Petty revenge stories

Let’s spice up this Monday, yeah?
I’m not one for screaming and shouting, if someone is an arse then I wait. Two examples to get it started;

  1. once found loads of strands of hair (that wasn’t mine) in my bed when I was with an ex. Didn’t say anything, just waited for a week. Now, I make really good chocolate chip cookies. Amazon sells chocolate laxatives. My ex worked night shifts, so I got home in the evening, made a batch, he popped in before he started to drop a change of clothes off, hey babes I made you these, no I won’t have any I’m on a diet, have fun at work :slight_smile:
  2. someone really close to me was with someone they worked with for eight months, they found out that for three of those months the other person had another girlfriend. Now, I’d seen reviews of these sugar free jelly beans (maybe posted on here?) that are apparently delicious but will well and truly give you the epimers. You know damn well I sent my friend the link after a fortnight had passed, she ordered them, got the office apprentice to give them to her ex and long story short he shat himself in his Mercedes that he has on finance.

Obviously I’m not condoning giving someone laxatives and these two examples were very bad of me but… funny innit. NOW YOU

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I don’t think I’ve got any stories for this thread, which is a bit annoying as I’ve got plenty of grudges and scores to settle.

I need to dedicate some time to revenge.

Ah mate I’m sorry. I’m sure I’ll think of something for you if you want though? Very good at this sort of thing

We have all been warned - cross kermit or her crew and sooner or later you will shit yourself.

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He didn’t play ‘freefallin’ so I shattered his kneecap

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If you ever release a sauce with the word ‘frog’ in the title, I’m giving it a wide berth.

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note to self. Do not piss off @kermitwormit

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Might put a recipe together for, “Sympathy for Muppet Vengeance” just in case she ever needs another laxative based revenge method.

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I have never had the balls to exact revenge tbh

fuck this is the next Muppet adaptation I need to see

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Two people at work who made my working life a misery for two years with no consequence.

I don’t have access to their food.

Whatcha got?

same, far too weak willed and always fear the retaliation.

I used to be a real fucker for petty revenge. Shared housing was not for me.

The only thing I’ll admit to is we managed to get rid of one particularly annoying arsehole and after he’d gone I burned one of his credit card statements.

Do you have their emails or phone numbers? There’s loads of sites where you can sign people up for junk emails or spam calls

Too lazy for revenge really. My sister was a bit of a dick about something a few years back so when I was down visiting I went to her house and took all the batteries out of their remote controls (TV, DVD player, stereo), that’s about as revengey as I get.

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You are too lovely for this world and now I feel like a monster
Would just like to say I’m not about ruining lives or anything, I just want to make a day or two very inconvenient

Alright one more. I was the only one in a house full of blokes who ever hoovered. In fact I bought a hoover (still have it). One time the girlfriend of one of my houseenemies used the hoover to hoover just the bit of hallway outside his room. But she didn’t put a bag in it. So when I found it I emptied the hoover outside his door. She got very cross about that.

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Not sure this qualifies as it was done mostly in jest rather than a need for revenge… I lived in a shared house with mates for a few years, one of them played a lot of football, he would take a few quid from his team to wash the kit occasionally at a launderette. But rather than use said launderette he would keep the cash and then use the communal washing machine and then spread football kit all over the house to dry. When he got married I told his best man who was another member of the football team. He put it in his best mans speech. Raised a few eyebrows and and a few boos. Very enjoyable speech.

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Oh I’m really not. I’ll just bitch and moan and bad mouth people all over town instead of any poo-based vengeance.

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It was around this time I got my name.

~colinfilth

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