At patent twat drinks the other night, someone I know was sat quite far away from where I was standing. They made eye contact and did a little wave hello. I did a little wave back.
The patent twat directly in front of me smiled and started doing a cutesy wave “back” and started talking to me.
Going to be hard to top that tbh.
Was saying goodbye to a person at a recent wedding event who would normally stand to give a hug goodbye but who was penned in and unable to stand, she put the hands out “let’s hug” gesture despite this and then we both realised there was no way either of us could reach to even do one of those awkward one-person-standing-one-person-sitting hugs so we kind of just ended up touching each others arms for a bit and it was horrendous and I’m going to be thinking about it and reliving it until I die now.
Shows what I know.
For even more awkward flavour I should say that the person in question is someone who lives in Canada and I have spent barely any time in the company of and so even a well executed “hug goodbye” would have been awkward on some level.
This isn’t that recent but on my way to the kitchen at work to refill my water bottle I turned a corner and walked into someone. We both shimmied side to side to get past each other, but we shimmied to the same side each time.
The guy I was shimmying with then said “uh oh - looks like we’re dancing” and then starting doing the Night Fever dance very very enthusiastically.
I haven’t stopped thinking about it since.
Was at a party not too long ago where this guy came in, who I had not met before. He greeted me before everyone else, with a kiss on the cheek. I was not expecting it and it was fairly uncomfortable, but I went with it because I thought maybe he’s European or something. For everyone else he just shook their hand. Think about this a lot. What was going on here?
Met him more recently and kept talking about his new brand consultancy. I don’t know what that is and I do not give a shit
This is beautiful.
It would turn me on too.
Went for a job interview and massively expanded on my experience at other jobs on my CV. The guy who interviewed me, basically a warehouse manager, thought my CV looked good so called his colleague in who managed another department and the fucker absolutely floored me with some very basic questions that i should have had the foresight to at least research given i knew exactly what the company did. There was a precise moment when all three of us clocked that i was just winging it. Basically went home and curled up in bed.
Regularly fall foul of the saying goodbye to someone, then realising you’re both heading in the same direction.
Then as you walk together you wonder how far you’ll be going in the same direction. If it’s too short, then it’s not worth starting a new thread of conversation, but if it’s too long, then perhaps a more substantial conversation starter would be worth going into. Not that it matters, of course, because by that point you’ve mentally checked out from the social engagement, your mind has moved on. Neither of you knows how to nor really wants to say anything more.
You end up just walking in silence. All the goodwill and positive memories of your time together melting away in front of you as this will be the only thing about your time that you’ll remember.
Then you say goodbye again, perhaps for the last time.
Ran into a friend’s parents who I live quite close to on the street, they were taking their new grandchild out in the pram. The kid had an Irish name (Aoife, I think) that I couldn’t pronounce despite getting them to spell it out to me twice. Gran suggested I could come around and take the bairn out for a spin if I liked, to which I replied “Yeah, fat chance!”, which I sort of meant as ‘I’m hopeless with kids, you’d be insane to put them in my care’ but obviously came out sounding astoundingly callous and ungrateful.
To wrap up this textbook piece of human interaction I said "Take care, it was lovely to meet… " and realised I still couldn’t say the fucker’s name. Happened four weeks ago, still tormenting me now.
Rhymes with reefer