New office: advice needed

Moving into some brand-spanking new offices next Monday. We had a visit yesterday and (amazingly) it looks virtually ready for us to move into.
Our desks are already allocated but, is there anything I should do to make sure I don’t get short-changed? Any practical tips on things I should do to ensure the move goes to my advantage?

Put a towel on the chair you want.

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Mark your preferred territory with your scent. And by scent I mean go to the toilet. And by go to the toilet I mean do a massive cable on your new desk.

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Typical englisch scum. Do that and blame another nationality for it and then make jokes about to hide your own shame and inadequacy

is there anything you can do if your desk has been allocated? We’re moving office in May which is quite exciting. I really want a desk next to a window, and hopefully a windowsill for a plant

Tell the office chump that he’s got to work in the kitchen. Genuinely might actually fucking do it!

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probably get one of those ridicu-… etc etc


On the first day, just walk up to the biggest guy there and smack him square in the face. No one will fuck with you after that…


*Smash the biggest desk in with your fists/head

I have a window seat
’#’ kissmyface

I am the biggest guy here

At least we don’t turn to the Occult when we’re losing a war.

Mate - got the same thing. I used the fact that I’m quite hard of hearing on the left side to determine that I got the cushy one right at the back with back to the wall and a window.

Felt a bit low but I’m getting a boss desk out of it.

prepare to be attacked

My advice still stands…