#1093

Back in the day I think I basically messed up dating at more or less every stage. Amazed I didn’t trip over and accidentally body slam someone at some point.

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#1094

my chat on these things is so dreary it’s unreal (shocker)

though most people don’t really seem interested and don’t really ask me any questions, not sure if that’s makes my desperate flailing around trying to say something remotely interesting more or less pathetic tbh

#1095

I just bail on the ones who answer questions but don’t ask them back. Life’s too short for that

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#1096

yeah that’s probably wise.

#1097

so I met up with a match impromptu style last night, had a nice time, walked home, popped into my local for a cheeky half and just after in there walks a girl I had matched on bumble yesterday. She was in a big group and I wasn’t sure whether to say anything or not, I didn’t in this end, but we made eye contact before she left.

Woke up today, unmatched. lol.

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#1098

I’ve had this happen - think it’s best to just pretend it didn’t happen

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#1099

yeah I mean considering a couple of recent events I can take this one on the chin and laugh about it but jesus lord THIS IS SUCH A MINEFIELD WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME IT’S NOT EXACTLY GREAT FOR MENTAL HEALTH

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#1100

Also bumbles got a 24hr limit so she probably just forgot to log in

(But yeah being unmatched is utterly brutal, 9/10 would unmatch me asap and it made me feel awful)

#1101

nah, there was enough time, it would have expired this afternoon or something

#1102

It can be a total headfuck. Think it’s good to be able to recognise what’s happening and step away for a bit if you can

It’s a bit like a gambler chasing their loses - feelings of rejection/ poor self image are massively amplified when online dating. The wise thing to do is to take a break and build yourself back for a bit, but it’s so easy to keep swiping searching for some ego boost/ validation to make yourself feel better

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#1103

One friend of mine tried online dating and gave up because she took every “rejection” too personally. Her mental health suffered. That was four years ago. Three years and eleven months ago she met a man at a party and they’ve been living together for the past two years.

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#1104

right? it’s kind of weirdly addictive.

Like there’s a girl I’m having to really hold back from now after a couple of weeks of really good chat I asked if she wanted to meet up and she called me out for being pushy and I explained it’s my anxiety and now the veil has slipped and she’s not talking and ffs. Hopefully, given I felt we’ve had a pretty good connection, if I give it time there might still be something there but christ.

That and the Norwegian girl I completely fucked it up with last week has been really bothering me these past few days

#1105

I know, I know. I mean thankfully (I guess) because I have some awareness of my mental health I’m also aware that rejection can really get to me so I’m really trying to take it as it comes and get better each time. But also fully aware the likelihood of this or something totally random or even someone you already know is all pretty equally long odds

#1106

you asked her out and she said that was pushy? Not sure that’s fair unless she said no/ not sure and then you pushed

I’m sure I’ve said this before on here, and I’m sure their are exceptions, but in my experience (and I’ve been doing this on and off for a fair while) - there is no harm in asking someone out after a few messages, Extended chats with no dates are a very bad sign IMO - it indicates you are talking to someone who is not really ready to date, Face to face meeting is all that matters.

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#1107

nah, the pushy bit was that I followed it up with “no worries if you can’t/don’t want to” or something along those lines. By her own admission though from what’s she’s told me she has a very high defensive mechanism, but when that’s not happening we’ve seemingly being getting on really well (though obviously won’t be fully representative of irl), just seems a shame to waste that but I think/hope the answer here is to just chill out for a couple days? Idk.

#1108

your follow up sounds fine and non pushy to me.

I’d just leave it to her to get in touch again if she doesn’t want to - try not to sweat it though. Everyone brings their own issues and insecurities to dating. I’ve not wanted to see people again for all kinds of reasons that are not really a slight on them at all (for example one girl reminded me too much of an ex. Not her fault but would have been odd for me). If you remember this I think it makes the inevitable rejection a bit easier to take less personally

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#1109

It made me hate the internet briefly because I think it’s partly just the way she read it and got annoyed that it seemed like I was demanding an answer or something, idk. It just seems a shame to lose it over a relatively small thing, if that’s what happens, I feel like we have earned at least a meet up and see how it goes…

but yes I know, everyone’s fucked, thats ok. :wink:

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#1110

I was of the opinion that I expected rejection, maybe even deserved it. Who’d want me? But I also figured that there was surely at least one person out there amongst the billions on the planet. And the only way for that one weird individual to find me was for me to get out in the world. And there’s no reason for it not to include online dating sites. But then I met Clive in a bar in Dalston…

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#1111

think you’ve got the opening paragraph of your autobiographical novel here

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#1112

Fixed That For… Me.

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