I couldn’t find this in Tesco the other night and decided to just do without it, despite my recipe requiring it.

I didn’t want to ask one of the people who work there because I couldn’t bring myself to ask for “keen-waahhhh”.

Are there any other foodstuffs that make you sound like a complete plum merely by mentioning them?








football stickers are on the news kiosk


Butterscotch pecan yum-yum


Bum cream

“Excuse me! I need Bum Cream! For my BUM!”


You could always ask for the location of a less pretentious grain and assume that the keen wah will be nearby?


You’d think it’d be near the lentils and that, but nowhere to be seen.


Usually by the packets of rice and dried lentils and that innit.
You’re not missing out anyway rice or cous cous beats it every time.





Should we be worried about what your new avatar has done to you?


shit grain, no fans.

Right at the bottom of the list, along with bulgar wheat.


We go through a lot of bulgar wheat in our house, it’s totally replaced quinoa.




Ordering tapas. I can’t bring myself to say the words in an English accent but I know I sound like a try-hard wanker when I say them in a Spanish accent


How bulgar!


You wheat mate?


Alright, calm down you lentilist