#160

would be nice if it was down to friends and family to decide if they wanted to celebrate people as a couple rather than the couple themselves.

#161

This happens every wedding thread, it’s a sneaky hot button topic.

1 Like
#162

here’s some alternatives to weddings (not marriage) from my head:

. every year all your friends get one vote on who the best couple they know is and whoever gets the most gets celebrated and the rest have a little cry - bit risky this one might not work.

. just send out cards on a “couples that are lovely” day like a reverse valentines or something.

#163

Quite

But in general DiS has a lot of #onions when it comes to ettiquette - especially when it involves trying to please parents, friends & partners (&colleagues) whose values differ greatly

#164

Several wedding issues would be resolved if people just did away with this day/evening guest distinction. Invite people to the whole gig or not at all. Done.

#165

Bringing an extra person.

People honk on about people not turning up = COSTING LOADS OF MONEY but each person who doesn’t turn up costs you an absolutely miniscule % of your wedding budget so… just chin it off as the risk you take.

Obviously not turning up without advance notice is pretty rude and should never be done, mind.

2 Likes
#166

as someone who’s been to more than one wedding as a +1 who knows no one but their other half recently, I can confirm I would rather not have been invited.

1 Like
#167

It’s not just a cost thing when people don’t turn up at the last minute though. It’s more a matter of ‘oh, we thought enough of you to invite you, and then you just fucked it off’. Could have invited someone else, or spent less cocking money, etc.

At our wedding we had a hog roast so cost per head wasn’t really an issue. What we didn’t want was loads of people we didn’t even know at our wedding (as it is the best man and one of the ushers brought girls they’d been seeing for a few months, who we’d never met before and haven’t seen since, but are in loads of our photos).

Luckily she turned out to be awful and we’re not married any more, but you can see why people don’t want random folk at their big day.

#168

Yeah but if you cared enough about this ‘someone else’ you’d have invited them in the first place and made it work. Not a criticism of yourself but I think weddings would be better for all concerned if people went “who do we want to invite?” first and then sorted the venue based on those numbers rather than going “this is our venue, now who do we have to sack off to make it work?”

1 Like
#169

that really doesn’t seem like that much of a big deal to me, idk. and your last paragraph there really highlights the silliness of looking for complete perfection in every aspect of a wedding

#170

We didn’t have a limit, we just picked our best friends. Was using it as an example – I don’t think there’s anyone we didn’t invite who we wanted to.

I went to a wedding last year and a few people just sent a text on the morning to say they weren’t coming. That’s pretty shitty, especially as that’s when everyone’s getting ready, bride’s excited, etc.

edit: why the fuck did I write that?

#171

Certainly made not spending much money that bit sweeter.

#172

yeah i’ve never been on the end of a ‘non-invite’ that i was bothered about but i’ve a feeling i will be one day and i imagine it stings.

#173

Agreed but… this is what people do. Your wedding is not immune from people cancelling on it, just like every other social event.

#174

Also pretty hard to judge until you’re in the position of trying to organise a wedding on a budget of about £3k. Everything is expensive.

#175

Problem is I knew they wouldn’t come, they just kept saying they were going then cancelled in the shittiest possible way.

#176

Yep - sure is. Weddings are expensive.

#177

Really depends on the couple tbh. I think if I got married (I wouldn’t, but if I just threw a big party in a venue celebrating a relationship or so forth) I’d want just my close friends so we could go a bit wild. Other folk might be more-the-merrier.

#178

brilliant idea that i may try to instate among my friends

#179

eventually guilt and sense of obligation will mean everyone will get a turn to feel special :slight_smile: