Pitch me a novel and I’ll write it

NaNoWriMo is on the horizon, and most years I commit to writing the full 50,000 words of some harebrained project then immediately crash out about 5k in. This year I thought I might try again, but this year, I’ll make it easier for myself by outsourcing part of the process - the boring “coming up with an idea” bit - to you.

So, pitch me the idea for a short novel, the more specific and outlined the better, and if I like it, maybe I’ll choose it for my masterpiece, and I’ll give you mumble percent of the royalties.

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Jurassic Park

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It’s about a bus, but here’s the kicker, it can’t.slow.down.

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Bus Park

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can it be about a guy writing a novel for NaNoWriMo

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Would rather plagiarise Jurassic Park, nothing worse than writers writing about how difficult writing is (source: my teenage poetry)

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DiS gets haunted by a ghost and a plucky band of lurkers have to team up to save their favourite threads

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I have loads of ideas in a little notebook but never the time to develop or write them. Most of them are more film ideas though cos they’re quite visual

One that would suit the novella form however was about a guy who was an incessant letter writer firing off his misguided opinions to all and sundry - actors whose films he’d seen, politicians, pop stars etc, never expecting a reply until one day…

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… the owner of a theme park full of reanimated dinosaurs invited him to visit?

I’ve had a bunch of “good” ideas that never go anywhere, often burned out on previous NaNoWriMo escapades. Single line pitch? Sure. Writing a scene? Great. Coming up with a structured plot that goes in between those bits? No idea.

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you know how cross breed dogs always get a portmanteau name these days? the book is about the first person to come up with one for a joke and then getting increasingly angry that everyone is using them unironically

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Wonder if this is the year i finally go beyond 50 words in nanowrimo let alone 50k :sob::pray:t5:

What genre do you like writing in? I think you should write a horror story, it’s a great genre and subgenre

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A young man with a dark past moves to a small autumnal town for a fresh start, but quickly finds himself caught up in the shady goings on of the local bowling club. Why do the bowlers practise at midnight? What happened to the hot shot bowler from a neighbouring town? What does his dark past have to do with a local bowling club? And, once he’s in, will he ever get out?

Title: Lucky Strike…of Doom!

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James Corden undertakes NaNoWriMo during a sabbatical from work and uses it to give him the motivation he needs to get started on a memoir. Whilst writing the memoir he begins to understand what a bellend he has been for the duration of his life and begins to have nightmares in which he is visited by a spirit guide that shows him the effect of his actions on other people around him. He slowly but surely begins to process it all, entering a period of deep grief and remorse, but resolving to do better, and begins working on himself and setting about righting some of his wrongs. As a single tear rolls down his cheek, he suddenly awakes. He’s on a plane to the US, having just touched down, and his wife is standing over him holding his crying child in one hand and trying to wrestle bags out of the overhead locker with the other. He tuts, stretches out his legs, and takes his phone off Airplane Mode.

The narrator is once again jolted between realities and awakes to find that they are, in fact, the reader of the book, who has fallen asleep on the sofa. This book is in their hand and as they glance up, they realise they’ve fallen asleep with the television on. With horror, they realise that it’s the beginning of a 3 hour Carpool Karaoke special featuring Bono and Ed Sheeran. When they try to spring up to adjust the television, they realise that they are tied to the chair by their hands and feet, and unable to stand or move. They sense a presence in the room and glance over their right shoulder to see James Corden standing in the corner of the room, dimly lit, maniacal smile barely but unmistakably visible. James takes a step forward, and the novel ends.

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Only you can take this magnificent vision forwards

I pretend to myself that my real book is kind of postmodern lit fic bullshit, but for NNWM I always try and start with something fresh and usually something with a strongman genre, because if you can’t get 50k words of nonsense out of “a gigantic reptile attacks Victorian London” then you’ll never do it (which is bad news for me).

Never really read much horror, think it would all go a bit Garth Marenghi. I read a bit of crime but that’s the one genre where plotting is most crucial.

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the autobiography of a writer who must keep writing everything that comes into their head and if they stop for more than five seconds they will explode. Like speed but for books

A Mills and Boon about two horny pilots.

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It is the future. A man wakes up in a room, and is attacked. He fights back and runs out and finds the world has been enslaved by a force of alien beings with the city under a huge forcefield, called the Zero Zone (this is the title).

He then has to work his way through an underground of rebels and people to try and reach the centre of the field. On the way he sees propaganda for the clone army, and the major who runs it, clad in dark combat masks. The world governments is saying that the aliens are good and here to save us - but this is a lie.

The underground is full of people trying to reach the middle to try and shut it down. After reaching the middle, they enter the room and as he walks in - it turns out he is the zero clone, and all the weapons react to him. He isn’t the saviour, he is the weapon the world is fighting.

I call it “the shite idea that would work as a video-game”

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A bored TV aerial installations man, based in London, stumbles down an alleyway and somehow enters a time portal which transports him back to wartime England…

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No idea what this means :sweat_smile:

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