#26

Bingo

1 Like
#27

Hi CG.

#29

in some ways i reckon i’d be better off not in one - but i wouldn’t mind the odd 4-weeker every now and again

#30

like it’s kind of a nightmare imagining how much a real, proper relationship would eat into my daily music-listening

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#31

There’s a difference between being “not in a relationship” and alone though, I think most people would feel that social interaction of some kind is important, whether through friends/family or whatever. I don’t think anyone is saying that you should be fine with solely your own company, Cast Away-style.

I think it works both ways - a lot of single people won’t like being told that they’re somehow not living a complete life because they’re not in a relationship, and a lot of people in relationships wouldn’t like being told that they’re not capable of independence or something like that. I suppose everyone’s got a varying level of comfort with it.

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#33

This is very true. In a way I suppose it’s kind of a shame that socially that a specific kind of intimacy is kind of relegated to just monogamous relationships, bc you get people wanting / or feeling the need to be in a monogamous relationship who might otherwise not want to be?

Not entirely sure where I’m going with that; I quite like the idea of monogamy (from the perspective of someone with basically no experience of it) but, ya know, the way things are definitely kind of messes with peoples’ heads a bit, I think.

Or something like that.

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#34

Hm?

#35

I definitely want to fall in love again at some point, but to me that doesn’t mean chasing after a relationship at any given time. I’m not interested in being in a relationship just for the sake of it, you know? Whereas some of my friends, good people though they are, seem incapable of grasping the concept of living your life without being in a relationship.

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#36

Yeah, can’t believe how many people have such strong opinions about this sort of thing. It’s an incredibly personal thing and for others to just assume they somehow have all the right answers is so rude and inconsiderate. Bet you it’s the same kinds of people who’ll tell someone they’re definitely going to regret not having children etc.

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#37

Nah.

#38

Good thing I’m not the kinda person who needs to be in a relationship given I’ve been single for 15 years! Sometimes I wonder if it’s because I’m an only child, I am used to my own company.

I will say though that it IS a struggle, as a single person, to socialise/do cool stuff, especially when all your friends are in relationships. I get jealous when I think having a partner is like having ready-made company all the time.

I do know a few serial monogamists, though. A couple of them have caused me concern with their behaviour and inability to enjoy life on their own. And a few have settled for deeply unhappy relationships purely because they’d prefer it to being single :frowning:

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#40

That’s an interesting take upon it. I’m an only child, have been single for 2 years, and it doesn’t particularly bother me. I like my own company because, as you say, I’m used to it. In contrast, the friend who I’m referring to is also an only child, yet she hates her own company. She gets bored very easily in her own company, hence why she’s always desperate to be in a relationship when she’s single. I mean, I’m happy for her. I really hope this guy makes her happy. It’s just through her need to be in a relationship she’s gone out with some right crap guys over the years.

#41

I do sometimes worry that, on the extreme off-chance I was in a relationship, I’d never have time to myself for reading / making music / whatever.

Which is maybe a dumb thing to worry about. But I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship if it meant compromising totally on being able to have at least some time to myself.

Note to the reader: none of this is a euphemism for wanking

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#43

it’s not a dumb thing to worry about because many relationships do seem like this from the outside. it’s so weird to me, i understand in the initial/early stages of a relationship wanting to spend all your time with somebody but when people have been going out for years and they still live in each others pockets? not for me clive. i guess that’s ‘love’ though, i wouldn’t know about it

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#44

I remember when I was younger and in love and in a relationship and it was easily the most intense happiness I’ve ever felt.

Bit sad that I’ve probably aged out of having that kind of feeling now.

Still there’s good things about getting older like getting into board games and drinking coffee!

#45

It’s sad that we see ‘a relationship’ as a distinct category of social relations, imo. I mean sure, we’re all products of history, both ours and the world’s. But I think real happiness, free from a fear of loss, can be found in breaking down the boundaries between ‘relationships’ and ‘friendships’, and instituting a simpler idea of a sort of kinship that finds its level where need meets desire, and abandons our ‘obligations’ towards another as not just undesireable, but socially unnecessary.

I think a world like that is possible, but it needs people to actively work towards it with a selfless spirit, rather than anxiously hoard what they already have behind the borders of their relationships. Definitely not gonna claim to be that kind of person myself - it’s just an ubermensch-ian ideal that we can work towards through openness, self-reflexivity and a powerful desire to love.

Thanks for listening.

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#47

Can’t imagine ever being in a relationship. Haven’t met anyone in my adult life who I’ve felt comfortable to even to talk to without other people being around. Makes me feel uneasy thinking about the prospect of waking up next to someone etc.

#48

I like the idea of having someone to verbalize my unbelievably stupid 2am thoughts to

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#49

But the world is built on routine and some kind of stability

Say I had a partner who was upset but I didn’t really feel like consoling them at that time, because I was acting on instinct, what would happen then?

I guess I’m quite pessimistic in that I think essentially all human beings are self serving to some degree.

#50

is this like what relationship anarchy is?