Pre-Leaving Rituals

Before leaving my flat I check my fridge door and gas hobs roughly 3 times each, then stand at my door checking it’s locked for roughly 2-3 minutes.

You?

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I like to shout ‘bye’ into the hall even if there’s no one in to trick any burglars

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Poo

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Imagine one day the hall replies :fearful:

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Ask the missus if she’s got everything

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Keys
Phone
Mask
Back door locked
Hall light on to trick burglers into thinking I’m in

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Alright epimer

I left the house today, thankyouVERYmuch.

Didn’t enjoy it

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Pee, then pee again five minutes later, right before I walk out the door. You can’t be too sure

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You haven’t reported lately on your crazy neighbours

In the hallway?

Sure

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Quick prayer to my deities, Skeletor, Waluigi, Noam Chomsky.

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The dangerous ones have been suspiciously quiet. The arsehole one a few doors down was knocking my door down the other morning because the tree surgeon van was blocking him in (it wasn’t, but his own son’s car was). Got them to move it anyway, but said “sorry about this, the guy’s a raging arsehole” without realising he was stood at the side gate to see what the hold up was. Whoops.

Bet he remembers who I am now.

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fuck i’m late where’s my keys
ffs right see you later
remember to get something out of the freezer please
bye!

What’re you having to leave out? Chicken dippers? Tub of Hagen Daz?

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don’t think i have any

You have at least 9,000 bike orienting rituals and you know it.

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Check I’ve turned off the hobs/oven.

Shut the kitchen door.

Open the kitchen door - check I’ve turned off the hobs/oven. Say ‘you. are. off.’

shut the kitchen door

Open the kitchen door - check I’ve turned off the hobs/oven. Say ‘you. are. off.’

Go out of the back door. Check I’ve locked it.

Go out the gate.

Open the gate. Open the back door.

Open the kitchen door. Check I’ve turned off the hobs and overn.

Close the kitchen door.

Go out the back door. Close and lock it.

Go out the gate.

Get an urge to check I’ve locked the back door.

Keep walking.

Take about 5 minutes in total usually.

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idk like a bit of bolognese sauce or chicken breast or curry or something