People who need to be in a relationship


#1

Are you one of those people who needs to be in a relationship to find fulfilment or do you know anyone who is like that?

I only ask because a friend of mine is like that. After being single for 3 years, she’s recently met someone but for the last 3 years, when we’ve touched upon the subject of relationships, she’s adamant that she’d been “left on the shelf” or it’s the fact that “men don’t like the way I look”. Really insecure stuff, I think. And her need to constantly be partaking in activities to take her mind off the fact that she’s single. I just don’t get that. I can’t imagine being like that.

Is this a girl thing, do you think? Or is this need to be in relationship equal among men and women?

Do you know anyone like this? Are you like this?


#2

Christ.


#3

lots of people are like this both male and female

thanks


#4

I’d probably find it hard being single again if i broke up with my gf. easy to tell people that they should be happy on their own but loads of aspects of society are geared towards couples and being in a healthy relationship is kind of a privilege


#5

I think being ‘left on the shelf’ is more of a concern for women. There are lots of negative stereotypes about older single women that don’t really exist for men, plus a lot of pressure about our ‘biological clocks’. So if this is “a girl thing”, it’s hardly surprising


#6

I’m as much of a miser when in a relationship as not.

Cheers.


#7

Yeah, I know. Generalisations and all that. Still, gender-wise my friends are pretty much 50/50 split and I do find that my female friends place more emphasis on being in relationships.

I can only go on my own subjective experience.


#8

People who need to be in a relationship generally are, or go from one to another. I don’t think a woman whose been single for three years needs to be in one, sorry


#9

Aw, I thought this was going to be us lot 'shipping famous people.


#10

Yeah, I have friends in their early 30s who’ve never been single for more than like, 4-5 months at a time ever since they started dating as teenagers. I don’t know how someone could live like that, but the feeling is definitely mutual.


#11

Yeah, I don’t really get someone who wasn’t in a relationship for 3 years being an example of someone who needs to be in a relationship…


#12

I guess they could be an example of someone who doesn’t (believe they can) feel fulfilled etc. without a successful relationship though.


#13

being single is kind of rubbish but maybe it’s just life that’s rubbish.


#14

Yeah I’m only ever going to be not single when the person is absolutely awesome


#15

Yeah one person I know for sure is like that, I do know others who have jumped from one long term relationship straight to another but in some of these instances it could be coincidence.

The guy I knew who did that was a real mess in that month or so he was single. He had been with his girlfriend for 6 years and it ended pretty horribly so it’s to be expected but it felt a bit different than other friends or indeed my own behaviour having come out of a relationship. He is normally so calm and self assured and together and he changed into this indecisive and quite dangerously impulsive person. Our friends and myself really rallied round him and tried to get him to appreciate being single for a sustained period the first time since he was about 15 but he wouldn’t listen, was on all the dating apps and getting out there every night wanting a girlfriend.

He did very quickly get a new girlfriend and went back to his old self and they’re infact married now and both incredibly happy together. So there ya go. I love being on my own, if anything I become more unsure of myself when I’m with someone and become withdrawn and insular. Perhaps that’s to do with me, perhaps that’s to do with them or a bit of both. I dunno. Maybe my next relationship will be different. Whatever happens happens.

My sister actually could be one too, she dated a boy from 14 to 20 then in a matter of weeks after that ended was dating her current boyfriend (she’s 30 now and they have a child together and are getting married next year). Again though that could be coincidence?

Ultimately I dunno how weird it is to be one way or the other when it comes to this. It feels like most would suggest having time being single as an adult and learning to appreciate your own company is a good thing but many can do this within a serious relationship too.


#16

community.teenvogue.co.uk


#17

Really?

You can be someone who places a lot of emphasis on being in a relationship regardless of how long you’ve been single.


#18

I’d quite like to be in a relationship, though I think overall I’m aware that whether you’re in a relationship or single doesn’t really impact (to a significant degree, anyway) on one’s life being good. Like if you’re in a really good relationship, then that’d be great for reasons that aren’t related to just the fact that you’re not single.

I only really have experience of the being massively single, though. And I happen to not be in that rubbish a mood about it or about stuff in general, so expect a post with all the sentiments completely and foolishly reversed at some point, maybe?


#19

I think once you fall in love properly you’re kinda doomed to always chase that feeling. I could never relate to people who are always in and out of relationships but I had my heartbroken for the first time at the age of 30 and it’s changed me alot.


#20

I’ve had a hard life, emotionally. I always had a lot of affection in me growing up. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, too. I come from a very loving family, just one that happens to have a dysfunctionality in how me and my close relatives have all struggled with our mental health.

things I’ve been through in my own life and with them have made it very hard for me to function let alone be the best me. I find it very hard to be open to people or things. I’ve found that it’s incredibly hard to overcome those insecurities without feeling loved and desired. which… hasn’t been a common thing for me, sadly.

when I have felt like I’ve had that kind of close companion, I’ve started to blossom. I need someone to believe in. I’m starting to believe in myself more, but I’m not there yet. the kind of trauma I’ve been through takes a while to heal.

that might sound like dependence, but I feel like having somebody special lightens me. even if I’m still kind of reliant on that, I don’t think I’m a burden now.