Recent examples of lame-assed flirting



Guys, he had a PONY TAIL!


I’m imagining this guy as Ian/Ray in High Fidelity, is that in the right ballpark?


Oh I have so many of these. I’m a public creep magnet. Off the top of my head over the years:

  1. Was sitting in pub. Wearing leopard print socks. Drunk man comes over and grabs my leg and starts blathering on about how “brave” I am to get my legs tattooed leopard print (?!?). Won’t accept me saying they are socks. I have to physically shake my leg to make him let go.

  2. Man comes up to me when I’m drinking some vodka and orange and asks “can I try some of your drink? It looks so healthy and delicious” and throws a tantrum when I say no.

  3. Man follows me down the street repeatedly asking “How much do you cost?”

  4. Man sends me a message back in the Myspace days saying “I saw you in the crowd at the gig. You have lovely hair. I’ve met your friend K, but she doesn’t like me.”

  5. On Saturday in fact, a man blocked the street with his arms outstretched to try to force me to hug him

  6. Out with my friend who grew up in Greece. She’s always getting asked “my cousin’s in London, can you take them out somewhere fun?”, so we often end up with random Greek people in tow. Normally they’re pretty cool people, but this guy tried to impress us by telling us he had a Masters and was a Big Deal. When we said we both did too, he kept trying to dig for reasons that he was a Big Important Man for about half an hour, but continued to fail while we laughed at him.

  7. Was wearing an ancient Hüsker Dü tshirt, but with a floral dress because I enjoy how it pisses off the punk boys. Idiot tried to claim I “didn’t really” like them and started giving me a weird 80s american punk bands quiz and looked annoyed when I knew the answers, and didn’t seem to understand that it was quite reasonable for me to like a very popular and well-known band. This has actually happened lots of times, with multiple different idiots.

  8. Creepy guy who no-one likes who went to the same school as @chris-budget (who also dislikes this guy) kept going on about how I was “common” and a “bit of rough” and boasted about how he had a degree, like it was going to impress me.


I lack the flirt gene and should think before I open my mouth. Case in point.

Woman serving me in a shop

Her : 1p. Thank you.
(smiles, rolls her eyes when handing over change)
Me : They did that so the money passed through the till and so you can’t pocket the cash.
(silence as I’ve implied she might be a thief)


sorry, but there was nothing creepy about the exchange.

please stop taking ownership of standard, everyday, harmless life scenarios.



this isn’t flirting, more of an attractive moment, it’ll do:

“hi. i’m jenny”
“hi, i’m jenn… I almost told you i’m jenny too but that wouldn’t have made any sense”


I’d’ve probably said “Meow, man” like that dog catcher character in that Droopy cartoon I can barely remember and received a blank, unimpressed look.


I don’t really understand what you’re getting at. Seems a bit of a weird reaction. Is meowing and miming washing your face an everyday occurance in your world?

You wanted terrible chat up attempts, I gave 'em to you.