Policies UKIP should adopt now we are out of the EU

I don’t know if he’s ever mentioned it, but Nigel Farage is actually quite partial to a fag and a pint

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Think they’ll end up drastically distancing themselves from him in any aesthetic regard very soon (sack off the tweed & pint photoshoots) and just get stuck into mid-twentieth centure bare bones historical reenactment they’re all really into.

Set all clocks and calendars back to whatever year it is they want it to be.

Seven minutes to eight in the evening?

After Eights can only be legally consumed after 8pm


every family to eat a meal of fish fingers, oven chips and baked beans a minimum of three times per week.

every home to feature a union jack cushion on the sofa by 2020.

Get Kilroy back in charge (what’s he up to these days? Is he even alive?)

falklands round 2 - ‘fracas in las malvinas’. 10 Falklands veterans take charge of a real-life battle against the Argentinians in a Time Commanders type game show, presented by John Nott, Kelvin MacKenzie, and a CGI Magaret Thatcher.

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Quality Streets to come in 2lb tins or 1lb boxes only. To consist of 80% toffees and 20% noisette triangles

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Manchester United to receive automatic qualification to the champions league every year.

Working class given the chance to buy their own piece of essential public infrastructure at a low, low rate.

That’s all we need, some Gavin owning the Royal Mail

The broadcast day to end with the national anthem (following re-runs of Mind Your Language and It Ain’t Half Hot Mum).

Sunday opening hours pre-1995 used to be 12pm-3pm, then shut until 7pm-10.30pm. In practice, that meant some people slamming down as many as they could before staggering home for lunch and a nap (source: my parents’ pub).

Think that derived from wartime licensing laws, so yeah, that probably would be popular with kippers. At least until they realised it meant going home for a bit to face their awful empty lives (or to church lol).

@hexagram Copy Australia in the 50s when pubs were only open til 6pm in the week, meaning everyone raced out of work at 5pm and sunk as many pints as quickly as possible before 6pm. The Six O’Clock Swill they called it.

That sounds fantastic in some ways

A policy they put in place in wartime hoping it would cut down on drinking. Oh the naivety.


Also “The bartender didn’t carry your glass to the tap. He carried a pistol-shaped spigot hitched to a long tube and squirted your glass full where you stood.” to save precious drinking time.


The tips of candy sticks to be coloured red and name changed back to sweet cigarettes.

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