I have recently for the first time both Filed and clipped my fingernails (on separate occasions, I’m not s maniac) since stopping biting them.

Spent 2 or 3 minutes watching Ed Sheeran jumping about on the Pyramid Stage with his guitar.

Slapped a jelly fish on the head, it was horrible!

I ate a Cadbury’s Double Decker for the first time about 10 days ago.

Happy to discover I’ve not been missing out on much,

really laughing picturing your face as this guy whispers in your ear if you want “a bunch of extra stuff done”

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had a poached egg for the first time yesterday

would have again bot not on a fucking fry up for fucks sake

you’ve never had a poached egg before??

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I was on holiday. Figured why not.

i had not

i have only recently started eating eggs properly

They don’t come in tins or can be stored in the freezer, so your story checks out.

What does improper egg eating look like? On second thoughts, maybe don’t answer that.

Discovered this new flavour of Arla yogurts the other day

A+ highly recommended.

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love it when my barbers give me the full works

Recently (Saturday) drove from Glasgow to Cambridge in one day too. It was also fine, but I think I now have Opinions about best routes etc.

I’m having my left ear syringed on Wednesday. Looking forward to it. Will report back.

u ok hun?

(seriously though)

Hamman when i was holiday

In a darkened steam room, the guy and I were alone and had no common language between us. He was about three times me size and I didn’t know what the procedure was but he eased me into it by having me lie on the floor, stand over me, say something in arabic and then roar with such laughter that I could see the back of his throat and where his molars must’ve been. He soaped me up and chucked water all around me, pulling my bags at the front and back to chuck pots of water down there. I think he said something about the wife being away but I’m not sure. He scrubbed with a coarse sponge, he scrubbed my arse with vigour and then had me scrubbed my own genitals in front of him. He chucked roasting water round me, later he sprinkled some freezing water on my shin to let me get a feel for how cold the next bucket of water was going to be. It was a wee bit hard to relax at first but I got quite into it, we shook hands at the end and I felt like I’d made a friend. I realised when I was getting changed afterwards that I was in full view of the alleyway outside. I’d totally recommend it.

Might want to get that looked at.

Was really good

Went to the doctors to try and get this done today (can’t hear anything out of my right ear). No appointments until next Thursday so came home and ordered a DIY kit from Amazon. Looking forward to giving it a go.