#42

yeah, monogomy is pretty much patriarchy by another name

1 Like
#43

Personally, I’m open to a polyamourous sexual relationship if that’s how it’s defined at the beginning of a relationship. I can’t imagine being open to a polyamourous emotional relationship or a monogous relationship that becomes open and then changes. I find it strange that these differences aren’t defined more often.
I think it’d be healthier to be generally consistanty more open but there may be a level of jealously within me that’s inherent.

#44

what’s an open relationship as described above tho, where a man gets bare top while the woman goes along with it out of a sense of emotional attachment? i mean if the last year has confirmed nothing else, it’s that a lot of men are happy to dive into wokeness if it serves as a nice cover for how shitty they are. there is nothing men, as a demographic, won’t turn into a power trip if given half a chance.

3 Likes
#45

i suppose this is more a question of how well you can know what someone else is actually happy with, though.

#46

Monogamy is much easier for me. And I don’t just mean easier for just me practicing it, it’s easier for me if everybody’s at it. For example “I’m meeting Becky and her husband for drinks” is fine, but “I’m meeting Becky and her harem of 9 for drinks” is fucking exhausting, as if I can be doing with owt like that.

#47

You need to be aware of any power imbalance and when people may say one thing but not really mean it and any influence you have over them 
 but at some point you’ve got to just listen to what they’re saying and trust that it reflects their true feelings. Otherwise it’s just robbing them of their agency.

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#48

not sure I get you

I’m not advocating any non-consensual anything, but the idea that 2 (or 3 or 25) consensual adults would inhibit their love/pleasure/curiosity at any given moment because they require some vested 3rd party consent (whether partner/parent/preacher/god) is pretty fucked up don’t you think?

All that moral stuff about faithfulness, devotion, temptation & blessing is so wrapped up these days in the capitalist individualist model but is of course rooted in the power of the church, the organisation of goods & possessions etc - patriarchal ownership

besides, monogomy is one of the consensual options under polygamy too - any consensual option is fine under polygamy whereas monogomy is, by definition, exclusive

I don’t think monogamous relationships are any more stable in & of themselves - I think society is simply at a historical point where so many institutions are built for monogamous (usually heteronormative) relationships that the ‘deviation’ from the norm is percieved as risky & fraught with danger

but let’s not forget that the ‘popularity’ of divorce is only a generation or two old - these things move along and as @FunkyBadger

I agree, & the sooner these kind of life choices (and tons more besides) are free from societies contraints & expectations the sooner people will be free to consent to & choose what they really want & thus the fewer & less often people will find themselves on the wrong end of a power/abuse relationship

imho

11 Likes
#49

CWBAFT

#50

destroy capital liberate gender

Sorry I mean I think among the less controversial things Firestone theorized was that it’s hard to determine the exact nature of consent under a system that perpetuates inequality. As mentioned above at some point you have to believe someones level of comfort with a situation is being accurately expressed (and continue to work towards the removal of boundaries to equality).

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#51

I’ve never seen it work out, Clive.

#52

How about asking them?

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#53

I agree with all that.

You’re arguing a point I didn’t make. I was asking, I guess, how open relationships are automatically non-patriarchal, which seems to be the implication of “monogamy is patriarchy”. Men are adept at turning literally everything into a patriarchal system of control, and an especially shitty strain of man is getting better at it as they learn how to camouflage themselves in the language and appearance of wokeness. My point was that “monogamy is patriarchy” sounds really clever until you realize any form human relationships take is only as progressive as the people in those relationships choose to make them. I’ve seen situations similar to the one described by zygote play out before, where


[EDIT] Ah, fuck it. It’s Christmas. I’ve already established I’ve got no problem with ORs as long as everyone is on board and nobody is being taken advantage of or emotionally fuck over. I’ve seen enough of these kinds of threads to detect when the pile-on is beginning. :v:

#55

Rarely work, and with good reason, the level of emotional maturity it takes to make them work is well beyond the comprehension of the average bedwetter.

#56

As long as both parties are fine with this arrangement, and genuinely fine with it, then there is literally no harm in it.

#57

Obviously this also applies to everyone they see in their open relationship. But people can be needy and if someone starts spending more time with one than the other and isn’t able to be there when emotionally needed then it’ll likely lead to problems. But if they have the personality to execute it then more power to them.

#58

Been in one for several years and works for us but yeah, as said above it takes quite a lot of emotional maturity and communication is absolutely vital. Although my situation has nothing to do dating, I can’t imagine anything worse than dating ever again eurgh.

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#59

I just don’t know how people have the time.
I can barely make time for one boyfriend without feeling like I have no time for myself.

So for me: can’t be arsed.

Other people: knock yourself out, live your best life, yolo etc

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#60

Exactly this. No knocking those that want to, but who has the time!

#61

I’m all for them. Takes a lot of open and honest discussion, but that’s something that relationships should have anyway.

A huge proportion of monogamous relationships fail because someone cheated, and I think that’s such a shame. It’s natural and biological to want to put it about.

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#64

Why? Do you think people should be okay with folk using their power in a relationship to coerce someone into doing something they don’t want to do?

Because, and I am assuming here, that’s why people say such a thing.