Ongoing office scandals

We can get a packed lunch sent over from the canteen if we sign up for it in the morning. You can specify if you want a chocolate bar or crisps or a piece of fruit, but not which ones. However, they’re not all the same - sometimes the chocolate might be a Penguin, sometimes it’s a delicious Tunnock’s Caramel Wafer. Some of the apples will be Granny Smith, others will actually be edible. You get the picture.

They all get delivered together to the office kitchen. Here’s the scandal: the people who see the delivery happen have apparently been heading straight to the kitchen after the delivery and swapping packed lunch items around so they get the best ones!

I’ve got a packed lunch today. If I catch any of those cunts trying to do me out of a Tunnock’s Caramel Wafer I will NOT be held responsible for my actions.

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someone i liked has disappeared :frowning:

Maybe they were caught interfering with the wrong person’s Tunnock’s Caramel Wafer.

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None here
No no no no no…

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why they making packed lunches for you like you’re a baby?*
*where is my fucking packed lunch

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Because we get free canteen lunches and these are for days where you’re far, far too busy and important* to take the time out for a sit down meal.

*cannot face any more chat about Strictly and/or Bake Off

Actually, to be fair to them it does seem like a proper full-blown long term affair. They’ve kept it up for nearly three years.

‘full-blown’
‘kept it up’

Phnaar etc etc

We get fruit baskets delivered every Tuesday (Tutti Frutti Tuesday). One basket per floor. 3 Floors.

We used to leave out basket in the kitchen but then we found people coming from another floor would be stealing all the good fruit, leaving us with just shitty apples or a rock hard pear.

We now have to bring the basket into the office floor and protect it with our lives.

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Scandal of yesterday:

We have just bins dotted about the floor, one recycling and one normal bin always next to each other.

Yesterday someone had put a brown paper bag in the regular bin, and it was facing bottom up revealing a PLEASE RECYCLE :recycle: sign. The GALL.

I asked around, couldn’t find out who it was. No one was owning up to it. Lazy fucking prick.

Fucking hell, I’d love to be involved in an office scandal at the moment.

Anything to liven stuff up.

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Let me live my life the way I want!!1

Also someone got escorted out by security a few weeks ago and dismissed on the spot and nobody knows why, but that doesn’t involve Tunnock’s Caramel Wafers so isn’t nearly as interesting.

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NOT UNDER MY WATCH

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They’re still going?

Did they have other partners too?

we don’t even have a proper bin.We have recycling bins and a food waste bin. wtf, like I’m supposed to walk around with stuff that doesn’t go in either of those.

was going to make a spinoff thread about sandals but cba

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sounds like an opportunity for fruit sabotage

My messenger bag is filled with sweet wrappers for the same reason.

Some cunt got arrested at the xmas party for spiking a drink.

He spiked it at the bar, barman clocked him and asked what it was. Cunt said “MDMA” as we walked off. Barman told security who found the cunt, took the drink off the girl and called the police.

Yep.
And yep - both married (to blokes) and (afaik) their partners are unaware of the ongoing shenanigans