parents needing/wanting to move/be moved from their current place of residence

Might ask you about that at some point if that’s ok.

of course. allegedly alexa is about to be changed so that will be, by far, the easiest solution, but there are always convoluted ways! :slight_smile:


Late to this thread but one thing to sort out now is power of attorney. Apols if this is teaching you to suck eggs, but if not then you can seek power of attorney for either health and welfare, or finance, or both. Neither will kick in until such time as your mum is deemed to lack capacity but it can be very helpful in the long term as such changes can be sudden. Also, if she hasn’t got a will sorted then that’s something to think about while she is well in herself.

Council help is v v v hard to secure partly because of inflated thresholds and partly because of a severe lack of carers and support services. But occupational therapy support as mentioned is usually more readily available.

I’m not a social worker but have a fair bit of professional experience in this area so may be able to answer some questions if you have any. It can be an expensive business so getting to grips with her financial situation may be useful too so you can plan what support might be obtainable within her means.

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I too have the only-child fear. It stresses me out to ludicrous degrees, I have to say.

Feel this thread very much while having absolutely no good advice or answers. Reading it is just leaning over into an abyss really (no one’s fault in this thread or xylo’s for starting it obviously, just trying to express how it feels).

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One thing the council would likely help with (at a cost) is a telecare system. Usually it’s a button, or a falls pendant if the person is prone to falling. Press the button and through to an on-call service that can either assess verbally and arrange for either staff to go out to get the person back up again, or an ambulance if required. Might find that more reliable (and her more likely to use) than waiting for a stretched ambulance service, especially if she’s somewhere rural.

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The only other note of caution I would sound is that you should only offer as much support as you are willing/able to deliver long term. Social services will look to families first to provide care and you will need to be pretty firm, persistent and sometimes downright belligerent to get them to look elsewhere for support if you are not in a position to do it yourself. There’s a separate moral argument to be had about whether children should be expected to step in to provide care and support for aging parents, but the expectation is definitely there, even though the guidance is clear that unpaid carers cannot be compelled to provide care which the person is eligible for from the state.

And if there is a house to be sold be mindful that the value of that may be taken into account many years down the line if your parent needs care. It’s always worth seeking legal/financial advice before making any big moves that may potentially affect a person’s contribution towards the cost of their care.


thanks for this, this is very helpful perspective and i might well say hallo about this in future to see what you think about potential suggested ideas too, if thats okay!

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Of course! AgeUK have some really helpful fact sheets as a starting point but just shout if you’ve any questions. If I don’t know I should be able to find out who will!

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Okay, major positive steps

With a little encouragement mum has visited over the last couple days. Drove her round the area and showed her some flats that

  • she could afford if she sold the family home and
  • had a second bedroom in the event that she’d one day need a live-in carer of any kind etc or
  • are part of a retirement village style setup that has very good reputation in the area

Many of those are a literal walk from our flat, and are really nice. One of the benefits of living in zone 4 is that it’s not as expensive to find that kind of property.

So it went really well. They’re all very close to eg cinema, swimming pool, library also, and Eltham has its own U3A, so there’s a real sense that she could make a non-sedentary life for herself.

She has even asked if I can come in a couple of weeks to clear out the attic and garage for her, so it feels like her mind is now focussed on getting this all moving. It’s a ginormous relief.


That’s great news. Good on her for embracing the change.


Great to hear, man. This sounds incredibly good and positive and hopefully the momentum is there now.

(I am also selfishly looking forward to you posting curios from that clearout).

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