Regale us with stories of your terrible housemates

A former housemate used to cook two jacket potatoes in the microwave. When they were done he scraped all the potatoey innards into a large bowl and emptied half a bag of grated cheese over it. He would then do the same with the other potato and the other half of the bag of cheese, and then he would cover the whole yellow mess in ketchup. By my estimation he ate this meal around twice a week.

Now you.

If thats the worst housemate you had you’ve done very well.


That sounds fine.


I had one who got really violent when he came in drunk, which was often


Greg’s mince recipe:

Take one packet of cheap mince. Brown off in a frying pan. Add half a bottle of HP sauce. Simmer for a couple of minutes. Eat on its own.

Yeah, barring one anti-Semite in halls mine have mostly been OK. Was inspired by a story I was told by a friend this weekend, but it’s far too Googleable to tell without revealing the identities of those involved.

in home ec that’s how we were taught how to make jacket potatoes. no ketchup and you put the potato / cheese mix back inside the jacket.

Full shave of head and beard left in the sink and (mostly) on the bathroom floor every 2 months or so for a year

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I have always lived in houseshares which have been predominantly had a majority of my pre-existing friends.

Very lucky to have not had many bad housemate experiences, the person who replaced me in the flat when I moved out kicked the bathroom door down within 12 hours of moving in though…

Awful manchild who tried his best to ruin several of my friend’s lives, so, that was nice.

Oh and the other way from most but there was someone who was so obsessed with cleaning rotas and chores etc. That she was impossible to live with. Used to regularly have a go at me for not cleaning up a pan when I was still eating the meal that had been cooked in it

Got into my room while I was out and shat in my jeans.

This is a cat by the way.


Your typing is excellent.


Looking back at some of the odd housemates I had, I do feel pangs of guilt about their possible mental states, and me doing fuck all about it because I was completely immature.

Worst was the pothead guy who was basically nocturnal. Stayed up all night with the heating on full blast making techno tunes. He was keen on jacket potatoes too actually. I once showed him how you could accelerate the cooking time by sticking a metal skewer through them. He attempted it using a knife with a plastic handle and I remember waking up to the sweet smell of burning plastic at 4am. Still mates with him now.

Lived with 2 people who got together shortly after moving into the house share. Guy had the room above me and the girl had the room next door. They’d have massive screaming fights and then storm off up/down the stairs slamming doors as they went then the other would come after them and spend ages knocking on the door pleading to be let in. The arguments would then repeat several times and they’d eventually have very noisy make up sex. Two years I suffered this.


My sister’s cat shat down her fence this weekend, stood on the fence post and dangled his bum over the side leaving a long skid mark.


Yeah I mean the worst part of that story is doing jacket potatoes in the microwave instead of the oven.

Had a housemate who went out on a Friday night, got tanked, came home and put a frozen pizza in the oven, forgot, went to bed, got up and went to their parents house for the weekend without noticing. Thing was in there for about 36 hours, somehow the flat didn’t burn down, but it did stink for fucking ages.

On the plus side, he’d regularly come home tanked with a massive takeaway, normally a pizza, but would fall asleep with it on his lap. Like bloody clockwork, nearly every Friday and Saturday between midnight and 2am-ish. I’d eat the whole thing bar a slice or two and he never had any idea, so every cloud.


I lived in shared accommodation for more than 15 years and probably had about 50 housemates in that time. Nearly all of them have been fine.

The worst was the ongoing argument between the highly-strung NZ teacher and the Bulgarian couple who invited the girl’s mother to stay. It came down to who could decide what to watch on the TV in the living room every evening, with the landlord having to draw up a rota for them. It finally kicked off when they started hiding the remote controls in their rooms, and ended with a full on fight during the early hours of a Saturday morning, and each of them calling the police on the other.

They all moved out. The teacher moved back to NZ with thousands of pounds of credit card debt that bailiffs would knock on the door to claim every couple of months. That was nice of her.

Just remembered the pretty weird guy who hardly ever spoke or came out of his room. Then he got a Ukrainian girlfriend who would come over for a few weeks at a time but didnt speak any English. We had a communal notepad on the dining table for leaving notes etc and they used to use it to draw things and put the English word underneath it. Was flicking through it one day and found a page of really, really grim sexual drawings :nauseated_face: