No England vs. India cricket thread?


#341

Basic premise of being an all-rounder:

OK chunky this a ball, off you go.
RARGH MUST THROW AT MAN HEAD!

OK chunky this is a bat, off you go.
RARGH MUST HIT RED THING WITH STICK!


#342

plus constant need to be centre of attention.

fred did it in quite a likeable way tho.


#343

@Epimer if he hurt someone badly then how come he’s getting done for affray rather than assault?


#344

DoJ budget cuts. “Affray” uses less ink on the summons.


#345

Oh Freddie’s not in the same class as the other two, but he was a bit of a twat let’s face it (The Pedalo Incident, jesus). More of a manchild than anything perhaps.

Lest we forget he finished the canonical Ashes series of 2005 as England’s highest wicket taker and 3rd highest run scorer. Brilliance and nothing less.


#346

yeah agreed. He’s just a harmless idiot. Got a soft spot for Fred. We can chuck Boycott in though. Not an all rounder but a thoroughly unpleasant man by all accounts.


#347

But Pietersen was ten times a bigger knobhead, but ten times less a bowler.


#348

yeah fred’s the naughty dog who shits on the rug and gets into the bins

stokes is the sort that bites

botham is the sort who is lazily racist & accidentally uploads dick pics to Twitter


#349

This is very true. I’m just spotting a pattern here. Pietersen isn’t representative of English middle order batsmen who tilt towards being Really Nice Guys. Like Ian Ronald Bell, and Jonny Bairstow


#350

How come Hales didn’t get charged? Isn’t it generally accepted that he threw some punches too?


#351

generally accepted =/= CPS think they can prove beyond reasonable doubt. If there’s no CCTV they won’t think they can win the case I’d guess


#352

Christ just reading up on some of this. They’re all lying through their teeth aren’t they!


#353

Looooong time since i’ve looked at English criminal law. Best person who will defo know this is @bornin69x


#354

ah don’t worry. Just make something up, he’s going down for life yeah ?!


#355

Also the judiciary aren’t perfect. Not sure how it works in England, but in Scotland most things are tried by a sheriff. IN our local court, there is one particular sheriff who is known as a Rottweiler and especially hates a certain aggravated type of an offence, so defence lawyers will totally GROAN if they discover their client has been assigned this sheriff if it’s an offence of this type. These foibles do unfortunately exist and sometimes a sheriff having a bad day will jail some wee ned that would otherwise have walked away with a payback order and an ankle tag.


#356

HANG THE BASTURT.


#357


#358

“No Stokesy”


#359

What’s wrong with flintoff?

Got a lot of time for him being so open about the alcoholism and bulimia. Not sure I’d toally get on with his sense of humour etc down the pub, but from what I’ve seen/read there’s a world of difference between him and botham, and nowhere near Stokes.

(edit) just seen the follow ups, never mind!


#360

I’d say it’s unlikely but not impossible. The maximum sentence for Affray is 3 years but the most common sentence would probably be somewhere between a community order and short (say 9 months) prison sentence. So far as I know Stokes does not have any previous convictions (unless you include the gratuitous assault on that locker in the West Indies). From what I’ve seen it was quite a serious incident but he doesn’t seem to have started the violence (although he certainly ended it) and that is a significant factor. I’d say a community order would be most likely but you certainly couldn’t rule out custody.