Sorry but I can’t overstate how much I dislike this
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You wanna peetz a me?
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I can’t overstate how much I like this
NOW THAT WHAT IM TALK
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Flatmate is both very lazy and obsessed with being hydrated, so whenever I made a move to stand up off the sofa in the evening she’d pipe up with “oh, while you’re up …” and hand me her empty glass
Now just become shorthand for bullying someone into fetching something that you’re too lazy to get for yourself
‘Crumb on’ instead of ‘come on’
‘Can of cant’ instead of ‘can of coke’ (inspired by League of gents)
Main one is probably ‘waddav?’ instead of pardon?
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Oh yeah we call Linda McCartneys ‘sausage isn’t’ instead of ‘sausages’ 
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“You’ve changed your shoes” instead of “you’ve changed your tune”
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One of our friends thought that WC stood for ‘waste chute’, so that is what we call any public toilet.
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Taking a shit is known as “going to the press tent”, as the press tent at Green Man had the cleanest toilets in the vicinity of where we were camped.
Along with “spend a penny, drop a pound”.
When one of us is making dinner and getting the utensils ready and asks the other if they want a fork, it will invariably be met with a ‘chance would be a fine thing’ or something equally hilarious.
Though this has started to feel a bit more like a deliberate dig now we have a 5 month old child…
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My mum mixed up dvd and video to call it ‘diveo’ so that’s become our go-to word for either
My nan had one of these to help her reach stuff high up when she was in a wheelchair:
it has always been known, and always WILL be known, as ‘the picky-up stick’
Me & my folks always say “yeah, alright” sarcstically when we disagree with what someone’s saying
My stepdad has a couple of mangled idioms that drive me a bit bonkers. The first is “x can’t care a shit” and the other one is “you can only do what you can only do”
Many members of the family repeat themselves because old so if they start telling us something they’ve already said, we just go REPEAT REPEATING YOURSELF EH?
My mum always tells me about something she says or has done and goes “oh I’m a right laugh ain’t i”
The remote control is known as the Tellygomakeon in our house. Obvs when we are done watching it becomes the Tellygomakeoff.
I also have an old wooden hairbrush that is known as Brushy. Brushy is a good brush and is often asked for by name. Everyone knows the difference.
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When M was small I asked her why she was doing something and she replied “'cause why I is” so anytime she asks me why that is my answer.
Similarly for a long time she said “brooroo” for broken so I still say that.
Bed is “beebodebayo” and banana is “beananoid” as that’s what my mum always said. No idea why.
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Skunking for farting. Also used to say Cor, you’re a bit skunky today. Or, was that your skunker?
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My favourite with my friends is Hot beef/Christmas beef, which comes from the time a mate got laid over the Christmas break at uni and she referred to the guy/experience as some ‘hot Christmas beef’
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Clearly it wasn’t as good for him as it was for her
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You know when cats eyes go all big and round cause they’re going to pounce on something?
That’s fruit pastille eyes
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Always thought I do my best work at Easter