Question about accidentally offending someone


So if you found out that something you had done (Or not done) a couple of years ago had upset someone, but you only just found out that your actions had been upsetting, and this revelation had in turn upset you a little (as you were unaware you had caused distress) - would it be appropriate to say sorry for the upset caused a couple of years ago?

Is that a nice thing to do, or are you just trying to make yourself feel better about upsetting someone (Who is no longer (I presume) currently upset by your previous actions)?

For a little bit of clarity I don’t even remember the incident, and was a case of me being thoughtless and inactive than being a kindof active meanie.

I’m most probably not going to apologise as I think that’s probably more for my benefit than the person I upset y’know?


I don’t know but it’s something I think about occasionally, but always wonder if other people remember bad/weird things that I did to them years ago and if reminding them through way of an apology is just dragging things up unnecessarily.

That said earlier in lockdown I did apologise to a friend for making a pass at them when we first met, as I hadn’t realised the age gap between us was as big as it is. She didn’t remember so I had to remind her and then she shrugged it off as absolutely nothing and it was all rather embarrassing for both of us!

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I think this depends on so many things that it’s hard to come down on one side or the other without knowing the exact circumstances. Like do you think they’ve forgotten about it or now realise you meant nothing by it/aren’t a terrible person? Will it be upsetting to them to be reminded of it?

Maybe you could ask the opinion of the person who told you this person was upset, whether they think an apology is needed/a good idea?

We follow each other in Instagram :grinning:
We don’t really know each other than well but have always got on well when we have met up

From what I understand they contacted me about some work stuff when they were just starting out in a similar-ish jobs as me, ages ago, and I didn’t reply to the email or something, and they’ve gone on to actually do really well in the field, and when I went freelance a couple of years later(?) I apparently got in touch with them to see if they knew of any stuff that was going and as I’ve just learnt apparently they were outraged that I’d got in touch and where all ‘fuck him!!!’ because I hadn’t replied a couple of years earlier?

I just assumed people who didn’t get back to me during that time just had other stuff going on, forgot, didn’t have anything to offer, didn’t think the work was up to scratch, or whatever, didn’t occur to me that someone might have a personal vendetta against me! :grinning:

Writing this out I’m deffo not going to get in touch as it seems completely stupid!
Quite good to get your thoughts down tho innit

Thanks dis!

End of thread!!!

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Oh I would definitely get in touch and explain that, that’s fine!

Is it not incredibly daft tho? Like I’ve only l learnt this through a quite convulted route as I’ve just been plunged back into freelance stuff and someone else was like ‘oh it’s a pity you upset xxxxx in like 2014 or somthing’ and I’m like ‘whaaaaattttt?’

Although amusingly when I reminded her she realised that she had subconsciously absorbed my method and had then tried it herself multiple times with absolutely no success!

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I will not be sharing the method, thank you for understanding

Note technique. Got it.

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nah, I wouldn’t be going back and apologising for that. Also, will probably look like you are doing it just to get some freelance work from them in the future.


I remember my cousin emailed me after I had visited and then I didn’t reply for like 6 months and then never heard from them again. Just seems a bit precious when people get offended over stuff like that


Ha ha! Exactly! :grinning:

What is the method?

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I was wasted the other day and made a crack about someone’s height for no reason, I’m still cringing about it

Low blow

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I saw one in my friend’s garden in Australia who was really pleased with himself because he’d found loads of blue electrical wire from somewhere. Hope the neighbours don’t mind sacrificing their electricity to serve the bird’s aesthetic.

Are these those collecting birds?
There are some good ones who do this stuff but not for mating or anything, just because they like it, and they will replace bits of you take them away, like it’s less collecting and more curating

They’re Bowerbirds