Reasonably amusing story of misunderstanding from my morning commute

I don’t get it

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I think they go on your bedroom door, I’ve seen them in films

Looks more like ‘ofal cock’ to me.

mmmm ofal cock

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talking of which what’s going on with yor shit whole area and stray dogs running around? Didn’t the fullroaster hit one the other week?
(u said he was quite shaken up I hope he is ok and the dog wasn’t badly hurt)

That was about ten miles from where I live and I think he killed it. Wasn’t his fault by the sound of it but I think he struggled to sleep for a few nights after.

are you able to confirm which woking roundabout the incident happened closest to?

The other day on my way home I swerved a bit to avoid a pigeon in the road and the fucker in the massive 4x4 behind me just plowed over it.

I’m no pigeon fancier but that seemed wholly unnecessary.

In the past I have acted all macho in the pub and stuff about how I wudnt swerve for a squirrel or a pigeon as its more dangerous, but I do every time, I think these animals are getting a bit cocky with road safety if I am honest - I blame it on brexit

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Is it still the case that you’re meant to run over any animals apart from dogs?
Am I dreaming or do they have special protection in the Highway Code

Brookwood lights.

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A while back there was an injured pige in my mother’s cul-de-sac so I went out to help it. It barely took off and flew down the road about a foot off the ground. Got immediately mullered by a car as it hit the T junction.

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My first driving instructor back home said that there’s two categories of emergency stop. The first is if there’s a person in the road then you do the emergency stop immediately, no question. The second is if there’s something that’s not a person - squirrel, cat, Rangers supporter - and then you check your mirror first to see if it’s worth it.

He used to be in a band signed to Island Records or something.

On my walk to the station the other day I felt something land on my head. This happened previously and it was a bird shit so I had to run back while balancing the shit on my head in order not to get on my clothes or eyes and shower, which made me late. This time it felt like twig but was in fact a wasp, so I through away from me a jumped aside in weird looking action. I then felt the need to explain this a nearby person as they hadn’t seen the wasp. They laughed and said to them it just like I was dancing in the road suddenly. Good story eh?

Is a dog a person in this scenario

It is if it’s playing a piano at the time.

Editx4Large

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Or pool

I’ve looked and if it’s big enough to go through the windscreen and hurt the drivers or passengers you can slam on. If it’s a cat or summat you can run it over

What if it’s not that big but happens to be standing on its hind legs (e.g. at a piano) at the time?

Oh FFS, absolutely done here.

‘not the big’

Stop pretending to be Scottish!