Paranoia paranoia everybody's coming to get me

I have a bit of a funny run owing to dodgy old ligaments and am sometimes convinced when I’m out for a jog that the looks/smiles I get are people mocking me.

Now you

I think you lot are all some sort of algorithm set up to distract me and stop me reaching my potential (dominator of Earth).

Wondered why I made this thread and I’m pretty sure it was Xylo’s comment about cat bowl paranoia

i have tape over my webcam coz the FBI are watching me… playing zelda

When people glance at me, or smile at me, I’m relieved when I look in the mirror afterwards and see a bogie or ink smudge or something, because then it means that they weren’t just noticing how hideous my face is.

I think you have a nice kind face

Have you considered tattooing a bogey on your face? Or blinding the entire populace?

You’ve noticed my face?

Oh god, now I just want to hide forever.

If I hear people laughing and I don’t know what they’re laughing about I become convinced they’re laughing at me.

If I hear a phone camera make that snappy sound I think someone’s just taken a photo of me. Think it’s because some ladz on a train in front of me once took photos of me between the seats to be pricks so now I think everyone’s doing it when they’re probably just taking selfies.

I assume this is universal as I do this too.

Sorry about the Ladz for putting that doubt in your head. Men are the literal worst most of the time


Tbf I think it’s also from seeing people post photos of other people on social media for whatever reason, it’s made me think people might be taking photos of me cos I’m doing something weird anxiety’s fun isn’t it

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Also if people are whispering.

The issue’s not whether you’re paranoid, the issue is whether you’re paranoid enough.

jus coz yr paranoid dusn’t mean they aint listenin lol

Sure I’m paranoid

but am I paranoid enough???!!!?!?!

That thing with Google listening to us while we are using our phones, computers etc is definitely true.

Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you

When I wear my gym clothes, I am 100% certain everyone is looking at my camel toe.

Once after about a week or so without sleep started to believe that everything bad that had ever happened to anyone I know was a result of some negative psychic energy I was projecting

Don’t forget that paranoia is irrational.

Have a habit of being convinced that all the neighbours (we live in a building with 7 other flats, before that one with 3 others) are all really great mates and have parties and secret meetings etc without including us.