This is how abusive relationships work, the abuser makes you feel that you’re at fault for everything and erodes your self esteem. If she wasn’t making you feel like a piece of shit she wouldn’t be able to keep you there so she can push you around. Not warming a fucking plate? No you aren’t at fault for that. She can perfectly well warm her own bloody plate!
Have you spoken to a counsellor or anything like that about this?
In fairness she was working during the dinner setup thing. I know she likes her plates warmed, I forgot to do it. I can’t speak to a counsellor, if I go anywhere outside of myself in a way that she can see it will not go well. She’s already spent a large chunk of today threatening suicide, self-harm, telling me she hates me. I can’t go to anyone about this because she’ll call me pathetic, say I’m escalating things, accuse me of trying to separate her from her daughter.