Phrases that would be funny if they were taken literally

#1

“Can you chase them on that, please?” and then you run after them around the office.

Please think of better ones.

5 Likes
#2

you’ve been in close proximity to @Antpocalypsenow for too long mate

2 Likes
#3

Fucking tell me about it

2 Likes
#4

15

It’s fucking exhausting mate

6 Likes
#5

Wow Football Manager HQ seems like potty mouth central. Oh my.

5 Likes
#6

Some people like to take this literally. Not me though

#7

“You can’t have your cake and eat it”, and then person it’s directed to glumly pulls out a Victoria sponge from their pocket and hands it to the other person

#8

“A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”

SOLD! and then the guy hands over his bird and starts running towards the bush, naked.

2 Likes
#9

“You should try walking in my shoes for a while”

1 Like
#10

the police caught me but I got away with a slap on the wrist

#11

I did say “that’s a different kettle of fish” to my Turkish housemate once and he came back about 30 minutes later to ask what it meant. Presumably after googling kettles and fish

2 Likes
#12

Having cake is eating cake

1 Like
#13

“speak to you later” oof fucking brutal reply, I’d be terrified if I got that from someone I was reporting to

1 Like
#14

A cursory search of our IM history shows I’ve had to say it to him 17 (seventeen) times in the last three months…

#15

STYL

3 Likes
#16

if a migraine was just MY grain

2 Likes
#17

Imagine if they’d only speak to you later than that time every day

Haha

1 Like
#18

he’s all mouth no trousers

#19

“The proof is in the pudding.”

Then you give them a pudding and once they’ve pulled it apart you remind them that that’s not the actual phrase.

1 Like
#20

Phrases that would be horrific if they were taken literally?

Can’t think of any but I’ll keep my eyes peeled for some.

4 Likes