Hello people…I was wondering your experiences with your parents getting older and how you deal with it? I moved to London from Wales years ago and now in my early 30s. My mum had breast cancer three years ago and looks like it may have come back. I’m always worried sick about her and she lives alone. For those of you who have moved away with parents getting older, do you feel any guilt? Part of me feels like I should go back and become her carer but from a selfish view, I made London my home years ago and my career is doing well & don’t want to leave. But I feel torn. Have any of you felt like this? I know one person who has moved back to look after his mum who has dementia and he’s overwhelmed and unhappy.
My mum and I are in different parts of London, but in a similar situation and I feel a little guilt.
She refused to have a carer though (“I don’t want a stranger in my place!”) but she is in sheltered housing, so I know she’s not lonely as she tell me about everyone who lives there and what they get up to. My siblings and I usually see her at the weekend and I’ll call her a couple of times a week.
When she goes for treatments, if it’s in the middle of the day she usually takes her best mate along. Again, my siblings and I will go when we can.
Otherwise she has discovered the joy of Tesco deliveries for when she can’t get out.
Yes. I lived 400 miles away for a long time, and a big part of my decision to move home was made by the fact that my parents were ageing and I felt I needed to be nearer. There were other factors involved and I might not have made the decision as soon if I hadn’t been willing to move home anyway.
Hasn’t got to the stage about thinking about carers, and they are determined they’ll die before they get to that stage anyway
really sorry for your situation and I hope your mum gets great treatment and has a full recovery soon
quit my job when my mum had a mental health crisis ostensibly in order to help care for her, not sure it was a great decision for me personally but the whole thing was destroying me so I didn’t feel like I had any other choice. Really important to try not to blame yourself whatever you choose though
Yeah that’s kinda what I did, but also wanted to do a masters too. Had no career to speak of in London and still go back all the time for band stuff and to see pals so it’s not too different even. I’d say try and make it for you as much as for her though which is hard.
Thanks for your replies. The past three weeks have felt like hell on earth. My mum was rushed in to hospital and it turns out that the scans didn’t pick up on a cancerous tumor on her spine and has now been diagnosed with bone cancer that has spread. I’ve been in Wales three weeks in hospital every day but I have to go back to London because I’ve missed out on a lot of work. I’ve just comeback from hospital and because my mum is so drugged up, she wasn’t very nice to me. Which is a gut wrenching feeling.
Whenever you feel an instinct that something might be wrong go with it…I think as human beings we are pretty intuitive.
Anyway, I’m off for a Port that’s been left in my mum’s cupboard for I don’t know how long.
Fucking hell mits, so sorry to hear this. You know where we all are if you need anything
really sorry you are in this situation, much love and support to you and your family
So sorry to hear that, lots of love and thinking of you and your family, it’s such a terrible time, just take care of yourself xx
Thanks for your replies…i am not looking for attention or anything really, just really needing an outlet. I have been staying in my mum’s house on my own and it’s not been easy. I feel very alone.
In other news I lost my screw in my one arm thingy on my glasses so had to go to the hospital with sellotape holding my glasses up…I hope i start a new trend, although I think Morrissey beat me to it.
I’ve spent all of Christmas sleeping on the floor next to my mum’s bed after she took a turn for the worse and has renal failure. All drips and meds have stopped so I’ve been by her side holding her hand not knowing if she even knows I’m there.
Really sorry to hear this. I hope they’re able to make her comfortable and that both you and her find peace at this really difficult time. Look after yourself and I hope you have people around you who can help and support.
Thank you. I’ve only just seen this. Been a bit of a mess. But appreciate strangers messages of support.More than any family I have left.